Masterlist <3
-Requests are still open! (For any character of the fandoms in my masterlist)
This is a concept that I absolutely adore. I'm using fem!reader and established relationship for this one !<3 I hope you like it. I'm terribly sorry for the long delay! (Yes, we're going to pretend I never left and that I'm not back after being gone for like five months)
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WARNINGS: Mentions of death, illness, trauma related to those two, stabbing, blood,
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He thinks it's, frankly, pathetic. To anyone outside the crows, and even people from inside the slat knew Kaz Brekker was not a man victim of guilt. If anything, guilt was his servant and his bitch, to say the least.
But here he was.
Knowing for a fact Y/N coming down with the worst cold he had seen in... several years, was completely and entirely his fault all because he insisted she had to stay outside the building to make sure no Stadwatch officers came near in the last job they got done.
Her being the most capable fighter of them all was his excuse, but both of them knew he didn't want her to go inside to dive into the smell of rotting corpses and the sight of the death itself. Which she had no issues on causing, but a fresh corpse is way far from a decomposing one.
She understood the difference perfectly. Her past taught her that particular lesson. It wasn't different for him, but he'd only stay near the door while Jesper grabbed the blueprints from that rich asshole's corpse and then get out fast.
She was perfectly fine, keeping both eyes open for anything odd.
It then started raining.
A thing she loved since she had arrived in Ketterdam. There was a certain air brought by the combination of wet alleyways and the noisy streets of the East Stave that brought comfort to her. She said that to him in one of their late-night conversations. But you didn't need to be as clever as Kaz to know that Y/N wouldn't particularly enjoy it as she did inside the comfort her room brought, being outside with no shelter from the little droplets of water, that is.
"Saints, doll, you're drenched!" was the first thing that came out of Jesper's mouth when he saw her after getting out of the morgue. She was. "Did you get them?" was the only thing she answered, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and moving them up and down trying to keep warm, miserably failing.
It had stopped raining a few minutes ago, so the wind was especially colder and faster. Kaz muttered a small "Yes" as he handed the blueprints to Inej for a quick second, taking off his long black coat and draping it over his lover's shoulders. "Let's go, quick," he ordered, keeping Y/N close to him. As close as he could, anyway; their arms touching and pinkies linked as they walked through the city, with Inej guarding them from above.
Kaz knew he should've asked Nina to check her pulse and temperature before she left, or even better, ask her to part to Fjerda the next morning in case Y/N got ill no matter how the girl insisted her friend should leave as soon as possible so the flowers the crows sent for Matthias wouldn't die. Nina left that same night and Y/N started sneezing soon after.
"Would you like some tea? Mom used to add honey, ginger and garlic on it when I had a cold" Wylan offered, seeing his friend's state as his boyfriend, Kaz, and Y/N sat on the small loft in the third floor of the Slat "That'd be great, thank you Wylan" she said, trying to clear her itchy throat. With that, Wylan excited the room with Jesper following after him.
"Are you warm?" Kaz asked, sitting next to her on the couch, stretching his bad leg over the table, being careful he didn't knock over any of the items on it "Mhm" she hummed, tracing small shapes on his gloved hand in search for some comfort. Kaz pulled away immediately to take the leather item off and pulled his hand closer to her thigh so she could continue. She did, giggling softly.
"Did you feel alright earlier?" this time she was the one asking, knowing how uncomfortable the situation could've made him. "It was fine. I didn't touch... it. You know seeing them isn't as bad as-" "Yes" she nodded "What did he even die from?" "Bastard got stabbed and bled to death in an alley, it was just a matter of time for someone of the many people who hated him acted" "Or for you to get him" she smiled, making him smirk softly "Or for me to get him".
"You should go to bed," he suggested, peeking over to the kitchen briefly and seeing Wylan and Jesper playing around with the honey, "They're taking their time" he sighed. Y/n tried turning her head quickly towards the other couple but hissed right away, placing her hand on her head after feeling a sharp sting. Kaz looked at her with worry behind his usual seemingly emotionless eyes.
"I-it's okay. Wylan was really thoughtful when he offered making something warm for me. I'm waiting until it's done," she said, closing her eyes tightly, waiting for the pain to go away. He couldn't bear the sight. He knew it was just a cold, but Y/N was in pain and uncomfortable, and even though he rarely got any rest, he knew it made one feel better.
"Go rest, I'll bring it to your room" he insisted, getting up and helping her up on the way "What if I fall asleep an-" "That'd be great. We can heat it up in the morning. Now go." It almost sounded like an order. Right before she turned around to do as he said, she stopped in her tracks and looked at him once again.
"Thank you," she whispered, now actually turning around to leave.
Kaz watched as Y/N turned to the left and into the hallway that led to her room. After putting his gloves back on and taking his cane , which was resting on another one of the small couches around the area, he stepped into the kitchen, finding Wylan sitting on top of a counter with Jesper standing between his legs.
"How is she?" the Zemeni boy asked, a tint of worry in his tone "Her head started to hurt so I advised she'd go to bed for now, I'll get her the tea when it's done" he answered, leaving his cane propped up against a chair and combing his fingers trough his slightly wet hair "I'm sure this will help," Wylan said "it always did with me, anyway".
Silence took over the room. Not an uncomfortable silence, but not a comfortable one either. Kaz knew for a fact his friends would be all over each other if he wasn't present, but he felt the need to ask something. Something that Inej and Nina would giggle about if they weren't fast asleep or boarding a boat at the moment.
"How do you do it?" he questioned, looking directly at Wylan. "Do what?" "The tea" "Why?" Jesper interrupted, pertinent as ever. "In case this little family tradition makes her feel better... I'd like to make it for her". The silence was even louder now, one of astonishment too. Both men shared looks of confusion, as if they didn't hear him right, splitting in cheesy smiles when they realized they had, in fact, heard Mr. Dirty Hands clearly.
It was all broken by the loud whistle of the kettle, a sharp sound filling the room before Wylan hopped off the counter to turn it off. He carefully grabbed a mug and poured some tea in it, handing it to Kaz after. "I'll tell you when you come back, lover-boy" he smiled, making the raven haired boy roll his eyes as he was handed the cup.
He left his cane behind, exciting the kitchen once again. The tea smelt sickeningly sweet and had a powerful scent of garlic that made Kaz's nostrils and eyes itch a little as he was subtly looking down at it to make sure it didn't spill. He knocked twice, pausing briefly and then knocked two times again, all delicately as to not wake her up in case she was already asleep.
"Come in"
Her room was one of his favorite places in this world. Everything about it screamed Y/N. From the pile of unread books on the desk that left just enough space for her to write and paint to the neatly folded clothes that belonged to both of them. He had insisted he could make his own laundry, but she knew he'd never find the time to do so, and Y/N never really minded helping out.
She was sitting on the bed in her cotton nightgown, propped up against the headboard with the wind crashing on her face. Icy wind. Kaz left the tea on her bedside table, rushing over as fast as his leg allowed him to close the window and curtains. "No!" she whined like a little girl, almost making the man giggle. "It's the only thing keeping me sane. It's fresh." "It is not fresh, it's cold and you're sick," he argued, adjusting the blankets over his lover, careful not to touch her.
Y/N looked up at him in awe. Y/N knew her boyfriend would never in a million years admit to ever be bothered. Kaz Brekker had things in control. If someone was one step ahead, Kaz Brekker was three steps ahead. Kaz Brekker didn't know fear. Most times, she found that to be true, and she had certainly been surprised plenty of times by his mind. That's one of the things that made her fall for him. But she knew it was always different when it came to her.
He became a professional overthinker about her safety and comfort. He just wanted the best for his girl and tried hard to show it the way he could. It was quite adorable to see him worry like this, especially when she really was feeling sick.
Kaz noticed her stare on him after gently tucking her in. "What?" he asked, trying to stop himself from grinning like stupid. "I'm going to get you sick." "Nonsense dear, I never get sick" he smirks, taking off his gloves to caress her cheek. Y/N leaned into the contact before he felt him tense up briefly to then pull away. At first, she thought the contact might've been too much for him but then he said in a very much worried tone a small "You're burning up".
Kaz didn't like her being sick but he knew that if she'd been cold, the water would've risen to his chest and he'd be a helpless little boy all over again, because then it wouldn't've been his girl, the light of his life. That person would've been Jordie. And he was going to lose her. Just like he did with his brother. So he thanked her fever, selfishly.
The boy walked to the bathroom, and she could hear the distant sound of water running. Sleep was taking over her, but she had to stay awake to drink the tea, so she tried her best and this time, succeeded. A few seconds after, her boyfriend was back at her side, now sitting on the other side of the bed while squeezing off the excess of water from the drenching washcloth he brought with him in a small bowl-like plate.
"I'm cold" she hissed when he placed the cloth on her forehead, drying the very few droplets that glided down her temples. "You're fully covered. It's this or have you take a cold bath. You look ill". From the short distance between her face and his, she could see how Kaz's brows were slightly furrowed and his eyes held what looked like guilt.
"This is not your fault," she assured, seeing her boy's eyes look up to hers, his gaze softening at the words. "You couldn't've known it was going to rain, and you were also trying to protect me from seeing the bodies. I'll get better, I'll live"
"You better, love" he smirked, letting the room fall in a very comforting silence, his doubts dissipating instantly. Y/N knew how to make him feel better. She made him better.
After an hour of Kaz playing with her hair as she breathed in and out with her eyes closed but not sleeping, she drank the tea, refreshing her throat a little but not stopping the sting she had been feeling for a while now. When the washcloth dried up, the fever had gone down, Kaz touching her face to make sure himself. Truth is, these little details here and there are what helped him overcome his aversion little by little. There was a long way to go yet, but Y/N was sure he'd make it one day.
Y/N yawned loudly, and Kaz knew it was time for him to go. He didn't want to, though. "Get some sleep. If you need anything, knock twice on the wall" he ordered requested, placing the now empty cup on her nightstand. "Yeah," she responded, laying on her side and pulling the covers up to her nose. "And you should too" she mumbled, already slipping away to a deep slumber.
"Took three seconds" Kaz thought, smiling to himself as he put his gloves on. Y/N laid so peacefully, making the boy realize she was his favorite part of being alive. She had a heart that kept others strong. And all is well. He's okay, she's okay, the crows are okay and even though they live in madness city... it's all okay. He picked up the drenched clothes she discarded hours ago and took them with him, closing the door after blowing the candles that lit the room dimly.
Over the next days, Kaz managed to balance the time between planning their next heist and taking care of Y/N. Which meant endless cups of Wylan's tea made by him, changing the sheets with Inej's help, and opening the windows to her room when the weather allowed it. Thanks to Kaz and the crows' cares, she was back after three days. And she could swear on everything she held sacred she heard Kaz cough a couple of times during that week.
But he'd do it all over again just so she felt better, because she was the one and only thing he held sacred. And if her being well meant he'd have to deal with coughing and a runny nose, he would gladly take it.
Summary: Reader while running away from her wedding runs into the crows, only to find out there is more for her to know regarding her father and that Kaz Brekker just might be the only person who can help her with that.
Warning: Cursing
A/N: This is going to have a few more parts. I am also taking requests but do check out my pinned post for further information š
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There was no one word to describe what I felt as I searched my eyes in the mirror for something I was too afraid to admit. Was I afraid though? Or was it anger that had poisoned my being and left me in this frozen state that I didnāt know how to get out of? I jolted as I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see one of my grandmothers whose name I didnāt even know flash a wide smile. āOh, would you look at that! Our y/n/n is thinking about her future husband.ā
All the gathered females giggled and my aunt adjusted my veil. āOur y/n/n is all grown up now. I canāt even wait for my grandchildren."
I let myself slip out of the room even as I sat there in front of the mirror. It was too much to take. Have them talk about my life that wasnāt mine anymore. I was about to be one of them now. Those meek wives that never knew to want for anything beyond what their husbands found within themselves to offer. Those who had convinced themselves that they were happy and that this was all that life had to offer to them.
Except I wasnāt one of them. Not yet at least. I wasnāt happy. No. I felt a wave of pure fire roll within me and felt it being doused as it was replaced by sheer panic. I looked around the room but no one paid attention to me. No, they were too busy planning out my life. I shook myself and let the well-practiced mask fall over. They talked and talked but I found myself lacking any appropriate words.
What was I supposed to do? I didnāt even know the man I was supposed to marry today. All I knew was what was expected of me. The women left my room to look over the arrangement of the ceremony and I finally stood up from my place before the mirror. That wasnāt all that I knew. I knew that there was no way I could endure the suffocating feeling in my throat and chest for the rest of my life. I knew that I wanted to be something more. I wanted to be me.
But the cost. Could I afford the cost? A sharp pain pierced through my throat as my eyes welled up. I knew that I was going to run away the moment they arranged the marriage. But something had stopped me. I couldnāt loose my family. What if they were right? What if I couldnāt survive? I would have nowhere to return to. No. Not after the shame I would bring to my family. Where would I go anyways? Ketterdam was no place for a girl like me. Fragile and delicate. Tended to and brought up like a rose. A pretty thing to look at.
The tears finally became too much for my eyes to hold onto and tracked down my cheeks. I drew in a shaky breathe and looked at the window. There wasnāt much time left. I was lucky that I had been left alone at all today. I looked at the door and then back at the window.
WHAT DO I DO?
My heart leaped into my throat as a shout of joy sounded from what I could tell was right down the hall. My body made the decision for me as it unlatched the window. I looked down. I had never even snuck out of my house but here I was, about to runaway from my unfortunate wedding. I climbed down the ledge and let my fingers grip the wood of the window. I was on the third floor. Climbing down, I would have to avoid being noticed by the guests.
More tears snaked down my face as I felt my dress bunch up. I had taken too long to decide and now I was stuck in a wedding dress.
Good luck getting out unnoticed in your wedding dress, Y/N.
But there was no going back now. Even though I kind of wanted to now. I shook my head and my feet made their way downwards, gripping onto another wooden ledge.
Okay, just don't fall. You can figure out the rest later.
I felt my feet tangle into my dress as my hands slipped and I fell.
Shit!
Pain burst through my body and I wasnāt sure if I broke something or not. Now I was silently sobbing. I was not made for this. I let a few moments pass and then pushed onto my arms. I groaned as I stood up. āFuck!ā
āFuck indeed!ā
I jumped at the sound and my hands wrapped round my waist. This was it. I was done for. I had been caught. My body was stiff and shivered as I looked behind me.
A Zemini man dressed in blinding clothes stood beside a Suli woman dressed like darkness incarnate. The man tilted his head and the hat perched on top of it made him look more funny.
Too bad I wasnāt in the mood of laughing.
āD-Donāt tell anyoneā¦ā I tried to keep my voice from shaking but the lump in my throat made itself known.
āTell them what?ā The man asked.
āI just want to leave. Let me go.ā
āWell this is interesting. Luck seems to be at my side today. I should probably try it out at the club later.ā He smirked and I found myself irritated by his cryptic reply.
I should probably run but the strange pair was blocking my exit.
āFocus Jesper.ā The quiet girl finally spoke.
She turned towards me. āYou want to leave the wedding?ā
I nodded too afraid to speak the words out loud.
āWe can help you.ā
I narrowed my eyes. Uh-oh. Now that spelled trouble. No one in Ketterdam ever offered help and meant it. Even with my family. There had always been conditions and that was how I had found my way inside this atrocious wedding gown that felt as stifling as my prospective future.
I found my voice. Bullshit always did this to me. āThank you but no thank you. I just need you to get out of my way.ā
āListen lady, we mean to cause no trouble. Just come with us-ā He broke into coughs as the girl elbowed him. Huh. Guess she was stronger than she seemed. The music playing in the hall suddenly came to a halt.
I looked behind me at the house. Shit. Time was running out.
āJust come with us.ā
I scoffed trying to wane away the panic. āNo, I wonāt!ā
I was about to run past them when I felt a shadow fall over me and pain hit me at the back of my head and then the world faded to black.
I felt myself jolt to consciousness just as water splashed my face. I sucked in a long breath through my mouth and then blinked my eyes.
āKAZ!ā Voices yelled in synch and I winced as my head pulsed in pain at the noise.
It took a few seconds for my memory to finally gather to the forefront of my senses and when it did I felt myself gasp once again. My heart pulsed and pulsed and then I felt it slow down to a comfortable pace. Oh no. A heartrender.
This day just seemed to get better and better. I felt my eyes droop as my breathing slowed.
āOops! Sorry that was a bit too much there,ā a pretty voice as clear as bell sounded.
I felt my heart speed up to a normal pace and sat up on the chair. As I stretched, I found the pain of the fall absent and in its place just a dull soreness. I think I should that the heartrender.
I looked up to see five people standing over me. We stared at each other for a moment till I finally gritted out. āWhat the fuck do you want from me?ā
The group seemed to be searching for words when another figure made its way towards me from the corner of the room. It was a boy. A year or two older than me. He was wearing a black trench coat over his all black clothing and his gloved hands gripped his cane as he limped till he stood in front of the group.
I stared at the cane till I finally made a breakthrough. Dirtyhands. The boy in front of me was no ordinary boy but the top gang leader of Ketterdam. The one who helped arrest Pekka Rollins.
I had heard my father talk about him or more like curse him because Rollins being captured had led to a loss for my father.
āWe simply want you.ā His raspy voice sent shivers down my spine as I imagined his hands ripping it out.
āW-Why?ā I was too afraid to feel ashamed of displaying it.
I had done nothing to him. I rarely ever even left my house. What use could I be of to him? Unlessā¦
āYou see Y/N Y/L/N, your father shouldnāt have messed with us.ā
The way he drawled out the words, his fingers tapping the beak of the crow head on his cane, just stretched out my despair longer with each passing moment.
Dread netted over my chest like cobwebs that had covered the attic back in my house.
My house. I know I was supposed to prefer it to being taken hostage by Dirtyhands and his gang but somehow the terror of being returned seemed more prominent.
I shook my head to rid myself of this concerning discovery and instead focused on the boy in front of me.
He tilted his head as if trying to make sense of me. Keep trying Brekker and let me know when you do cause I would certainly appreciate some help with that.
I felt my lips curl up into a manic smile. What was wrong with me? I think my rebellion had messed with my head. I felt laughter bubble at my throat as I stifled it. I needed to make this work in my favor and displaying my insanity would not help me make my case to Dirtyhands.
I felt myself sober. I met his gaze once again. āI have no problem with staying with you.ā
His head cocked further in confusion or perhaps that was suspicion. āBut..?ā
āBut, I want to know the complete story. What happened between you and my father and what you are planning to do with him.ā
āYou are acting as though you have an option.ā
I arched a brow. He couldnāt be worse than my father, and I knew my father. I had known he often indulged in shady business and that my marriage was one way to cover up his involvement in such businesses but now, I wanted to know how Brekker ā Kaz was involved in it.
We stared at each other in silence, He clenched his jaw and sighed. He looked at the other five and then nodded. The group nodded and then walked towards the door. The heartrender and the silent girl who I guessed was the wraith gave me a smile before stepping out and the man with the funny hat winked. The door shut behind them and the room suddenly felt a lot more comfortable.
Kaz moved behind the desk and seated himself. Our eyes met once again.
āWell, now remember, you asked me to tell you.ā
Summary: Summary: The crows find out about the Aleksander facade, Kaz has very civil reaction to his sister
Word count: 5.3k (sorry it took so long)
An: does anyone know how to get the āread moreā thingy? Someone told me but I forgot
ā
Jesper quickly stopped y/n crossing his arms at the exit door from the lab given both Wylan and y/n were situated at the lab as a sort of safer space, their cleaner record and Kaz proclaimed their inability to fight. "Slow down are you really alright?" Jesper asked her with furrowed brows as he stood in front.
"Yes-yes huh uh yes..." Y/n nodded frantically trying her best to compose her heavy breath after the dream, which is what she wanted to call it but it did not feel like one. Both Jesper and Wylan sat her down on the sofa again taking their seats on the chairs across her.
"You look a bit shaken y/n are you sure you are fine?" Wylan urged, he was in the lab as she made small talk before drifting off to sleep and she seemed just fine to him then.
"Itāit was just a dream!" She exclaimed rubbing her eyes as she tried to settle back, overcoming the feeling. She had a lot of things going on at the moment to figure out herself, being kaz's sister she never had a problem being stoic or hiding something as drastic as loosing the love of your life. Truly, the siblings had mastered not letting any major problem show on their face. However y/n realised her grief was getting heavier than she panned out to be-the dream about Aleksander? Seeing him, his touch in her dream it felt so heavy.
"What was it about? You can talk to us..." Wylan said with a wide smile and comforting tone.
"You have been really offset ever since you got back" Jesper added "Whats wrong? Is it about pekka? The kidnapping?"
"No no-not that no" Y/n shook her head, loosing Aleksander weighed over all her other problems. She had trusted Jesper with a lot of don't-tell-kaz situations before and she was aware even when Aleksander was alive, when she were to break the news to all of them Jesper would be the first one. She wasn't so sure about the demo boy though "Could we perhaps talk alone? Because well I can't have Kaz know."
Jesper firstly was taken aback and confused, she hadn't gotten her hands on a lot stuff ever since she got back to ketterdam what could she possibly have done in this much time. "I won't tell Kaz!" Wylan exclaimed, he knew y/n meant she wanted to speak to just Jesper but he was keen to know.
Y/n looked at Jesper with an unsure look, "I promise! I won't tell him anything I swear" Wylan urged, he knew y/n could not trust him with her secrets not that he had given her a reason, he was just new. But he meant to hear her out.
"You can trust him" Jesper said with an assuring shrug to include Wylan in whatever sordid tale she had. However, as she told them about it, Aleksander, almost getting married. The two just blankly stared at her, out of all the wildest things to ever happen nothing could've prepared them for this.
As y/n finished narrating she sat a few moments in silent as the two just stared at her with wide eyes as if she had declared a new regime "Will you two say something?"
"The darkling?" Jesper asked, to be confirm for one he had to be confirmed eight times if the darkling he knew was the darkling she was talking about and all eight times he'd want her to be wrong. "The darkling? The general? The grisha general?"
"Yes. Yes him." Y/n nodded with her lips curled into a thin awkward smile, she never had to break the news to anyone at little palace given everyone knew of their intimacy however her own friends. Jesper seemed far too stunned than she had originally imagined.
"The shadow summoner?" Wylan asked as well, as he did some hand gestures to resemble him "Kirigan? General Kirigan you mean?"
"Yes!" Y/n confirmed again in a high pitched voice getting irritated by the second as it was getting hard to figure out if they were confused of horrified.
"Almost marrying him?!" Jesper whisper yelled as he looked over his shoulder to the door to see if no one was overhearing. "When did you plan to tell us?"
"I did! I was planning on coming here to say it myself because the letters were too formal-"
"Have you lost your mind?!" Jesper said as he stood up pacing around the room. "Did you not once think what would've happened if Kaz knew about this from someone else and-"
"I never intended to keep it hidden!" Y/n said raising her brows, in truth she never did. However her older brother was complicated and she knew even if she was with a nice white collar man Kaz would have his dramatic theories so Aleksander was far from ideal however she did plan to tell Kaz before everything went downhill. "Butāhe isn't here anymore. There is no point."
"Kaz is right down the-" Wylan tried to tell y/n if she still planned to let him know.
"I meant Aleksander..." Y/n said interrupting her as he replied with a dejected 'oh' of his misinterpretation.
"You do realise he will find out eventually right?" Jesper asked crossing his arms. "I wish I never asked you what was wrong." He said still panicking as he paced around
"What do you mean? I don't plan on telling Kaz anymore he will make a big fuss about it how would he know?" Y/n asked with an obvious tone.
"He always finds out." Wylan agreed staring off as he realised Kaz would find out about his sister's affairs, worst thing you could find yourself be involved in "I'm sorry but I wish you wouldn't have told me either because when he finds out I'll be involved as the one who did not tell him beforehand."
"Why you wanted to know!" Y/n exclaimed truly surprised by their rather regretful behaviour "LookāKaz won't find out. I have mastered hiding stuff from him he will not find out from me and the only other people who do know are across the fold. Despite of all that...Aleksander is dead." She said with a dejected huff as she tried to hide it as if it didn't mean anything to her "It doesn't account for anything even if Kaz does find out."
"And to think I almost shot at your husband to be" Jesper said with a playful scoff as both y/n and Wylan shot him a too-soon look. "Sorry" he muttered and sat on the chair across y/n again.
"If I'd known what he was going to do I swear I never would've gotten you Kaz and Inej on the ship that day trust me I did not know heā" Y/n began to ramble as Jesper nodded interrupting her midway.
"Of course!" Jesper scoffed in an obvious manner, he didn't even need to be reassured that y/n wouldn't ever put their lives at stake. "That's alright I know that-it's just well you and Kirigan...I never would've expected that." Jesper had only ever seen her as the girl who begged him to teach her card tricks and how to swing a gun to make you look intimidating, how to tie shoe laces, he had always seen kaz's sister as his own and her making big decisions at all was a bit emotional.
"I know!" Y/n replied exhaling with downcasting her gaze. She knew it was difficult to explain her situation with Aleksander, what he'd done in the past was his past. All she had known of him from when she first knew him wasn't that man, it wasn't the man who made the fold it was the man who'd bring the world to its knees for her, he was her Aleksander but there was no way she could explain that without sounding like a dumbfounded idiot who couldn't see past him. All of that yet after he died she couldn't hold what he did wrong against him because what hurt more is she never got a goodbye, "He hurt a lot of people. He did a bad thing and I do not endorse that" she reasoned and reached out for her side pocket and took a ring in front of the two "But I justāI just can't seem to let go off him" she said as he voice cracked and she held the ring between her fingers, not wearing it, she simply stared at it as if it was his face.
"Your grief is just as valid y/n" Wylan urged as he leaned forward "Loosing someone you loved is difficult and because he hurt people doesn't mean you don't get to grieve. You loved him despite of what he was, you loved him. And however wrong it might sound you-"
"No no it's alright." Y/n shrugged off clearing her throat, she hated being consoled or comforted not because of the sense of vulnerability. From what she'd learned from Kaz she had known that in order to deal with your wearies you never tell anyone in on it. The only way. "I am not going to weep about it all my days I have grieved enough I am alright." She raised her brows with an unserious shrug. Being way more familiar with bottling her emotions than letting it out there was a sense of comfort on holding onto something she'd always known. The only person she would always have was herself, that's how Kaz dealt with everything and so did she. The only person who tried to break these walls of her was Aleksander, would she admit that it worked? But would it matter now? Aleksander was gone, the walls were back up and the unnamed emptiness inside of her grew amongst the heavy weight of his absence.
ā
In a fortnight or so Kaz brought back all they'd lost to pekka, not necessarily all whom him and y/n had lost. But still, the crow club however much in ash, they had it back. Their stadwatch off reputation and life back up out of the underground. Settling into their old rooms again y/n could barely recall it being over three days or so, a knock bringing out the most of unexpected of news with a new job proposals for the 'thieves'. "Inside inside inside!" Jesper exclaimed hurriedly as he stood in y/n's way from coming down the stairs. "Don't!"
"What is happening?" Y/n asked stepping back given the obvious fright on Jesper's face it seemed her presence downstairs could be difficult in a way. However there were no sounds of gunshot or fight being heard from down the stairs just a faint discussion.
"Zoya. The Etherealki? She is here!" Jesper explained as he looked over his shoulder warming y/n about it. He had known from the grisha order and poise way of speaking she was a previous little palace resident who must known of the general and y/n like she had mentioned the other day.
"Zoya?" Y/n asked confused, "Nazyalensky? What? What is she doing here?!"
"A turn of events actually..." He chuckled nervously unsure what would be the right tone to lay this news on her "The general is alive." He paused a bit to let her comprehend that "They want us to steal the Neshyener because our general dear has apparently had some modifications over the course of being well dead but at the moment he isn't actually he wasn't to begin withā"
"What?" Y/n asked standing stunned and not capturing any word after 'the general is alive' "He is alive? What?" She repeated the same question yet Jesper did not seem to be joking about it as he nodded "How? He-he is what? Aleksander?! Aleksander is alive?!" She asked in a frustrated tone as all the emotions of glee, anger and dejection went through her in just two seconds.
"Yes that is the news Zoya and her corporalki accomplice brought in theyā" before Jesper could finish the news y/n was already moving past him rushing down the stairs. "No y/n waitā" Often he did not keep Kaz's secretl well if only from Inej, Jesper preferred letting her know if he wasn't explicitly told. However he tend to take y/n's secrets to his grave because they had a history of dont-let-Kaz-know between them. Situations Inej could get them out of, however this was the first time that if Inej knew she would be far more disappointed.
At the moment as y/n rushed down the stairs she did not even think what she'd tell Kaz "What happened? AlekāKirigan is what?" She asked frantically.
"He is alive apparently." Kaz said with a distasteful expression at his mention, already in a bad mood from his affronted dialogues with Inej.
"H-how? How though? Didn't he die-that day in the fold-didn't he-?" Y/n asked still comprehending this mountain of a discourse on her. Wylan shared an awkward frown with Jesper from across the room as she shrugged in replying with a gesture that couldn't keep her from rushing down her.
"The worst ones always make it out apparently." Inej commented with a nod, her belief in santka Alina was enough to fuel all possible despise for Kirigan.
Taking a deep breath in y/n nodded "Huh-so-oh-so that...so that is true?" She asked however it was more of an admission to herself.
Kaz was a bit zoned out already planning on how to steal the Nesheneyer not so quick to pick up on whatever crisis y/n seemed to be having, however Inej caught on "Are you alright, y/n?" She asked her in a soft tone.
"Mhm" she cleared her throat realising the weight of this news in the room, she straightened her back crossing her arms as if she wasn't more concerned about this than the rest of them "Yes I am just-I am surprised how he justāstill alive. Thatāthat rascal!" She said with a scoff to seem oblivious on the information she held on. Hoping Nina wouldn't pick up on her heartbeat, however Kaz did. Not on her heartbeat but on the way she spoke, she never often spoke half or delayed words.
Before Kaz could make a remark on that Zoya spoke "If it isn't the wedding bells I hear!" This is what Jesper tried to warn y/n about. Well not that she had volunteered to come down to the war zone she might as well face it.
"Zoya, don't." Y/n scowled hoping she would keep her jokes and remarks to herself because it was a time bomb waiting to tick off.
"What?" Kaz asked as he studied the amused reaction from Zoya that unsettled his sister "What wedding bells?"
"Zoya..." y/n urged again pleading with her eyes, it would be so much better to come up with a lie for Kaz later than have the whole scene unfold in front of everyone, not that she minded everyone but she was still getting over the news she had just gotten of Aleksander being alive.
Zoya looked around the room for once, everyone's expression oblivious as if they didn't know what she meant to imply, they truly did not. "You haven't told them have you?" She huffed.
"Told us what?" Kaz asked raising a sharp brow.
"Yes uh what-what is it that we most definitely do not know?" Wylan added trying to act just as unknown as the rest of them to whatever information was about to follow.
"Now is not the time alright?" Y/n said to Zoya shaking her head at her as she disregarded kaz's question.
"Your sister was about to get married" Zoya said as she smiled at y/n she was clearly delighted to be the one to relay this information, Kaz already had his face scrunched in a frown however Zoya added "To Kirigan."
"What nonsense!" Kaz said as he clashed his cane on the floor and stood from his chair. He did not even need to ask his sister wether this was true or not he practically knew that couldn't simply be true.
Taking a leap of confidence onto kaz's trust in her y/n stepped forward standing next to Kaz as she scoffed in disbelief at Zoya "You make up lies like these about other people is why your own life is so miserable!"
"Oh? I am the one who is making up the lie?" Zoya replied raising her brows at the sheer audacity of her to deny it with such confidence "We had wedding preparations going on for her and the general, resumed due to the winter fete." Nina could tell that Zoya wasn't lying as she pried on her heartbeat. However she kept it to herself truly not wanting to believe that kaz's sister almost married Kirigan. She wouldn't have wanted to believe so for anyone.
"Bullshit." Kaz scoffed once again with his unwavering belief of his sister's way of life, he had been writing letters to her all her time being at the little palace and she would often visit ketterdam whilst there, she never once mentioned the Kirigan. If it was as far stretched as marriage surely she would've told him.
"Do I look like I have the time and patience to fool around a group of thieves?" Zoya retorted.
"Don't flatter yourself it would take eight of you to fool the lot of us" Jesper quipped a bit offended at being referred to as a 'crook'
"Jes." Inej said keeping him from further comments, not that she minded it but the tension over y/n getting married to the shadow summoner was far worse for quips and witty remarks.
"Alright yes sure Zoya! You are absolutely right! I most definitely was madly in love with the general and I was about to get married to him and yet this entire time I did not tell my only brother about it!" Y/n remarked sarcastically throwing her hands in the air in exasperation as if she was genuinely being falsely accused.
"Y/n isn't lying." Nina said this time with wide and confused eyes.
"See!" Y/n exclaimed "Thank you Nina!"
"Noāyou weren't lying about what you just said. Your heartbeat was steady" Nina added shaking her head to clear when exactly y/n wasn't lying.
"See!" Zoya exclaimed further with the same smug smile she had the entire time.
"Enough of this." Kaz said "Y/n, tell me the truth." He demanded as he turned to his sister who did not say anything further which secretly worried him a bit to even wonder that Zoya was right "Y/n..." He spoke again as his sister looked down to her feet but he leaned lower to follow her gaze.
"It's not that I did not wanted to tell you trust me I was about to-" y/n rambled rushing to her defence as she was aware no amount of denying could let it get past Kaz now. Gasps went across the room yet Jesper and Wylan seemed to be the most shocked as they played it out.
"You..." Kaz seethed as he felt the weight of the world crushing on his shoulders "You imbecile! You bloody imbecile! Do you have any idea what kind of a-"
"Do not raise your voice at me!" Y/n exclaimed furrowing her brows, she knew e was partially in the wrong "Do not raise your voice at me!" She said raising her voice the same volume as his.
"When were you planning on telling me?! At my funeral? Or when I'm in my grave?" Kaz scoffed at her with a million other things and questions to stay brewing inside him, at the moment he was so angry to say it all at once.
"Thisāthis is exactly why I didn't tell you before because I knew you would react this wayāthis" she pointed between them "this dramatically!" Y/n exhaled placing her palms on her face as she tried to calm herself.
"What exactly was it between you and that heretic?" Kaz asked with a distasteful expression.
"Well" Y/n looked around the room to stall but the horrified faces of everyone just made it worse "We wereāromantically involved and it just-"
"What were you even thinking?" Kaz said as his face twisted in disgust and he strolled across the room "No-what was I thinking?" He emphasised on 'I' "Sending you to little palace so you're safer there amongst your own grisha, but this entire time your foolishness was the problem? It was my fault to think you might just act your age and do anything BUT marry the worst possible man to ever walk the land but you exceed all expectations y/n!"
"Stop patronising me! I understand I should've told you earlier and I am sorry. But you are acting as if I committed an unspeakable crime!" Y/n exclaimed to her defence as she shrugged, she never considered her and Aleksander a mistake even after what he did. She simply had far better memories, a life on a more beautiful phase of itself and she did not plan to make it revolve around 'what would Kaz think of this'
"How long has this been going on?" He asked y/n yet when she did not reply with an unbothered expression so he turned to Zoya "hmm?"
"Five years or so..." Zoya said truthfully and tolya gave her look. She wasn't adding fuel to the fire, her intention may have been it but she was just being truthful.
"Four and a half." Y/n corrected rolling her eyes and Kaz's face was almost seething with uncontrollable anger, those around him had only ever seen him like this for a handful of time, so angry that he wasn't even scheming.
"You are so awfully naive" Kaz said with an irritated huff "Who else knew about this?" He asked out and turned at the faces of the rest of the crow, neither Nina nor Inej had any input. Jesper had a rather solemn face as well however Wylan's eyes were darted off everywhere else in the room "Wylan?"
"I did not know beforehand she just told me prior this week and I had no idea it would be something this huge but Jesper and I had promised her we won't tell you." Wylan blurted out, as Kaz has expected.
Jesper shut his eyes in disbelief "Wow" he mouthed at Wylan "Kirigan was presumed dead at the time otherwise we would've surely informed you."
"Oh how thoughtful of you Jesper. Tomorrow if he dies again be sure to hide things from me because what does it matter then?" Kaz rebuked and turned to y/n again "Do you realise y/n? That if all the morons in the entirety of the world had to come together and pick a leader you would surely would have no competition!"
"You are upset and I understand that but you aren't entitled to say whatever that comes to your mind because I did not tell you one thing" Y/n replied as she crossed her arms.
"I have had to protect you all my life." he spits out before he can stop himself. He's never spoken these words aloud. He's always just done it and made sure to never say it, but his emotions are all over the place right now. "I've had to keep you safe from everything so I believe I doĀ have the right to be angry when you do something so stupid."
"I am sorry you did not left me in an alleyway or something when we were younger truly sorry to take up so much of your life!" Y/n scoffed letting out a dejected huff, it was just a bit affronting the way he spoke about having to keep her safe "All you did was have me hide somewhere or send me away to keep me safeāthat is even after crow club. To you it is-I am your responsibility before your family."
"I think we are all just crossing lines we don't mean to we can have this conversation laterā"Inej tried to reason and have the siblings to stop fighting.
"No let him have at his melodrama." Y/n said with a grimacing "You know instead of all this slander if you had started planning on how we get the Nesheneyer-"
"We?" Kaz stopped her mid sentence "We" he pointed to the rest of the room "We are getting the Nesheneyer. You are not coming with us."
"What? No-what why? All of the crows are going why not me?" She asked a bit surprise that Kaz would exempt her out of nowhere.
"All of the crows did not almost get married to a monster and did not tell me about it." Kaz said as he raised his brows at her in a matter-of-fact attitude.
"What does that have to do with this? You cannot just hold that against me!" Y/n exclaimed in a high pitched voice.
"I can hold that against you. I am holding that against you." Kaz said firmly.
Y/n was getting hugely irritated at Kaz's decisions on how and where she should be situated "Well fine. Do as you must but you do realise you cannot just hold me back? I can come along on my own."
"How so?" He asked in disbelief and total faith she could not get anywhere across borders on her own.
"To serve Ravaka." Y/n replied bluntly, truly wasnt her reason but whatever worked.
"You do realise Ravaka's enemy at the moment is Kirigan himself? The man you were indulged with for five years and almost married? He is a traitor to Ravaka which makes you one as well." Kaz explained.
"We have the same blood so if I'm a traitor then you're a traitor." Y/n replied sharply.
"I can disown you then." Kaz replied with a shrug completely unbothered by the idea.
"You don't have enough time for the papers." Y/n reminded him, being disowned was kaz's very overused threat to her to stop her from doing what he did not want her to. It only ever worked until she was ten later she just came to realise he was always bluffing, even now.
"I will forge the papers." Kaz said having one solution after another, not that he would do it but just letting her know it was possible for him to do so.
"Then I will forge a passport." Y/n replied crossing her arms.
"I will lock you behind ten metal doors!" Loosing his patience to deal with his conversation Kaz exclaimed, he already had a lot more to say to her about going behind his back to run rendezvous with the darkling.
"I would love to see you try let's see if you have both hands by the end of it." Y/n threatened as Nina let out an exhale of 'saints' the siblings were getting on each other's nerves.
"I said you are not going then you are not going!" Kaz said letting out a heavy breath thinking his word would be the last.
"You are such a prick!" Y/n gave him a shove agitated that he wasn't even trying to consider what she had to say.
"I am trying to protect you!" He poked her arm with his cane in response to her shove truly leaving all the patience for a civil conversation.
That was it, the siblings were at each other's throat after that quite literally throwing hands at one another. Kaz held his sister by her collar as she tried lunge at him a few punches or so "You raggedy little man stop trying to sabotage my life!" She yelped as they continued pushing and shoving each other, throwing hands in an attempt to get the upper hand.Ā
"That monster of your you almost married wasn't sabotaging your life?!" Kaz exclaimed poking her with his cane again once she kicked him, he bed a firm upper hand having gripped her by her collar to keep her from reaching to scratch at his face. "Got manipulated for five years almost into a marriage and I am the one sabotaging your life?"
"It isn't what you make it out to be. I dare you say that again-"
"Manipulated. He manipulated you. You dimwit-"
"You son of a bitchā" She was about to swear at him more when he tugged at her hair "Ow. Ow-ow." She struggled yet managing to continuing kicking him.
"We have the same mother!" He reminded her, the rest of them present in the room knew they had to intervene at some point. Inej was the first to take a step. Nina, Jesper and Wylan followed too with much struggle to get the two to separate.
Tolya gave his input as well, he simply lift y/n off Kaz as Nina stood in front of her and the others managed to get Kaz to stop poking at her with his cane "I will kill you!" She yelled at her brother still waving her legs in air to reach him.
"Not if you die first!" He screamed back struggling against the barrier of Jesper, Wylan and Inej.
"Enough..." Nina urged the two of them "Enough of this. Nobody is dying."
Kaz inhaled a sharp breath as he straightened his coat and tried to calm himself "Put me down!" Y/n exclaimed as tolya still had her mid air, and she scoffed irritatedly as she stared down Kaz. She knew if she treaded there same way with him again it would be of no point. She took a deep breath to collect herself as she rubbed her eyes.
"You can throw all the tantrums you want but you are not going with us. It is far too dangerous as it is and how do I know you won't run off to your beloved monster?" Kaz snapped as he attempted to leave the room, not wanting to have any more of this conversation he was already disappointed and mad for y/n about her and the general.
"I won't Kaz please that isn't fair I am sorry!" Y/n began with a gentler proceeding tone.
"I said no." Kaz said unmoved by her apology, even if she did mean it he was far from accepting it. He was so good at holding a grudge as it is.
"But Kaz..." her voice trailed off but Kaz was already walking out, she paced upto him "Please I am sorry I truly am. I know I upset you I was wrong and I know should've told you. Believe me I never wanted to keep you from it and I planned on telling you countless times I am sorry. I really am but for now...please let me come along. Please I have never asked you for anything all my life please just this one time let me come along." She pleaded, he could mad at her all he wished after that.
Kaz breathed in heavily as he looked like he was considering it, he looked like he did always, solemn and unreadable but if he wasn't already saying anything he was considering it. "You are not to leave my sight for once-"
"Done." Y/n replied agreeing to whatever terms he had if he planned on letting her go with him.
"You will not leave my sight for once and you are not to pull any stunts." He finished his condition with a serious expression as y/n nodded.
"I promise I won't!"
ā
HI HI let me know if you want to be added to the tag list and also donāt forget to drink some water cutie
Kaz Brekker x gn! Reader - Dros; "Thaw" part 1/3 of the Cold world, warm hearts miniseries
A/n: Dros is thaw in ravkan
Summary: You're from Ravka, and somehow you got caught up in the dregs. When you go on the ice court heist and come even closer and closer as you all get further along on the heist. Yet you still hold a secret close to your heart, one that might save or kill you all.
Warnings: death, violence, fire, spoliers, mentions of addiction, implied abusive parents, I think that's it? You have been warned!
The three p's:
[Pronouns used: you/your] [Pov: 2nd person] [Pairings: (romantic!) kaz x reader, (platonic!) crows x reader)
Part 1/3 Part 2/3 Part 3/3 (all coming soon)
*not my gif*
You're all so close, so close to the end, the end where you all get to go home.
Home, where was your home? Could it be Ravka in the little palace where you're parents reside? Playing with masks and fake words? Or beyond somewhere different, perhaps in Novyi Zem where the old king and queen rest.
Glancing over to Kaz, you question if it could be Kerch. Could Ketterdam, all in it's grime and crime be your home?
You didn't know. You didn't know much.
An inferni is nothing without their flames, are words that your own mother whispered in your ear as she taught you all that she knew. You know how to summon the flames from a lighter that you carried everywhere even if you haven't done it in years. You were sure that you were still proficient in it though, you were the best of the best.
Blaze, that's what that they used to call you. Blaze because you were the best inferni not because you were the most powerful but because you knew your craft better than anyone else. You knew the language of the flames.
Then there were the uncertainties; like where would you go after this? Were the crows people you truly could become friends with? Have you already? Would coming back with the money finally please your parents? What about Kaz, would you just leave him?
So many uncertainties, things you couldn't figure out, unlike your flames. Your certain, beautiful flames.
Yet as you scanned the area around the eight of you, you couldn't think of a single uncertainty or certainty. You just knew these terrible people did not deserve to die.
Especially Kaz Brekker. Kaz Brekker was not going to die today.
As Nina took the parem out of her pocket you snatched it out of her hands before she could take it.
"What are you doing!" She screeched at you.
"I can't let you take this."
"There's no other way!"
Tilting your head, you smiled sadly, she was so desperate to save everyone without a second thought. Although you weren't even certain you were doing the right thing.
Looking over to Kaz you stare at him, at his beautiful blazing pools of darkness and did something only a criminal would do.
"There's always another way."
You tilted your head back and threw the parem into your mouth.
Instantly the power flows through you like a title wave and you feel your skin heating up, shimmering. You were going to show them, you were going to show them all what it meant when they go after your friends.
You don't say anything as you step forward and raise your hands like you're surrendering them before flicking a light up into your one hand not even bothering with gloves and letting all of it go.
Frejdan soldiers burst into ashes the flames barely touching them before it shallows someone else. Others simply just explode, you couldn't stop, it was too much power. Yet still not enough, you weren't satisfied, for you they hadn't paid their price.
Then out of the corner of your eye you saw Matthias and Nina speaking to that stupid drĆ¼skelle, Jarl Brum. You didn't manage to catch most of the conversation because the blood was running so fast in your ears it was the only thing you could truly focus on. Though you did hear him threaten their deaths, and that was all it took for you to start walking over.
Jarl Brum sneered as you came over. "You cannot kill us witch, our armor is reinforced with Grisha steel." He paused, and a sick smile came across his face. "Though, I would like to see you fail."
Staring at him blankly, you close your eyes and feel the energy coursing through their veins. Fire is just a source of energy, right? Surely, you could do more then just summon flames.
A laugh is torn out of your throat and the men behind him start to groan in pain as you slowly drain the energy from them. For them it would be a slow, painful death, you want Frejda to remember you when you left, to remember the inferi who showed them mercy.
By killing them.
"Don't kill them." Nina whispers, her body shaking as Matthias places his hands on her shoulders. "You don't have to kill them, don't give them another reason to fear grisha. Don't become another story for Frejdan's to tell their children at night."
Perhaps you should let them go, but how many more grisha would die because you let them live? No, that was playing a fools game, you would show them your kindness, and teach them why they should fear grisha like you. Grisha who are angry, grisha how don't care if their name is whispered in the same breath as monsters.
You would become a new legend, you would surpass Kaz, you were sure.
"What do they say?" You ask quizzically, as if you were truly pondering the question. "The ice does not forgive." You snarl and you turn to Brum as you raise your hands. "But in my flames you will find mercy."
You grab a hold of the energy in their veins, and watch them combust, as you change it to hot fire.
"Y/n!" A voice screams from behind you.
"Y/n! Come back!" You turn your head and Kaz is there offering a desperate hand for you.
Suddenly you blink and you realize what you're doing, you're razing an entire community of people. Faintly, you realize that you're not even doing for your own survival but for the survival of others. Others you care for.
"We have to go!"
And you're walking towards him, and you take his gloved hand, the only hand you can even hold right now without even burning them.
__________________
The ship is quiet, not a single person had come up to you, and you're not surprised, you had lied to them.
It still hurt, because you risked your life - you still don't know now how the parem will take course in your body. But you know you would do it again.
A subtle clank of a cane comes like music to your ears as Kaz comes up from behind you.
"You know I didn't see that coming." He said quietly as he leaned against the railing next to you.
"I didn't either." You answer honestly as you gaze at the ocean.
There's a silence as Kaz struggles to say something, to convey what he's feeling.
"You know I'm not angry."
"You're not?" You frown, finally you move your head so you're looking at him as his gaze still sits on the blue waters.
"Should I be? I see no reason to."
You sigh, "I lied to you, I lied to everyone. Anyone on this boat has every right to be angry."
You pause before adding; "Especially you."
Kaz shakes his head and at last looked at you with his piercing pitch black gaze.
"Everyone has their secrets yours," He taps his hand on his cane, "Just saved my life."
"So Kaz Brekker is in debt for the first time in his life." You say then start to immediate his rasp. "Oh! What will he do!"
"I don't sound like that." He deadpans.
"You sound exactly like that." Your sentence trails off into laughter at the end.
There's a tranquil quietness that descends on the both of you. It's like that for some time before the bastard speaks;
"You know I am in debt to you"
Pursing your lips you nod your head. "I know how you can repay me."
"I'm listening."
"Stay with me through the process of the with drawl and whatever this drug does to my body." You look down at you're glowing skin.
"And no matter under any circumstances give me parem, no matter how much I beg or cry. Don't give it to me, it will just kill me more."
Part one of a Kaz x inferni!female!reader fic, based on Dancing With our Hands Tied by Taylor Swift
Description: Kaz and the reader fall for one another, and they begin a relationship they vow to keep secret
Warnings: Basic SoC stuff, i.e. kidnapping, injuries, etc.
Words: 2467
(Some lyric were added, cut, or edited in order to fit better with the story, setting, and tone.)
I, I loved you in secret
First sight, yeah, we love without reason
Oh, twenty-five years old
Oh, how were you to know,
When the unknown girl first strode into the Crow Club, Kaz barely spared her a second glance, simply a quick look for any signs of hidden cards or loaded dice in her pocket. He saw a glint of metal, but anyone with common sense -- especially a lone woman -- brought weapons to crowded gambling dens. But then he looked again, and he was stopped in the middle of the doorway to his office.Ā
She's beautiful. The thought ran through his head without his bidding, and he did his best to ignore it, turning on his heel and returning to his office, hand clenched tightly on his cane. He wouldn't think about her. He would ignore it, let her gamble her money away into his coffers, and never think about the mysterious girl again. Instead he turned his attention to copying down the most recent calculations of Dregās funds. He still kept paper evidence of their supplies, even though he owned the Dregs and had no need to write the numbers in his head down on paper. Old habits die hard, he supposed. Or perhaps he just enjoyed physical reminders of his success.Ā
A knock ran through the room. Kaz looked up from the desk, mildly confused. Last he knew of, no one was supposed to give him any reports today. Gripping his cane tightly, he got up from the desk and sat carefully on its top. "Come in," The door opened a crack, and his cane nearly hit the floor before he quickly caught it by the beak of the crow's head.
It was the girl.
He simply stared at her for a second, and only when their eyes met did he push himself back into reality. Without meaning to, heād straightened his back and adjusted his gloves. He scowled. Kaz already had one weakness, one he was forced to wear everyday on his hands. He couldnāt afford to be caught off guard simply while looking at someone.
The girl must have assumed the scowl was a sign her life was at risk, because she closed the door a little bit, hiding her face from him.
He wanted to call it weak, but he couldn't bring himself to think anything negative about her. All he could do was balance his cane on his knees and briefly raise his hands in the air. Even if this girl made him weak, he wasnāt going to harm her without good reason.
She likely realized he wasn't going to shoot her where she stood, and she opened the door fully, took a step into the room, and finally spoke.
"I would like to join the Dregs."
He opened his mouth to ask anything, to gain any information on her, but she interrupted him.Ā
āMy name is Y/n L/n. Iām a Second Army defector. I arrived here yesterday, thatās why you havenāt seen me. I know you have at least one Grisha in your employ who does not seem to be enslaved or harmed, so I have come to ask for Dregs protection.ā
Kaz had many, many questions, but one of them rose to his lips. āA Grisha? Any more specifics you feel like sharing?ā
A half smile lifted on her face, and Kaz got the distinct impression she wasnāt someone to mess with. āIām an Inferni. But Iāve developed my own way of fighting.ā In one coordinated motion, she drew a curved blade -- a scythe, some part of Kazās brain informed him -- from a sheath at her side. Her thumb moved briefly along the grip, and he heard the distinct click of a lighter. Sure enough, in a second, licks of flame rose along the entirety of the blade. They grew, until her face was visible only through flickering light. Her half-smile had grown, and he couldnāt help but mirror it on his own face. The heat filled the room as one thought filled his head. She was incredible.
And just like that, Y/n became a problem Kaz couldn't simply ignore.
My, my love had been frozen
Deep blue, but you painted me golden
Kaz's first way of dealing with his problem was to simply give her simple jobs, setting her to scare naive tourists straight into the loving arms (and open coffers) of the Crow Club. But it was clear to her, and himself, that he was wasting Y/nās talents. So he started giving her more important roles. But never on jobs with him. He never let himself near her outside of the Slat. Even then, he wouldnāt give her more than a nod. All his communication to her was through notes, slipped into her room while she was out.
Kaz knew it was childish. He knew he should be strong enough to at least talk to her. But in the years since whatever was between Inej and him died, he had shut his heart behind an unpickable lock. But here was a girl, a beautiful, incredible girl, who he feared held the key. So he wouldnāt let Y/n near him. He couldnāt.
Still, his eyes always strayed to her during late nights in the main rooms of the Slat. He watched the fire which sprang in her hands late at night when the lanterns were out. He heard her footsteps on the broken cobbles as she set out into the dark streets of the Barrel. So, of course, he heard her muffled scream. He heard the familiar sound of a fight breaking outside the rickety building. And he was on his feet before he could wonder if it was a good idea.
As Kaz opened the door to the cold air, he was greeted by an ugly sight; Y/n, gagged, with hands bound behind her back, sickle on the ground behind her, kicking and headbutting one of three attackers.Ā
A precise jab to Y/nās primary attackerās calf brought him down to his knees, as Kaz spun the cane around to slam against another approacherās jaw. Finally, glancing at his accomplices on the ground, the final attacker ran. Kaz didnāt mind. Heād send the Wraith after him later.
Carefully, he approached Y/n. She had crumpled to the ground, her left leg bent at an unnatural angle which was painful just to look at. She glanced at him, her face set in grim pain. āThank you.ā
āYouāre under Dregās protection.ā
She sat fully up, though the movement was jerky and clearly caused her serious pain. āI know. But seeing as how you never even meet my eyes, I didnāt think you would bother to help me.ā
āY/n, you are one of the most valuable memb-ā
āThen why donāt you ever let me work with you? If Iām so āvaluableā, let me actually do shit! Why do you act like working with me will kill you?ā
Because it could. Because If I let myself know you, Iāll never be able to give you up. Because that would make me weak.
He stayed silent.
Y/n shook her head slightly, grabbed her scythe, and used the lighter on the hilt to set the air around her aflame. She started to rise off the ground, but it seemed to cause her too much pain, because only a second later she collapsed back to the ground. She took a breath, and it seemed like she was going to try again, but instead she reached out and grabbed this cane below the Crow head. She met his eyes with a challenging gaze, and he let his own hand slip away from it.
āI look forward to the time you finally embrace my abilities, my power,ā Using the cane, she rose and limped toward the club, not even turning back to finish her sentence with, āUntil then Iāll do your easy work. Just think of me the next time a job you are in goes wrong. Think of how much I could have helped. Think of how if you stopped being a child and ignoring me, the pain couldāve been avoided.ā
Kaz winced. She wasnāt wrong. A lot of the jobs heād been on recently were falling apart mid-way through. Heād lost two Dregs, and his own body was riddled with new bruises and cuts. As she walked away from him, hand on his cane, head a silhouette against the fire in her palms, and he couldnāt stay silent any longer.
āY/n, wait.ā
She stopped, though she refused to look at him. He deserved it, for all the times heād refused to look at her.Ā
But that would stop now.Ā
Because for once in his life, Kaz Brekker told the truth.
Oh, and you held me close
Oh, how was I to know that
I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets
Picture of your face in an invisible locket
You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it
It started small. Kaz thought it would stay small. He thought he would just allow himself to look at her, to be kinder to her. But the more time he spent around her, the further he fell. She started coming to his room in the Slat, sitting on the rickety chair in the corner which had no use previously. When the sun set, small trails of flame would fly to the candles scattered around the room, and Kaz would smile - Something he found he was doing unnervingly often when she was around.
He started drafting plans with her. At first she simply listened, pointing out errors seconds after his own brain spotted them. But what they discovered was her talent for creating contingency plans. Kaz prided himself in his plans, but the fact of the matter was that they went wrong. And he was tired of making entire new plans in the span of minutes. He listened, amazed, as Y/n took issues he would have labeled as ācalculated risksā, and created backup plans, ideas, and adjustments in case things went wrong. Kaz found that he loved her scheming face.
However, with Kaz hyper-aware of his reputation in Ketterdam, and Y/nās eye for dangers, both understood what their relationship meant. Kaz had allowed himself a weakness in his feelings for Y/n, but he wasnāt going to announce it to the world. He hated how each day they got closer, each time he held back the waters enough to hold the hand of the girl he cared so deeply for, they had to ensure no one was nearby. Slowly, though, they settled into a routine, days filled with hidden glances and secret meanings beneath whispered words.Ā
One day, a knock rang through Kazās door before dawn. He was up, of course, as there was a small job being run later in the afternoon. āYes?ā
When he saw Y/n through the crack of the opening door, Kaz put down his pen. Sparing a quick glance to the hallway she was entering from, he was relieved to see no one. āIs everything okay? Iāve never seen you up this early,ā Kaz said while raising his eyebrows; it was true, anytime Y/n stayed in his room long enough to fall asleep at night there, he always had to wake her up to remind her to return to her own room before all the others rose. Neither of them minded -- nights where he was comfortable enough to sleep in the same bed as her were rare, and so they embraced them no matter the inconveniences of secrecy.Ā
āNo, everythingās fine,ā Y/n said with a small smile. āJust sometimes I canāt believe you- well, us - I forget that any of this is real. That something so pure exists in this dump of a city.ā
Kaz waited. He knew her, and he knew there was more. She was a deeply complex person, and he knew that she had more to say.
I had a bad feeling
āSo Iā¦ I got you something. Something physical. Something to remind me, and maybe you, that this is all real.ā She pulled out a small cloth bag out of her pocket. Kaz recognized the weight of what was hidden inside, and his stomach dropped. She must have noticed something in his face, because she continued on quickly, āKaz, I know you must have the same moments. Where you think this is a ticking time bomb. But we are something real, even if we canāt show it.ā She pulled a sleek black ring from the bag. With slow fingers, Y/n reached to ward where Kazās gloveless fingers gripped his cane.
He flinched his hand back, images of the ring on his finger, the contrast of the black against his pale skin, filling his mind.
She winced. āNo, the- itās for the cane, Kaz.ā
He looked up at her, meeting her eyes with a questioning glance.
āJust let me show you.ā This time, when she reached out, he slowly handed her the cane, avoiding her fingers.
Her gaze lingered on his hand, and he knew Y/n had noticed his apprehension. Her worried eyes met him, but he broke eye contact quickly, gesturing for her to show him what the ring was. She flicked what must have been a hidden latch, and the ring opened on invisible hinges. She slipped it onto the black shaft of his cane, and shut it with a click. It blended perfectly with the black finish of the rest of the cane, the only indication for its existence the shadows the ring cast below it.
As Y/n handed the cane back to him, Kaz realized the ring sat where she had grabbed the cane the night he finally confessed everything to her. His heart flipped in his chest.
Once his hand was firmly wrapped around the golden crowās head, Y/n turned to leave. Kaz didnāt miss the look on her face. His flinch away from her had hurt her. He hadnāt trusted her judgment. Had assumed she was making a rash gesture.
Without thinking, Kaz grabbed her wrist with his unoccupied hand. A second passed, both of them glancing at the touching skin. Kaz waited for the water to rush in.
It didnāt.Ā
Kaz looked at her, their eyes meeting once again. As he slowly released her wrist, he spoke. āY/n, I love you.ā Her eyes widened, and he gave a small smile.
āI love you too.ā Her voice broke as she said it.
As she slowly left his room, Kaz noticed that a matching black ring wrapped around the top of her scytheās grip.
A secret love, represented by a secret pair of rings.
The crows had finalized on how to get y/n out, completely unaware of the unhinged plan that y/n had to get herself, Matthias and Marie out. Their plan largely depended on y/n winning a hellfight, which she had now chosen not to participate in. Kaz came to know in the morning of the night they planned on breaking her out.
"what does this mean" Jesper exclaimed, completely restless now, thoughts of y/n constantly going through his head. It was good that she wont be fighting a beast but how are we supposed to get her out now. "what are we going to do now"
"the trial?" Nina asked furrowing her brows.
"She only has one day" Kaz said grimly "That may not be an option"
Inej was pacing around, making no sound by distinctly visible and worried. "There has to be something" she prayed internally "we can't just do nothing. I don't know if it's related but there a lot more disappearances around the city and people keep showing up at her shop, what is going on"
Everyone was worried. The last week had painted a completely new picture of y/n and it was uncomfortable. She had a lot more influence than they realized. Kaz was particularly worried, she knew he was not from the Barrel, what else could she know about his past. About everyone's past. They were scared.
"we can still use the hellfight as a means to break in but finding her would be more difficult now" Kaz said, not liking the odds. If y/n had this much power in the barrel she was not an enemy he should have made. Maybe he could make amends.
"we're going" Inej stated.
Jesper agreed immediately, Nina and Kaz were more cautious but agreed nevertheless. She was not what they thought she was and not knowing was a dangerous bet. But that is what you do in ketterdam, you gamble.
"You realize you only have one day before they" Matthias stopped not really comfortable all of a sudden.
"before they explode me like a balloon" y/n offered laughing slightly at the image. It did not hurt to do that after a long time.
"yeah that" Matthias said streching his lips into a line. "how are you going to do whatever you are planning"
"what are your chores" y/n asked throwing away molted bread from the breakfast. Now that Matthias and Marie had agreed to help her she could get to devising her plan. Exciting times.
"Um cleaning, floors" Marie said, hoping that's not what she'll have to do to escape, she hated it.
"repairs" Matthias said when y/n jutted her chin in his direction.
She hummed. Some sort concreteness coming up.
"Marie, how much bleach can you smuggle into the laundry room?' y/n asked.
"A bottle at most, bit more if i have distraction, but won't laundry room already have bleach" Marie looked confused.
"Laundry bleach is not strong plus this prison doesn't exactly have white uniforms that they'd keep a decent amount. Can you get three liters maybe" y/n said, her brain doing math to make chloroform, enough to knock out guards during the dining hours. "and Matthias," He looked startled even though he was already paying attention, "need you to keep one of the manholes of sewer system open, preferably near the guards' quarters.
"Shouldn't we be as far away from guards when trying to get out" He asked trying to understand what she was thinking.
"where's the fun in that" y/n giggled, working out details on how she would terrorize the guards once chloroform's effect wears off. "i hope you both know how to use a gun"
Matthias nodded reluctantly but Marie shook her head. "I though you were supposed to be drafted to war do they not take eligibility criteria or something in Ravka" y/n asked slightly annoyed.
"Eligibility is being 14, everything else they teach once you are inducted, from which I ran away" Marie said, looking uncomfortable.
"Right hmm" y/n said deep in thought "get the bleach in place before noon" She commanded hurriedly as the bell chimed and her personal guard as she liked to call them was within earshot. She nodded slightly at Matthias hoping he understands that it meant that he does his part without more question. "Meet you at lunch" She chimed as the guard tugged her towards the opposite direction.
"it's not like they can run anywhere" the guard laughed at her bonking her with the gun to walk faster. Gillis again. These men never learn she thought.
"yeah so funny" she mocked which landed another jab at her back. She tripped a bit, the shackles were becoming a big pain she needed to get out of them. This guy is dying today she decided and scoffed to herself.
"have fun" he pushed her inside the clothes room.
There heaps of guard uniforms, cell bedsheets, inmates uniform to wash, dry and fold. There were also another heap of uniforms which needed mending. The guards loved leaving their underwear, crispy underwear she shuddered, in that heap to mess with inmates.
The man, Kronk only other prisoner her with the red uniform was soon pushed inside. Y/n noticed him flare his nostrils and controlling himself from not hitting the guard. He was here for multiple partially eaten human bodies that were found in his apartment's kitchen. He looked at y/n who was sorting out the clothes, looking for something to drench with chloroform discretely, and waved. He seemed to some sort of a crush.
He started filling buckets with water and soaking the inmates' uniforms which had blood on them. Periods, guards, other fights. Hellgate loved blood.
"you should probably mend the clothes" he said in broken Suli.
"I can speak kerch pretty well, you know because that's what i learnt" y/n replied rolling her eyes.
He looked away clearly embarrassed. He's really timid for a cannibal she thought. She did move onto mending, buttons, tears normal stuff. Table cloth. Perfect she thought. the vapors will knock out a whole table together. It had a frayed at the ends.
The bell chimed eleven, a guard came in, startling y/n because it was unusual for them to check on them after they had locked them inside. But the guard simply added a hand shackle on Kronk and guided him out, y/n raised an eyebrow.
"hellfight" Kronk said when he noticed her looking. The guard just pulled him out faster. The door shut and the bolt sounded. It's better for me she thought, making chloroform from bleach while not giving it away would have been difficult. Luck was rare but where was Marie.
As if she heard her thoughts, Marie rolled two bottles of bleach through the vent that ran above. Y/n caught it so it didn't make any sound. Good girl she whispered through the vent, not sure if Marie could hear. Chemistry was fun, she had enough to soak the table cloth, they might notice it's a little wet nut it should turn to vapor by the time they do anything about it. She worked fast setting aside the bucket of chloroform for the end and washing the clothes quickly, folding everything. She heard the guards unlock the door so she swiftly poured the weapon on the folded tablecloths taking a deep breath before and holding it as long as she could.
Two guards and one worker entered. One of the guards and the worker took the bundle of tablecloth with them probably going to set the table and the other handcuffed her hands to the back.
The guard left her in the rec room, without removing her handcuffs. There were Marie, Matthias and two more inmates with two guards looking bored. She moved towards Matthias signaling Marie to not move but she did not understand.
"did you leave one unlocked" she whispered.
"I left two unlocked" he said uneasily, the guards were too close.
"ooh nice work Helvar" y/n praised "I get why Nina liked you"
"you're still handcuffed" Marie said, pointing out the obvious.
"I'm aware" y/n said "now listen, I will comment on their secrets," she said nodding towards the guards who looked uninterested, "they will probably come to attack, take their rifles from behind"
"they notice" Matthias said with furrowed brows.
"No they'll have enough anger to come directly towards me" she snickered "I'll handle that."
"Okay, then what"
"Then we have the power" y/n said, impatiently when she noticed the guards looking at them pointedly. "just do what I say, I know my way around"
They nodded and she turned the guards and grinned.
"Hey David" she teased "How are your experiments in the back going" he knew she was referring to his sodomy and like she predicted was instantly furious and started his stride towards her "I heard Victor's mom would be interested" She smiled as both of them took out their batons ready to beat her.
Matthias took Victor's rifle with ease because of the distraction and knocked him out. Marie was not so successful and David forced her to her knees, pointing his weapon on her head and Matthias quickly did the same.
"oh come on" y/n said completely irritated now, and rotated her shoulders in a very painful way so now her hands were in the front. That distracted David enough that Marie could backflip him kick the rifle out of his hands. She stood shocked at herself. "damn nice kid"
The other inmates were old and did not looked amused or interested. "you are wasting your effort" one of them said.
"what now" Marie said with an uneasy feeling. Y/n kicked David to his side to fish out the keys to her handcuffs and shackles. Handcuffs she found but not shackles. Victor stirred a bit as y/n took his pistol from his holster and quickly unsheathed a knife and stabbed her leg when he realized what was happening.
She yelped but responded with the same speed and shot his head.
"ew" she said at his brains that splattered on her. Matthias and Marie were coming to realize what y/n was capable of. Y/n pulled out the knife and murmured "rude".
"Let's go" she chirped turning to them and smiling once she was done bandaging. Both of them were still recovering from what just happened. She noticed them staring. "this can't be the first dead body you are seeing, and I am literally here for murder"
"right" Marie said and Matthias shook his slightly and gained his composure.
"follow" she said, pointing towards the door, dragging her feet which made her slower than she liked. "take a gun"
"knife" Marie stated, taking the one with y/n's blood, Matthias took the other pistol that David had and followed.
She led them through the corridors as fast as she could towards the dining hall, there were no more guards around because they were at the dining hall. Knocked out she thought to herself.
Summary: you've built quite a reputation for yourself with that handbag you always carry around. One day the Crows decide to take a look inside but that was your plan all along. Quite a Trickster you are.
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Kaz Brekker was always one step ahead, at all times. That scheming face of his came a long way, just not when it came to a certain someone's handbag.
He had tried on many occasions to discover its contents by simply observing.
taking a look inside would be overstepping.
But with each passing day of no success he grew more frustrated. There were simply too many questions and possibilities roaming through that genius brain of his and your luck with the cards made him question whether or not that handbag even helped you cheat.
The man had tried everything so far.
Asking Jesper to charm you into giving him a cue or even a look inside, even Inej had been persuaded to try her luck.
And though she wasn't very happy about taking a look into a ladies' possessions, her own curiosity had killed the cat eventually.
The three of them set up a bulletproof plan.
It should've been easy enough for the three Crows but the odds - or Saints as Inej had said - were once more working in your favor.
So the plan had failed due to you having Jesper wrapped around your little finger. Now you were stuck with a brooding Zemeni, an impressed Suli and an incredibly frustrated boy from the Barrel crowded around you as you sat in a chair, bag in your lap.
Kaz' rough voice cut through the silence, making a shiver run down your back.
maybe you had let this go on for a second too long and Dirtyhands would show you the true meaning behind his name.
"What do you keep in your handbag?"
Even that simple question sounded more like a command from his lips.
upset because he couldn't figure it out?
With hands still bound behind your back, you nodded towards the bag in your lap gesturing for him to take a look inside.
keeping up the mysterious act.
You could sense Jesper fidgeting to your left and a quick glance from Kaz told you HE would be the one taking a look inside.
You bit your lip, trying to keep from laughing out loud at the thought of what they were about to witness. Jesper was eager to finally solve the mystery and grabbed your bag in a swift motion, the excitement practically bubbling out of him. Inej kept close watch behind Kaz in anticipation, yet the man himself concealed his wonder perfectly.
Then finally, Jesper opened your handbag only to be greeted by a black liquid spilling on his face. Jesper's shriek filled the room as he dropped the bag to the floor. Now you really couldn't contain your laughter at the faces of the famous Crows. Inej seemed close to joining your laughing fit, Kaz just wore that scheming face of his, looking at your bag
And Jesper.... Jesper clawed at his face as if darkness had swallowed him whole, but the liquid simply wouldn't budge.
"Kaz do something!"
But Kaz just stared at you with an unreadable look that filled you with unease. Inej had made her way to Jesper and tried helping him clean off the liquid and you were breathing hard from all the laughing. The distraction helped you escape the bindings and as Kaz started staring into the distance you wondered if he had known all along.
"scheming face," Inej whispered to Jesper who still couldn't see anything.
You stretched out your arms over your head and nodded. "Definitely."
That had decided it.
The escape artist in possession of a handbag, filled with remnants of the fold had just passed the entrance exam with ease.
omg dev can i please get just like cuddling in front of a fireplace with jesper after a long day
i know the weather is still summery like but iām a sucker for autumn/winter cozy fics
yes taja i absolutely loved this. im so done with summer and these types of fics are the best
Fireside
Rain slammed against the window, an uneven rhythm drowning out your thoughts. Orange and yellow flames danced in the fireplace, basking the room in a cosy hue and spreading a welcomed warmth.Ā
There was a book lying in your lap, pages lit by the firelight just enough so you could read. One finger was fumbling with the corner of the right page while your eyes travelled over the words quickly.Ā
Softly, the door of the room opened and Jesper walked in. He was wearing linen trousers and a cotton shirt, much different from his usual, colourful attire, but you loved it because it showed the softer side of his personality. One that only came out around you.Ā
"Still not finished?" Jesper nodded to your book.Ā
You huffed. "I started this morning."Ā
"That usually doesn't stop you."Ā
Jesper sunk down next to you on the sofa, throwing one arm over the back, right behind you. He pressed a kiss to the side of your head and rested his own head on your shoulder after.Ā
"I missed you," he mumbled.Ā
You smiled despite yourself. "Babe, you were gone three hours."Ā
"Yes! Do you have any idea how long that is without" āhe took your handā "your hands? Or" āhe tipped his index finger against your lipsā "your kisses? And, don't even get me started on missing" āhe used his finger to push the corner of your mouth back and you giggledā "hmm, that. I can't survive without your laugh."Ā
You let out an embarrassed laugh and hid your face in the crook of Jesper's neck. He pulled your head back, holding it steady in front of his own.Ā
"Don't hide from me." Very slowly he kissed you, cupping your jaw.Ā
The heat of the fire was nothing compared to the heat in your cheeks, but you smiled at Jesper and pressed a kiss to his nose.
"I missed you, too," you said.Ā
Jesper rested his head on your shoulder again. You appreciated the heat radiating off his body. He was always warm, even on the coldest nights, and you loved having your own little heater. Whenever you were cold, all you had to do was crawl against his chest. Luckily, he never declined.Ā
The hand behind you slid down to your waist and Jesper pulled you closer to his body. You were pressed tightly to him, feeling his breath on your skin each time he breathed out.Ā
You tried to focus on your book, but you were just too comfortable.Ā
"I'll fall asleep like this," you mumbled.Ā
"Good," Jesper said. "That'll give me an excuse to sleep too."Ā
You laughed, closing your book and putting it aside. "You can always fall asleep against me."Ā
"I'm usually otherwise occupied when so close to you." You could feel Jesper's smirk against your skin. "Don't think you'll appreciate me falling asleep then."Ā
"You're impossible," you chuckled.Ā
You threw your arm around Jesper and placed your legs over his. His free hand rested on your thigh.
Jesper pressed a kiss to your collarbone. "And all yours, too."
