#cry.suv

[goldenrdkin]

CW: Vent, body/species dysphoria 💔

Me: I don’t really feel like I’m otherkin. Maybe I’m just faking it...

Also me: * nearly bursts into tears after seeing my weird human body instead of my Changewing shift *

[goldenrdkin]

CW: heavy vent, species/body dysphoria, eye strain, body horror

hhhhhhhggfhh i hate this i hate THIS

there is someone i HATE in MY territory, i fucking want them to LEAVE OUT GET OUT GET O U T

its bad enough that im having constant feral shifts, THIS IS NOT HELPING

I WANT TO HURT SOMETHING OR SOMEBODY

I WANT TO CLAW, MAUL, ROAR MY FUCKING LUNGS OUT, JUST ANYITHNGG

why do i HAVE to mask, why do i HAVE to stay quiet, IM TIRED OF STAYING QUIET, IM TIRED OF THIS STRESS, IM T IR E D, EXHAUSTED, AT MY GODDAMN LIMIT SINCE LONG AGO AND IM NOT GOING TO HOLD IT IN ANY FUCING LONGER

im both so fucking thankful p-shifting is not possible but HATE it, if i could just become who i fucking am, things would be a lot fucking different right now. i could defend my goddamn territory, instead of this pathetic fleshy body.

they accuse ME of being scared, they accuse ME for THEIR DOING. THEY MADE ME THIS WAY. THEY MADE ME FEEL SCARED TO LIVE IN MY OWN FUCKING HOME. AND THEY ACCUSE ME?

AAAAAAAAAA IM SICK OF THIS SHIT. IM SO FUCKING SICK.

[goldenrdkin]

@staff

Tumblr. For the love of the gods. I do NOT want this shit on my dashboard.

As someone who lives in the U.S.A and is very well aware of how horrible things are right now, feeling like my life could be threatened as an AFAB queer nonhuman, this is the last thing I want to see.

Please, PLEASE let me turn this shit off for good, or at least let me filter it out?? That should be the bare minimum. I cannot stress enough how triggering this is, and I highly doubt I'm the only one.

[goldenrdkin]

Mental Health

I'm still not entirely sure if I should even post about this, but whatever-

CW: Suicidal thought mention, self-harm mention

Things haven't been looking up for me lately. My mental health has been deteriorating rapidly, and I'm honestly scared of how much worse I'll get. I've been having suicidal thoughts and urges to self-harm or run away from my family.

I don't know how to fix this, either. I'm medicated for anxiety, but it isn't working nearly as well as it should. My ADHD and depression are still unmedicated and undiagnosed, and it really feels like my family doesn't care. Or at least they sure as hell aren't making any efforts to show they care.

I'm really sorry to dump this out of nowhere, but I feel like it needs to be said, whether I like it or not. I might drop updates later on, or not, I don't know. I'm just hoping and praying something gets better.

[goldenrdkin]

System Black-Out

Not really sure what to put for a content warning... I guess it's similar to fading or dormancy, so if that makes you uncomfortable or distressed, it may be best to skip this one.

So, uhh... something happened. If you saw my last post/vent, you may know what's going on. If you haven't and don't want to read a vent (understandable /gen), just know this - I've been losing contact with my headmates, and it's stressful.

I wanted to get through today, thinking that I'm having an off day and can't think straight. Well, I'm not the only one. I was finally able to talk with one of our fictives, Sergio.

Apparently, our whole headspace had gone dark. It wasn't just me - everyone couldn't talk to each other. I haven't found everyone yet, either, only Sergio and two others. Three are still missing.

So does anyone know what's going on, whatever this is? The only thing I can think of is, maybe, this "black-out" was caused by too much stress? Which would make perfect sense considering my current situation, but I can't say for certain just yet.

If anyone has any clue about this, please please let me know. I'll keep y'all updated whenever I can.

[goldenrdkin]

CW: Vent-ish

I've been a lot more stressed lately. I get under- and over-stimulated so easily, my ticks are coming back, but I can't explain it to my parents and I really don't have anyone close to me IRL that I can trust wholly. Some days, I just feel trapped.

What's worse is my main support is slowly being cut off; my headmates. They're the only ones that understand and listen. But now, it's getting harder and harder to hear them. I think they can hear me, but I don't even know anymore. I don't want to lose them. They're my friends, family even, I can't fucking lose them.

I just. I'm so tired. Exhausted. No motivation. Stressed. Little to no self-esteem. I don't know what to do. I can't do anything. I just can't.

I just want to sleep. I want to be normal.

[goldenrdkin]

yikes im really stressed for some reason-

idek if this is just a weird feral shift coming on, maybe panic attack, but it's giving me a headache so 😀👍

[goldenrdkin]

why did i read syscourse why did i read syscourse why did i read syscour