#cultens

[jasperwhitlockk]

LNC: Alice Cullen Edition {+}

[haletwinsstan]

i KNOW i need to stop making memes about a cult war im not involved in but this is the Mood

[cultens]

me at 3am just lying in bed and staring at the ceiling for absolutely no reason

[waltzingwithbenedict]

The rivalry is heating up @broturi

[phil-dwyer-stan-account]

Me: pretending I didn’t encourage twilight cults to fight over me for attention

@broturi @cultens

[ilovevampiressomuch]

How Bella really got impregnated with Resume the demon baby (among other things)

Somebody at school had thought mean things about Edward Cullen’s khaki vest and he was just about ready to kill himself. The problem was that the only way to do that was to provoke the volturi and Esme had recently created a ‘provoking the volturi’ jar where you had to put a dollar for symbolism each time but also roam around the woods with Emmett singing the soundtrack from ‘Mamma Mia!’ which to say the least was an interesting experience.

Luckily, Edward had the next-best thing to killing himself, which was the Crying Closet™! Here, nestled among his 50 pairs of khaki pants, Edward was free to lie curled up on his side listening to Clair De Lune on repeat for 4 days straight.

The only problem with this is that his entire body had fallen asleep. Vampires don’t have blood, but they do canonically have venom that circulates like blood, and since they don’t have a heart, they have to move around to get that venom pumping. Edward hadn’t moved in 4 days.

He staggered down the stairs to the laundry room, set the dryer on tumble dry low, and hopped in. That felt better! He was spun around and around for about half an hour until he could feel the venom in him swishing around. His legs were feeling a little less weird now.

“Hey.” said Emmett, interrupting his reverie. “Mom says it’s my turn in the dryer!”

Edward glared at him and continued vibing.

“She said it’s my turn! Get out!”

Edward sighed, burdened with the knowledge that Emmett needed to get the venom flowing for a far different reason. This, readers, is how Edward managed to impregnate Bella, by the way. While she was shaving her legs and stuff, he did a quick cycle in the dryer to warm things up and get the blood pumping. Well, venom. You get the idea.

After Emmett had been standing outside for a few minutes, Edward realized the only reason he hadn’t yeeted him out of the dryer a while ago was because he had promised Bella he would stop bullying her husband after the Incident with the spatula last week. He grinned, knowing he could stay in the dryer as long as he wanted and Emmett couldn’t do anything. The last time he broke a promise with Bella she stole his hydroflask and threw it off mount rushmore. That had been a fun day.

@masencullen 

[bellas-lemonade-cap]

My favorite thing about the Twilight Renaissance is that I sleep for 8 hours and wake up to find that 2 (@truckult and @cultens)more cults have formed. We love it.

[saturnsupremacy]

Hello friend. If I can join the Cultens I’ll show you my accidental twilight tattoo. I know. A hard bargain has been driven.

You drive a hard bargain but I’ll take it

I’ll add you to the blog the invite should pop up in your email