Im feeling not ok rn so I would like to yap abt my gender. You don't have to post it I just wanna yap
I thought I was genderfluid bc that was the safe opinion. Yes I feel like a guy today BUT I can always feel like a girl someday so that must mean I'm not trans (trans masc)
Then I kinda tried suppressing it but it felt like I was about to vomit 24/7 so no
Then I started learning about all these gender microlabels and it felt like I found my ppl. Demigirlflux, libragender, faunetflux etc
I told my friend all about this but she's cis and laughed at me. I trust her and she's (or was idk) I good friend but what did I expect lol
So I kind of suppressed again but only half way
I was like "yea I'm literally just a normal trans dude I'm not one of *those ppl*"
Now I think I'm just genderfaun (and trans ofc) . Boyflux doesn't feel right bc you're a man all the time and just the intensity changes and that's not my case I think. It feels like I'm different shades of blue and not less or more transparent blue. Sometimes a baby blue, sometimes blue with green undertones, sometimes white with a bit of blue. Sometimes something between dark blue and purple but never actual purple. Does it make sense XD?
Also all these things were happening for the lat 5 years(but I had dysphoria already in kindergarten) so no mum I'm not "depressed and trying to find a solution". No mum I can't just be a butch I LITERALLY LIKE MEN
PLS DO NOT POST IT IF I ACCIDENTALLY DIDNT MAKE IT ANON
Gender is a very complex spectrum and a lot of cis people don't understand it, they find it easier to oppress those who feel this way and find it easier to laugh at how complex it all really is. I'm sorry you had to deal with someone you trusted to laugh at you when you came to them about this, no one should have to go through that.
I appreciate the yap session though! I had trouble finding my gender identity, but I always knew I was a trans male since I was 9. I had a long journey with sexuality as well, but that's a different story. At first for a while I just went with he/him pronouns, but that felt too bland to me, so I ended up going with he/they pronouns and that didn't feel entirely me. Around when I was 13 or so, I used he/they/it pronouns and that still didn't seem to make me feel *me*. Now I'm genderfaun and I feel much more comfortable with the label.
As I said, gender identity is a very wide spectrum, it goes through crazy loops like a roller coaster and because of how wild of a ride it is, a lot of people disregard it, laugh at those who find themselves in the wild spectrum it is.
I know I kinda went on my own spiel, but I hope you find what you're comfortable with so you can feel like you and I hope you're around people who don't laugh at your journey through the gender spectrum. (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。