#dailystruggle

[h20-erti]

[antoniogrillo1]

Trying to “clean my room” is just me relocating the same five objects to different parts of the house like I’m conducting a ritual no one trained me for.

[aspiringcroco]

the weight of everything i didn't do is suffocating me and it hurts

i don’t think i’ve ever been a bad student, not really. a procrastinator, yes, the kind who sits on the edge of deadlines until the last moment and then somehow still pulls through, the kind who always believed that even if i started late i’d still finish, that my brain would show up when i needed it to, that i could trust myself to deliver. and for a long time, that worked. i was never the one falling behind, never the one missing the mark. but then college started, and something shifted in me that i can’t even name properly, something broke in the way i used to trust myself. suddenly, i’m not just procrastinating, i’m… failing. i’m not just late, i’m absent.

i’ve been too negative, i think. too heavy in the way i look at things, dragging myself down before i’ve even tried. my performance has been trash, and not just in studies, but in everything i thought i loved-squash, where i used to feel like my body was sharp and alive; the clubs i joined with bright-eyed promises but barely attend; the commitments that i wanted to pour myself into but instead keep slipping away from. it’s like i can’t commit to myself anymore, can’t commit to showing up for the person i thought i was going to be.

and i have this voice-god, i know it’s beautiful, people have told me so, i’ve felt it when i sang, like something inside me was finally free-and now it’s just rusting away. i don’t even sing anymore. my ukulele, the one i once carried everywhere, is lying in the corner like an abandoned instrument from a war nobody remembers, gathering dust, its silence heavier than its sound ever was.

and maybe the worst part is how the state of my mind has started spilling out into my room. my room used to be my place, mine, a reflection of me in the best way. now it’s just untidy, cluttered, like i keep throwing things around because i can’t bear to sit with myself long enough to put them back. it looks like i’m always mid-collapse, like the room is telling on me, showing what i can’t say out loud: that i am unraveling.

sometimes i wonder when i stopped being me. or maybe i wonder if this is me now, if the girl who used to get it done, no matter how late she started, is gone for good. i hope not. i don’t want her to be.

[mouthtapedguy]

Me: has anxiety Society: have you tried Excel?

[kwentoniblack]

Tahimik na Galit

Araw-araw, paulit-ulit. Sa jeep, sa pila, sa init, sa trapik, reklamo pero nakangiti. Nakakainis ang kabuuan ng sitwasyon, lalo kapag alam mong may mga nakaupo sa taas na naglalaro ng pera mo, pero sanay na tayong patahimikin ang sarili. Sanay tayong ngumiti kahit ang mga pangako, alam nating biro lang. Bawat buntong-hininga ay may kasamang “sige na lang.” Ang galit natin, hindi nakikita, nakatago sa simpleng pagpili na tumanggap na lang ng mali.

Hindi man lahat tayo ay pareho ng lifestyle at estado sa buhay, alam ko na may sariling bersyon ang bawat isa sa reklamo. Yung mga bagay na hindi natin kayang isigaw dahil palagi tayong abala. Pagod na sa trabaho, hindi mo na iniisip yung politika; nakakalimot ka sa mga isyu habang sinusubukang mabuhay. Ngunit ramdam mo sa tahimik na paraan, may galit at tanong na hindi nasasabi. Nagkukubli ito sa mga araw-araw na gawain at pagod.

Tahimik ang paraan ng paninindigan natin. Hindi lahat ng laban ay sa protesta o social media. Bumabalik tayo sa bahay, nagtatrabaho, nabubuhay, kahit paulit-ulit lang ang siklo ng kawalang-katarungan. Nakakatawa lang sa malupit na paraan: tinatanggap natin na sira ang ilang sistema, pero alam nating nakikita at nararamdaman natin ang lahat. Hindi natin pinipilit na baguhin agad ang mundo; pinipili lang natin na huwag maging bahagi ng biro.

Sa huli, lumalabas ang galit sa maliliit na paraan. Sa pagtuturo sa anak na huwag basta maniwala sa sinasabi ng nakakataas, sa pagtulong sa kapitbahay kahit maliit lang ang kakayahan, sa pag-iwas sa bisyo ng sistema na pilit tayong minamaliit. Tahimik man, ramdam ang lakas. Ramdam ang pag-asa na, sa kabila ng lahat, hindi tayo tuluyang pinatahimik. At minsan, nakangiti tayo sa sarili, sa galit na alam nating araw-araw pero nananatiling nakatago, gaya ng nakagawiang buntong-hininga, habang ang gobyerno, parang palabas sa o kaya patalastas, nagtatawanan sa likod ng kamera. Magkakasundo at magkakaaway ng dahil sa pera. ---//--- May kwento ako. Basta sagot mo ang kape ko. Click mo lang yung link. ☕ coff.ee/kwentoniblack

[clrclmx]

Monday again! - 19_06_12 - - #8hours #9to5 #makemoney #constructionsite #dailystruggle #dreambigger #fastlife #pointandshoot #olympusmjuii #nakedrealism #colorclimax #zürich #schweiztourismus (hier: Sihlcity) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDbDYjXjNct/?igshid=c9h3rh7s8qhk

[fredwardfall]

i’m only consequent in being inconsequent. 🤷‍♂️ https://www.instagram.com/p/B81aRi7oWXh/?igshid=td7a2sr8hoab

[thedailyelliott]

Day 2961: Yes, we haven’t posted all the November pics yet so here we go. Excuse us, just double tap and move on! #catchingup #somanypics #dailystruggle #cantstopnow #thedailyelliott #chocolatelab #labrador #retriever #instadog #dogsofinstagram #doglovers #dogsofig #pets #instapets #ilovemydog #labrador_lovers (at Leipzig, Germany) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6A1_TFIcLp/?igshid=zfsnneliiu4r