List of things my English professor has said:
1. Robinson Crusoe thinks that island is a "spiritual spa" for him. And you know who gave him a gift-card? God.
2. The Protestants were crazy. You don't have money? The devil dances in ya, pal!
3. (while teaching the Duchess of Malfi) There goes Ferdinand, outlunaticking every lunatic you've seen in Renaissance drama. I mean, he turns into a FRICKIN' WEREWOLF and that's not even a major plot point.
4. Zeus...Zeus, the God of...well...rapists.
5. Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato are like the Superman, Spiderman, and Batman of classical philosophy.
6. If wishes were horses, there would be a lot of unfulfilled horses.
7. Milton? Oh that guy he loves himself. Too much.
8. So when the Trojan War's going on, Zeus and the other gods just grab some popcorn and start watching.
9. Having been derailed by the thoughts of my own death, I now return to what I was saying.
10. Bosola is like the Baskin and Robbins of villains. You get all the flavours.
11. Delilah in Samson Agonistes is basically the Megan Fox of Transformers.
12. He literally explained postmodern poetry using Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and Schrödinger's cat. Seriously.
13. Next class, we'll look at Twilight to see how you can do everything wrong in a film.
14. The novel is about the the creation of identity. So ask yourself, who are you? [a few seconds later] No. Stop. I don't want to be hit by the existential crises of more than sixty precocious teenagers.
15. Everybody knows that line, [reads] "The woods are lovely, dark and yada yada yada promises to keep yada yada miles to go." YEAH WE GET IT.
16. Postmodernism was the last thing in Pandora's box. And then it came out.
17. Medieval philosophy is the most abstruse, complicated and absolutely bonkers philosophy that has ever come from the Western world. Medieval Philosophy is irrelevant.
18. St. Augustine didn't like children. That was his thing. Think of him as the crotchety uncle who looks grumpily at a crying baby.
19. Personification. So let me give you an example: "Hope stood with her misty eyes-" Nope wait, I'm not a poet, so here's a normal one, "The bench stood up and walked out of the class."
20. "More happy love! More happy, happy love!" Keats uses the word "happy" thrice in a line. You know when you insist you're happy? When you're not. i'M FiNe! oH yES, i'M cOmPLeTeLy fiNe!
BONUS:
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