so @iwishtocountthestars wrote this amazing fic about a Darksider Cal who Falls, but to FIGHT the Empire, not join it, and it is FANTASTIC and lives in my brain rent free so
here is one angry boy burning the Empire down one piece at a time I guess
how do you draw fire honestly IDK call this artistic license
a/n: this is the first fic that i wrote and actually posted anywhere. it’s not perfect and i’ll probably edit it someday or even rewrite it entirely, but it deserves to be seen by somebody. so, enjoy!
word count: ~2k
***
"Do you want some coffee?"
He was standing by the counter in a tiny kitchen, focused on pouring the dark liquid into a small cup. The grey T-shirt suited him, although it was very different from his usual Inquisitor attire. It was a warm evening, a couple of faded lights brought the poorly lit apartment to life, allowing me to notice the dark bags under his eyes. I could only guess it was a long and wearying day for him.
"Yes, I'd like a cup, thank you," I replied, shifting my position on an oddly comfortable couch. I knew the Inquisitors had better accommodation than us, the Purge Troopers, but I had no idea it was that cozy.
"It's smaller than the other ones, anyway." He placed both cups on a wooden coffee table. I raised a brow, not sure what he meant. "The apartment."
"You've read my thoughts again." I sighed while he took a seat beside me.
"Sometimes it just happens, I can't always control myself." He shrugged, turning his face to me. "How are you feeling? Any better?"
"Honestly? I thought I'd be fully healed by now." I bit my inner lip and leaned in to grab the coffee, minding my injured leg. During our last mission on Kashyyyk one of the Rebels shot me, leaving an ugly wound that I've been treating for two weeks now. I took a sip from the cup and continued. "No training, no missions... I don't know how much more I can stand doing nothing."
"It's better that way, you know. If you come back to normal too early, you'll just make your wound worse." He paused to yawn and reached out for his cup. "I can wait for you a little longer, no worries."
"Wait for me? For what?" I chuckled, punching him lightly in the arm. "You must be so bored training without me and want me back in the dojo, just admit it."
"What's there to admit? I miss you on the sparrings, obviously." He shook his head playfully. "But you need to heal first before I can kick your ass."
"Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure about that. Next time we fight I'll beat you, you'll see." I let out a small laugh and glanced at his green eyes. "Hey... Thanks for having me here for the evening. I really appreciate doing something different than these small trips from my room to the med wing and back. The rehabilitation is boring me to death."
"I'm sorry I couldn't invite you earlier, but I still had some things to take care of..."
I didn't have anything to say to that, so I let us stay in comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company.
Cal wasn't always like this around me. He used to beat me up during training like every other trooper, with so much power in his fighting style. Unlike the other Inquisitors that I fought, he wasn't infuriated, he just seemed... hurt. He intrigued me, that's why one day I stood up to him and fought back harder than usual. I didn't beat him, but after the sparring, he came to me and we talked for a while. It was a good talk, it must have been because he kept coming back after every training. From that moment we started eating together at the cafeteria and went on missions together, fighting side by side. And like that, I became friends with the most unique Inquisitor this Fortress ever had.
He's changed a lot over these couple of months. Firstly Cal was really distant, never wanted to talk about himself too much. He slowly opened up to me, although I still don't know what happened to him before he became an Inquisitor... I hoped he would let me in more, but I didn't want to push too much, even if I knew his past haunted him still. I was happy to have him as a friend, he really needed someone that cared for him. One day, if he felt a need to tell me about his past, I knew he'd do it, I just had to give him time.
"Can I ask you a question?" He broke the silence, placing his empty cup on the table.
"Yeah, sure. What's on your mind?"
"Just answer me honestly ok? And let it stay between us." I nodded, giving him the confidence to continue. "Do you ever... think that maybe what we're doing is wrong? That the Empire is not the right side to be on in this war?"
I took my time, thinking about what to say. "No, I never really gave it a thought. I trained for years to do this and I guess that I've always assumed I was doing the right thing." His face changed – the corners of his mouth dropped while a blank gaze settled in his eyes. It got me worried. "Why are you asking?"
I tried to move closer to him and when I moved, my leg started to hurt again. I wanted to adjust myself, but couldn't quite make it.
"Here, let me help you."
Cal took my coffee and set it aside, carefully raised my legs from the floor and placed them on the couch, then helped me lay down. My head was almost on his lap now, just an inch or two from his thigh.
"I want to be honest with you. It's just– well... When I became an Inquisitor, I was all alone and I hated myself for more reasons than I can explain to you now...." He stared down at his hands, almost as if he blamed them. "It's like a void inside that eats you up. The hatred, the pain. Do you know what I mean?"
"I... I think, yes." It was surprising how he bottled up his feelings all this time and managed to keep them that way. I closed my eyes to focus – even if I was glad he finally talked to me about it, this was all hard to process. But he needed me to understand... so I listened.
Cal smirked, more to himself than me. "I never thought I'd find a friend here. I imagined that I'd probably die alone, somewhere in the battle the Empire forced me to fight. After I was made an Inquisitor by them and–"
"You were made an Inquisitor?" I interrupted. "So you didn't want to be one?" My eyes widen.
"Yeah, it's complicated..."
He started to play with one of my hair strands, probably without even realizing it. I didn't even flinch as he twirled his finger back and forth around my hair, actually, it was... comforting. I gave in to the feeling, it reminded me of my childhood and my mother. Better times.
"What I mean to tell you is that... You helped me. Helped me survive from day to day, made me laugh when I thought it was impossible to." Cal paused. "You were my light, reminded me who I am. And I know now that I'm not an Inquisitor, not anymore... I can't continue to be the Empire's executioner. I need you to understand..."
I didn't know what to focus on now. How am I the reason that he changed his mind? I've been nothing less than loyal, I could never... And what does it mean he can't be an Inquisitor?
"Cal, that's– that's a lot to process." I raised myself on my elbows and risked a glance at him. His warm gaze contrasted with a tense expression that painted on his face as if he waited for something to happen. "I can't imagine what you went through. If you were forced to become someone you didn't wish to be– just... Thank you for telling me all this. If there is anything I can do... Just know I'm always here for you, no matter what you need."
I decided to take a risk and laid my head on his lap. He responded by stroking my hair slowly, with his fingers barely touching the top of my head. The situation felt different than what we were used to, but in a good way. I didn't want it to get awkward, so I pursued the left topic:
"Assuming we're on the wrong side of this war," I started, trying to gather my thoughts. "What is there to do? We can't just leave. They would kill us."
"So you would consider leaving the Empire?" His face lit up.
"Well, it's not an easy decision to make. What do you want me to say?" I sighed. "I have nowhere to go, the Fortress has been my home for so long... This life's all I have."
"You have me. I–" His cheeks burned with red, enhancing his fiery hair. Oh, he was so handsome. Why haven't I noticed it before? "What I mean is... Here all we have is an ideology, something that the Empire believes, and that's not necessarily a good cause. Just think about it: they tell us that every planet we invade provides us resources, but nobody even gives a thought about all the lives we torment, the environments we destroy... and for what? So the Empire keeps its power and does it all over again?"
I shifted my focus from examining his flawless features to what I was going to say. "Okay, I agree, it makes sense. But what about the Jedi we hunt down? They're the ones that caused all that disaster in the first place." I raised a brow.
"It wasn't like that... Listen, you just need to trust me for now, okay? I promise I'll tell you everything when the time is right, but please come with me. I've been working on a plan to escape for some time now. I know I'm asking for a lot and that you're skeptical about the idea, but... Just think about it, okay?"
I thought about my life in the Fortress, the missions, my purpose. What was really holding me here? Not fear, certainly not faith in what the Empire was doing. Maybe Cal was right and I didn't belong here. Just maybe, I could have a life somewhere else, a good life, with him by my side as a friend, or...
Screw it.
"I agree. I'll go with you."
"That's..." He pulled me into a tight embrace, holding me against his chest. The cold apartment suddenly became warmer, and I stopped caring for what will happen. As long as I was with Cal, I knew it was going to be okay. We had each other, that's all that mattered.
"What changed your mind so sudden?" He asked, not letting me go.
"You did." I breathed in the scent of his shirt. He smelled like rain and coffee beans. "I can't stay here knowing I might never see you again. I need you." He didn't say anything, just pulled me closer.
I had no idea how much time has passed, but despite the caffeine in my system I started to fall asleep in Cal's arms. It must've been really late into the night, with no sound coming from anywhere in the Fortress, filling it with a soothing silence.
"Stay here tonight."
I hummed in question, only half-awake.
"The medical wing must be locked away for the night by now and someone needs to look after you."
He carefully laid me back on his lap and placed one of his hands under my knees, and the other on my back. I could feel the pressure of the couch beneath me leave as he raised himself up, carrying me to another room. His bedroom, I suppose. In a matter of seconds, I was put down on a fluffy mattress and wrapped in a heavy blanket.
"I'll take the couch." Cal sat beside me. "Goodnight, sleep well."
As my mind drifted away into sleep, not knowing if it was already a dream, or still reality, I felt his lips softly pressing on my forehead.
