A Man With Too Many Books
Request: Hi lovely! Can I get a namjoon scenario based on the lyrics by hello by nuest?? even tho they broke up he still comes and see her angst and maybe fluff ending?? thank u!!
Member: BTS Namjoon x Y/N
Leaning your chin against the palm of your hand you looked blandly from the cash register and to the book that had been placed before you. With hesitant fingers, you slid your prints over the smooth ribbon wrapped around the bound pages and sighed.
“Me Before You” the title stated boldly. The black letters shone out before you, causing you to swallow heavily, the small bit of saliva sinking to your stomach like a stone.
Looking up to your coworker, you exchanged looks before he gave you a brief, but sympathetic smile. “Again?”
“It’s in the post box and addressed to you,” he hummed. “Am I to assume it’s not a subscription service?”
“No,” you sighed, letting your face fall into your hands.
“...so should i start throwing them in the bin?” he winced.
“I-I’m honestly not sure,” you said quietly, running your hand along the printed pages again.
He knew you had a torrid past with your ex boyfriend.
And he knew that was exactly who had been delivering you books near every month.
What he didn’t know was that you read each book that had been bestowed upon you.
And fixated on every word.
Because that’s what you did with books that Namjoon gave to you. That’s what you had done from the very beginning. Just because you had broken up, didn’t mean you hadn’t found value in his literary choices.
“Y/N,” your coworker sighed, leaning against the counter as well. He tilted his head before smiling sadly at you again. “Have you talked to him?”
“Who?” you said dumbly, sliding the book from before you and setting it out of sight.
“Oh, is this the route you want to go?” he chuckled.
“No,” you grumbled. “I haven’t talked to him...”
“So why do you keep getting book deliveries from him?” he asked quietly. “From what I understand...you didn’t have the greatest separation.”
And he was right. You didn’t have an amicable breakup. Namjoon, deep, emotional, and introspective, hadn’t always been the man you had expected him to be. He was passionate and loved with such ferocity, so you had never imagined that he could become weak, that he could become incapable of handling a long distance relationship. He had become so lost in his work, in his living, that he didn’t come up for air. You couldn’t breath in the same world that he had, you couldn’t handle his work driving him away from you.
And when you finally decided to put yourself first, he had completely collapsed into a puddle of himself. Once things had ended, you hadn’t heard from him for months...
...until the books started.
And you began to notice him everywhere.
“Just because I haven’t talked to him...” you trailed. “Doesn’t mean I haven’t seen him...”
“What the hell does that mean?” he gasped.
“This might sound crazy-”
“We’re past that,” he interrupted. “We’re on the crazy bus now and there are no scheduled stops.”
“You know how...sometimes you think you see someone,” you continued quietly. “Out of the corner of your eye...on the subway platform as the train flies by, or in a shop window while your standing on the sidewalk...I feel like I see him...I feel like I see him during those times. When my guard is down and he’s the farthest thing from my mind. Like he’s watching me from afar...respecting me...protecting me...wondering how I am or what I’m doing...”
“While the way your describing it sounds endearing...that sounds like a problem,” he whispered, shaking his head. “Do you...do you still care about him?”
“Of course I do,” you sighed. “But I just can’t anymore.”
“Well, if you care...and you feel like you keep seeing him anyway, would it be such a bad idea to give him a call?” he asked. “I mean...the man is still taking time to send you books. That involves going to the post office..and paying for postage. That’s a lot of work for this generation.”
“Oh, look,” you gasped. “A customer just came in! Why don’t you go greet them?”
“Making me go away won’t make this situation go away,” he grinned, pushing himself from the counter.
You pushed away from the counter as well and stuck your tongue out at him. “Says you!”
Your thoughts were in a whirlwind as you continued your shift, your eyes consistently wandering back to the book you had attempted to hide from sight.
“Me before you,” you whispered quietly as you slid the novel into your bag, ready to close for the night. You had successfully managed to avoid your coworker for the majority of your evening, only pausing for a moment as you began to lock up.
You stood on the sidewalk, side by side, allowing the light, evening drizzle to tap lightly across your shoulders.
“Think about what I said,” he sighed, pulling the keys from the lock. He tugged his jacket further up on his neck and nodded at you sternly. “Talking to him wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.”
“Correct,” you muttered. “Because that would mean it’s worse than this conversation.”
“So stubborn,” he muttered. “Have a good night, Y/N.”
Parting ways, you both stumbled in opposite directions. With the book Namjoon had given you securely tucked beneath the crook of your arm, you breathed a sigh of relief. You would be able to settle down soon in bed, and flip through the pages, allowing yourself a brief escape.
A brief escape from the strange situation you had unknowingly put yourself in.
Before the books had begun to arrive, the silence from Namjoon was deafening. Granted, you hadn’t exactly planned to become his best friend after you had broken up, but you had at least expected to hear from him on occasion. A clean break was selfishly something you hadn’t imagined, but it made sense. Sometimes it was easier to just let old wounds close. Reaching out would only make the residual emotions worse. That’s why after hearing nothing for so long, you were stumped when books began to steadily appear at your work place.
You knew they were from him. Who else would have sent them? As to why...you were still rather unsure. Namjoon had loved reading. It gave him inspiration, allowed him to explore new ideas, fostered his ability to learn. The only thing he loved nearly as much (besides music of course) was sharing that love with those he cared about. You were one of the lucky few he would loan books to with fervor (and also one of the few he could depend on to actually read them.) You were privileged in that way, and greatly enjoyed skimming the pages of his favorite novels. It would bring you that much closer to him.
And maybe that was why you still read them. You ached for the closeness you had denied yourself. The closeness he had denied you. The closeness you still secretly yearned for, but were too embarrassed to seek.
“Hey,” a deep voice echoed from nearby. Shaking you from your thoughts, you felt as you had been pushed into a fog. For a moment, your daydreams had stumbled into your reality. Surely thinking of your ex-boyfriend hadn’t summoned his voice in your head.
“Nam...Namjoon?” you stuttered. Glancing up, you let out a shaky breath, meeting the man’s gaze you hadn’t seen in close to half of a year. Standing beneath a clear umbrella, he let the streetlights illuminate him from above, highlighting the shadows in his cheeks and underside of his jaw. He looked exactly the same as he had when you had broken his heart.
“I’m sorry...did I scare you?” he asked quietly.
“Well this wasn’t exactly expected...” you trailed, running a hand along the back of your neck.
“I just...I needed to talk to you. We needed to talk,” he whispered.
Grimacing, you nodded slowly. Quietly and contently recieving books from your ex-boyfriend every month was admittedly, creepy. You were a fool to think it would continue on without any sort of confrontation.
Reaching out with nervous hands, Namjoon’s long fingers snaked around the fabric of your coat sleeve and pulled you in close. Protecting you from the rain with his umbrella, his body heat radiated toward you, making you overly aware of his sudden appearance.
“You sent me a book today,” you said quietly, afraid to make eye contact.
“I send you books a lot of days,” he chuckled softly, ducking his head to catch your attention. “I apologize If you were surprised by seeing me...but I’ve been trying to catch up with you for awhile now...”
“Oh,” you struggled to verbalize. You hadn’t just been imagining seeing him after all... “So you’ve been checking up on me? Following me around? A phone call wouldn’t do?”
“I’ve been selfish,” he whispered. “I’m a coward. I’ve wanted to see you, but have been too terrified to actually talk. I’ll get close...and then give up, too terrified to actually call out to you...if you saw me, what would you even say? That’s why I’ve been sending books...I don’t want you to stop thinking about me...I guess that’s selfish of me as well.”
“Namjoon,” you said earnestly, finally chancing a glance at him. “This is not okay. We’ve broken up...I don’t know why you’re acting-“
“I know,” he sighed. “I know you’ve probably moved on...I’ve seen you with the man you work with and you look so much happier than you did with me in the end. Tell me...tell me you aren’t with him? I know I’m being abrasive...and self-centered...and odd, but please tell me...”
“What?” you coughed. Catching his dark eyes in the light, you began to notice the deep blush spreading across his cheeks. “I have no interest in him...we...we aren’t together.”
“Y/N,” he whispered, the rain growing steadier on the umbrella above the two of you. “I’ve wondered...I’ve wondered for weeks why I couldn’t be him. I can’t stop thinking about you...I wonder where you are...what you’re doing...If your safe...I can’t sleep...“
“But why so suddenly?” you asked, furrowing your brows. “That wasn’t your concern when we were together, Namjoon. That isn’t fair to decide now that you want to care.”
“And I’ve told you I’m a coward,” he nodded, looking away from you again. “I find myself taking the road home that passes by your house. Shopping for books in hopes that the titles will make you want me again.”
“A book can’t make me want you,” you whimpered. “Not when all I ever wanted was you to begin with.”
“I know I’ve made mistakes,” he breathed. Finally looking at you again, he reached up with a hesitant hand and set it on your upper arm. His close proximity had become intoxicating. With every word his deep voice uttered, you seemed to grow more and more lost within him. “I don’t want to continue on with the biggest mistake I’ve ever made...not fighting for you...not loving you how you’ve deserved. I’ve never aspired to beg for something before...but at this point I’m willing...”
You felt your throat begin to close, words becoming more and more difficult to speak as tears threatened to fall from your cheeks. “So you’ve sent books because you wanted me to think of you. And you’ve stayed away because you thought of me too much. This situation is driving me crazy, Namjoon, and I just want to feel sane again. If we’re going to break up, we need to break. No books. No days of you following me around. Only silence. Allow us both to heal...but...but if you say I’m tormenting you...if the thought of me and our relationship haunts you...and you want to make things right...you have to do it properly. You can’t push me aside again.”
“Music is my first love,” he acknowledged. “But that doesn’t mean I have to love you any less. I just have to learn to balance. You are so incredibly important to me...I thought maybe...maybe you’d think I was insane for sending books...for keeping an eye on you-“
“Well, it’s not exactly the most comforting thought.” you admitted. “I don’t want you infatuated with me, I want to see you passionate about me...there is a difference. And what this is...right now...is a stark contrast from what we both need.”
“And I know that,” he continued. “And I needed to get your attention and this was the only way I felt comfortable enough to go about it. I’m a creep and I’m a coward, but I love you, Y/N. With my whole heart. And I just want you to say you’ll give me a second chance”
You tilted your head and chewed absently on your lip, searching Namjoon’s face for some sign of change, a visual representation of hope for the future. His eyes begged. His fingers clenched and unclenched around the fabric he held so desperately to. He was even more broken than the last time you had seen him, but he was trying to pick up the pieces.
“I want you,” he whispered. “One person shouldn’t need another. Codependency is unhealthy and irresponsible in a relationship and I won’t say I do. I don’t need you, but I want you with every part of me. I want you so badly that it makes my bones ache and my heart feel as if it’s suffocating. I want you so terribly, but I don’t need you. You aren’t air and you aren’t water, but your one of life’s greatest pleasures and I’d be privileged if you wanted me too. If you decide I don’t deserve a second chance, I’ll live on, I’ll respect your decision, but I’ll reflect on my mistakes until I can’t reflect anymore. Just please...please say you want me too.”
With trembling fingers, you lifted your palm, setting your fingertips on the edges of his cheek. Nuzzling into your hand, he took a deep breath in before letting out a stuttering breath. Looking at you cautiously, he waited in silence for your reply.
“Do I still get books?” you whispered, a smile eating at the corner of your lips.
“As many as you request,” he croaked.
“Will you still worry? Wonder about what trouble I’ve gotten myself into?” You continued.
“Constantly, but I won’t have to wonder because I can just ask,” he answered.
“And will you love me as completely as you promise? Allow me to respect your career, but also respect me in return?”
Waiting a moment, you allowed a few breaths to interchange between the two of you, both of your thought processes near audible with how much they were spinning
“Then it looks like you’ve gotten yourself a second chance,” you finally managed. “But don’t expect a third.”
“I won’t need it,” he smiled confidently. “After all, what would I be without you?”
The smirk you had been holding back now visibly tugged at your mouth as you stood on your tiptoes. Pressing your lips against his, you allowed him a kiss you had been holding in your heart for months, always intended for him, but just simply waiting. He kissed back with enthusiasm, expressing every feeling he had just verbalized with each tender touch. Snaking his free hand around your waist, he pulled you in as close as he could, careful to keep the umbrella shielding you from raindrops. He tasted just as you had remembered, mint with a hint of spice. Setting a spark of electricity down your throat and into your gut, his actions gave a rebirth to every emotion you had ever felt toward him. He cared so immensely and had intended on showing it to you with every little kiss. You pulled your lips from his and let a grin settle on the place where his love had just been pressed.
“Well...without me...I guess you’d just be a man with too many books.”
