What is it to be seen?
I found a post in my drafts that broke my heart. The core of the post was about representation in film and television, but digging in I saw what I was trying to say about my life in the moment—about feeling invisible.
Here's an excerpt:
The hard part is remembering it's okay to break. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to wish someone would see you when you've all but blended with the wallpaper in an effort to survive. This is why representation matters. Why film and television and books matter. Because sometimes when we can't be seen individually, it helps to feel seen in fiction. Right now, I feel pretty damn invisible in life. It's a tough season. And I'm terrible at asking for help because I've always been made to feel it was undeserved.
I don't know why I never completed or never posted it, but reading it now, I can see all the heartache and hurt I shouldered without considering relief was an option.
Reflecting on the core message, it brought me back to why I'm writing a feature about a demisexual finding love after divorce. It's not a fantasy or a memoir. It's a wish.
It's not for me as in, I'm the character and she is me. She's her own thing entirely with a very different life from mine. It's more that I need to think about a world where a demisexual can find love... not, again, but at last.
Nobody is going to want to date me seriously because it will take too much damn work. In a world of Tindr and swiping, I'm a big brick wall sexually. I understand how very unattractive that is to the average, red-blooded man.
But if I can write a story about this fictional woman finding someone who would put in the effort, the time, the care to meet her where she is as she grows into herself and a relationship that is—at last—not defining, but embracing who she is... Maybe I can then hope for me.
Because when we see ourselves represented on screen, so many times that's what it gives us—hope.
So, loves, write your stories. Make your beautiful art! Share your incredible creations.
Because when we see ourselves in others' work, we connect with something beyond ourselves that somehow helps us see self more clearly.
And we give one another hope.
