#de-escalation

[videntefernandez]

okay we like dom jude but in that vein what about aftercare jude? can we have some of him taking care of kael?

YES! Thanks for asking!

Though i guess it's more of a de-escalation than aftercare?

[tinsnip]

In my day to day interactions I do not in fact try to land the wittiest comeback or sickest burn in response to routine social questions, and I bet most people reading this are the same way, so let’s talk about de-escalation. I feel better when I can control my responses somewhat and not be quite so reactive or defensive (esp. about things I don’t feel guilty about or have a reason to have to defend) and I also feel better and have more positive results when I don’t equate this specific person with the worst person who has ever asked these questions. Even if I do have a rough history or a lot of feelings about A Thing, maybe this person doesn’t know that (or need to know that) and isn’t probing my defenses with the same subtext that emotionally abusive people I’ve known are doing, so I don’t need to bite their head off in the name of justice. Does that make sense?

—Captain Awkward

[climeslover]

Abolitionist Bystander Intervention & De-escalation — Interrupting Criminalization

A pocket zine on bystander intervention and de-escalation, as an abolitionist practice for dealing with harm or potential harm in your commu

[bavovniatko]

The world flies straight to hell, when everyone arrives they find out there Ukrainians sitting and asking:

"Well, are you done fucking the things up, you shitty de-escalators?"

[communeist]

[gwydionmisha]

Religious groups are protecting Pride events — upending the LGBTQ+ vs. faith narrative

More than 120 faith groups will fan out across 50 events this June to de-escalate extremist anti-LGBTQ+ protests from hate groups.

[hussyknee]

Really triggered because a writer whose fic I was enjoying thinks Bruce is a good father.

"He doesn't show it in words, but actions". NO. Children need both! A child needs to be told they're loved and that their parents are proud of them! And actions? What actions? A tender moment here and there where he holds one of them when they're injured? What kind of pauper's love is that?

It's so hard to not see their opinions as a direct harm to me. All I can hear or remember are people telling me, "Don't take what he says to heart. You know he loves you, no? I've never seen a father do more for his child than yours."

Remember being 21, in the grip of my first bout of devastating major depression, having a nervous breakdown in the backseat of the family car. "Are you even proud of me? Have you ever been proud of me?" Dad, so confounded. "Of course, I'm proud of you! I have always been! Why would you think I wasn't?" Maybe because that was the first time he ever said it? Because of 21 years of nothing but criticism and exacting standards and little praise or acknowledgement, every failure acknowledged in disapproval and punishment? An entire adolescence knowing in my bones that I would never be good enough for him, never be as good as him, a disappointment, failure, burden.

Why would they excuse that? Why do they give him a pass, just because he "tries"? Why are we failures when we come up short, but his attempts are as good as successes?

When someone has an opinion that I hate, I usually just think "they've gone through something I don't know about, and just dealing with it the best they know how". The world is full of people with shitty opinions, conditioned to rush to the defence of privileged mediocrity. My getting mad and arguing the point won't do much other than ruin everyone's day. There's a time and place to stand your ground, and there's so much more awful stuff going on in the real world that we desperately turn to these fantasy lives for refuge. The real estate of imagination is limitless and can safely carry everyone's worlds and wants and desires.

Bruce Wayne is nothing but an 80 year hallucination of men long dead and still living, embodied only in ink and paper. My father, the real flesh and blood man, has been in the ground for seven years. They're nothing but imprints that linger in people's neurons, communicated and rendered imperfectly like a child's game of Pictionary.

They can't hurt me. Nothing will enter my gates than what I allow. I don't live or die by anyone else's approval and validation anymore.

[polyamzeal]

Advice for de-escalation? I'm still friends with this person and still have other partners so it's weird dealing with the feelings of breaking up but without a clean break if that makes sense

I can tell you that it is not easy ;( I don’t know, maybe it is for some people. I remembered growing up that I had a friend that always stayed good friends with all of his exes. I was never able to stay on even remotely good terms with any of my exes! 

Recently I did successfully de-escalate a relationship but it is still weird and hard sometimes. I often struggle with if I should invite her to casual events or if that is crossing some kind of line. I would say to focus on the non-romantic/sexual parts of the relationship. The underlining friendship and chit-chatting can remain. But you aren’t responsible for each other anymore. Maybe focusing on those baby steps can make it easier to re-contextualize the relationship. I wish you luck!