At the beginning during s1 when beth had found out about dean cheating and all the mortgages, she stood up to him and called him out asking him for a divorce and that until he brought the cancer lie up ofc, and after she found out about the lie she still stayed with him as if nothing had happened. Further into seasons she had started to stand up to rio whereas with her relationship with dean, she became weak because she apparently forgot about everything he had done to her, like in s4 dean hugs her and kisses her forehead a few times and she seems happy in letting him do so where in fact she should not be letting him near her and feel disgust like any other woman would if their spouse cheated on them multiple times.
And the creators said this show is about women who can do anything, then why are one of them being written like that in terms of their marriage, I wouldn't take that as a positive message? I would like to know what you think?
Well, for one, I very much disagree that Beth forgot about everything that Dean had done to her. When Dean tries to question her about how she was able to purchase the new furniture for the house and Boland Bubbles, Beth swiftly reminds him about how he lost all of their money. And her fight with him in 2.05 illustrates that she didn't forget about Dean's affairs as much as she pretended to forgive him and then compartmentalized that reality as a way to work through the guilt of getting him shot by Rio which—while Dean was a terrible husband—is absolutely not a proportionate response or fair punishment for his behavior. Dean has done nothing to Rio, and the violence he endures at Rio's hand is in lieu of Rio physically harming Beth, but that doesn't mean that Dean deserved it.
Repeatedly, it is shown that Beth stays with Dean not because she forgives him, loves him, or even really respects him—but because of a domino effect result mostly from Rio's actions, not Dean's. After discovering the cancer lie, Beth was prepared to leave Dean, but Beth's anger and rage deflated once she had to seriously confront that his death—the father of her children's death!—might be on her hands. It's not, of course—Dean lives, but he's unable to work and he requires significant care for his recuperation. Yes, he cheated on Beth, but honestly, what kind of person would Beth be in her children's eyes if that was the moment that she threw their father out to fend for himself? Particularly when she was utterly incapable of providing for her family on her own, considering she was out of crime at the time?
Beth and Dean's marriage isn't repaired in any sense at that point, and that's illustrated through the fact that 1) she and Dean sleep in separate rooms, 2) Beth seduces Rio while on a date with Dean, 3) Beth only initiates physical intimacy with Dean to fantasize about Rio, 4) Dean explicitly tells Beth that he never brought a woman home because it would be disrespectful, only for Beth to do just that with Rio, and 5) Beth and Dean decide to amicably split by the end of the season.
Why do they stay together then? Because Rio kidnaps Beth and gives her the choice between going down for his crimes and a murder she never committed or murdering a federal agent, then yells and lunges at her until she shoots to kill. Traumatized, she returns home sobbing and broken and clings to the normalcy of the suburban mundane. Then, when Rio does come back from the dead, Rio withholds her pay and threatens her life. Not exactly the easiest time to pursue a divorce, even though their marriage continues to crack and break and it is abundantly clear Beth doesn't respect Dean in big and small ways. She can't remember what he sells (spas, not hot tubs), she ignores what he wants (not to paint the girls' room), uses him to try and secretly get pregnant, doesn't tell him Rio's back, and then lies to him to create a business with dirty money where Rio (the man she had an affair with and again, who shot him) is a shadow partner.
I personally have always found it compelling, interesting, complex, and realistic that the dynamic that Beth and Dean had long-established, where he was in charge and she was the subservient housewife, was something that was extremely difficult for Beth to break, while Beth felt empowered to stand up to Rio because it 1) usually worked, and 2) he respected her for it. That contrast is a core reason that Beth and Rio's relationship, while toxic, is also fascinating and magnetic. She doesn't have to shrink herself for him. Beth's conflict has always been about who she is and how she's caught between two sides of herself, the mother-slash-wife and the adrenaline-junky criminal. Her inability to stand up to Dean has always been a thematic exploration of the ways that traditional gender dynamics and power distribution in relationships can trap, confine, and stifle women, and that is exacerbated and amplified by Beth's financial desperation and the danger that (usually Rio) poses to her physical safety and life.
The thing is, I don't think the writers ever intended to write the Boland marriage with a positive message. People usually list a slew of evidence contradicting just that while claiming that they do (the same goes for claiming Dean had a redemption arc). But just because Beth doesn't hate Dean the way the audience does doesn't mean that that their relationship is ever depicted as fulfilling, truly warm, or one where Beth is respected, valued, or treated well. In fact, the narrative repeatedly underscores that Dean's continued presence is a mixture of convenience, benign familiarity, and necessary because Beth is quite literally unable to find enough stability to leave him. Although they stay together, they continue to show Dean as a bad husband and a mediocre father, not really a true partner in any sense of the word.
I also quibble with sweeping statements about what "any woman" would do in XYZ scenario, mostly because that's a simplification to the wide variety of women and their scenarios that exist. It also doesn't acknowledge the various reasons that women stay—and many women do stay, whether by choice or by necessity—with men that mistreat them. On top of that, it's actually quite rare that Beth shares any intimacy, whether emotional or physical, with Dean of any kind that's genuine, and I actually don't think that it's necessary that she's depicted never receiving any sort of affection from Dean at all. Dean doesn't deserve Beth's forgiveness or her love or even her acceptance or reciprocation of that affection, but that doesn't mean that Beth deserves to live a life void of it.
At the end of the day, the depiction of Beth's marriage doesn't make me feel anything but sympathy for Beth and all of the real-life women who have marriages like hers. I don't just wish them the strength to be able to leave their trash husbands, but the support networks, stability, and resources to be able to do so—and more than anything, Good Girls explored what lengths women will be driven to when they don't have these things but need them to survive and provide for the people that they love. That, I think, is what they mean when they talk about women being able to do anything.
