#batman#dc#bruce wayne#dick grayson#dc comics#tim drake#batfamily#batfam#dc fanart
seen from United States
seen from South Korea
seen from Jamaica
seen from United States
seen from Australia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Georgia
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Venezuela
seen from Mexico
seen from Malaysia
seen from Indonesia
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
I know what it is to walk into the mouth of an unfamiliar morning and feel everything. I touch hands with a stranger who gives me my change at the market, and I already know their history. I suppose this is survival. I will love those who no one else thinks to remember. This is all that is promised: there will be a decade you are born, and a decade that you will not make it out of alive.
Hanif Willis-Abdurraqib, from “Carly Rae Jepsen – “E•MO•TION”,” published in The Account
DiVerona Text Post Meme (1/?) - Bellamy Santo-Domingo
Told therapist I haven’t cried; maybe wouldn’t have anyway, my brain just kind of works that way, but also I have a suspicion the SSRI’s have been doing a thing with it.
Well, now wanted to cry and well. Still can’t.
Some people are necromancers — They summon repeatedly the body of their pain. Sometimes I am like that; dissecting the dead. Sometimes I am merely a practitioner of nostalgia.
— Chris Abani, from “Pilgrimage,” Sanctificum
Work-work-work, he would say, clutching an Ayn Rand book between his teeth. God. She didn’t think much of people like us except in terms of destruction and genocide. Destruction and genocide. What kind of storm are we facing where getting wiped our for being born feels inevitable? Listen, every newspaper contains my obituary.
— Ayman Itani, from “Human,” The BreakBeat Poets Vol. 3: Halal If You Hear Me
Weird feelings about disability and thing
(note: this is like - a personal feelings etc post. Obviously a lot of things are way more important than my - personal processing stuff etc. But this is my blog, so).
(the thing is the tree of life shooting).
-there’s a thing like - the second doesn’t make the first go away? Which like, obviously, it’s not like I expect to see someone saying ‘when horrible things happen disabilities stop existing’. But. (And like, I’m sure people have totally written about this, and better than me, but I - haven’t run into it?). So I guess the not-seeing-it-mentioned goes into this. But like -
I went to a - vigil thing, and then they suggested people hold hands during a part (and people were) and I can’t (and someone offered and I said I can’t and then thought of offering to link arms and they agreed. Which was nice of them (someone I talked to said, and of me too? And that never would have come to mind...). But like. I didn’t come prepared, it’s not a group like the one group I used to go to where I could talk it out with people and how to make it work, it’s - a regular group. And like. There’s still a good feeling to being there when others hold hands, I’ve done that before. But.
And - I went to - vigil thing, and there was a crowd at the door and guards, and I was like ‘oh wait they might have a metal detector/x-ray thing’. And they didn’t and I went inside fine. (And to be clear I’m not saying security’s not important!). but I didn’t come prepared and I didn’t have someone there to help and even if I’d come prepared and brought a plastic bag and all there’s still an emotional load to it and I don't know if I was up for it. And I might have had to just - leave, not have been able to come, even though I - wanted to be there.
And - there’s the idea of wanting comfort things, and maybe some people are - reading comfort books, say. And I *still can’t*, I’d still need someone, for that.
And there’s this idea of - should be doing, wanting to do something, and - I *still can’t*, this doesn’t make it a thing that’ll happen, that’ll make me able to go do stuff, without resources etc I don’t have.
And - I was trying to ask people some questions about going a different place next, and I - don’t know how to - say stuff right, to know if I am. (This one doesn’t come up so often, and like, I know that’s just often hard for people. But.)
- I’m having some reaching out issues, and at least one of them feels like - I kind of - need/want the same stuff I tend to need/want (which is kind of relevant to the above thing). So part of my brain is like ‘you’re just trying to use this tragedy to get stuff.
- There’s this - tradeoff thing. And of course that’s true for everyone too, but. I went to - vigil thing, and I’m glad I did. And if I hadn’t I’d’ve have gone to this disability group thing, which is - kind of often the only place I can ask certain kinds of stuff. And that didn’t end up happening this time, me going, because well, overlapping time. And I don't regret it or anything. But there isn’t going to be another one for a month and stuff.
Or - I talked to my therapist about this, obviously. And again, I’m glad I have that, I’m grateful. But I already always feel like I never have enough time with therapy, that there’s always so much. And - like, right before I went the person driving me was telling me I should talk to therapist about [other thing]. And well, I mentioned that, and then that didn’t end up happening because I was talking about thing the whole time. Which, again, don’t regret, I need more for *this* too. But.
- ...I think I’m having a thing happen where like. I’m having-feelings and apparently even when I don’t/can’t actually cry it can still kind of - make me *more feeling-y in general*, which then tends to also hit whatever problems I already had. And a lot of those are disability related, so it’s coming up that way. And then - I don’t know what to do with it, the resources people are coming out with (which I’m grateful for) aren’t *for* that, I can’t use them that way. (Which again, isn’t wrong, of course). And.
- This is also I think a general issue but it occurred to me I - might be more sensitive to it maybe or thing? A lot of people and community things have been being super amazing, have been putting together all this resource stuff. And I’m grateful so very much. But - and like I said, I think this is a general thing, that people often need longer term resources but then everything moves on? But worried about, well, that. How long will it last, and that I’ll need it *later* when it won’t be there and then what. And so this feeling of - running out of time, need to use it now. Which is - kind of stressful, and I think possibly not great because if I try to do too much all together I’ll well exhaust myself. And also it’s really often just not going to happen.
(And again, know this is a general issue, but had thought that I may possibly have this other sensitivity to it because being ‘resources resources need and don’t have and what do I do’ a bunch.)
- And I guess - well obviously this is also true for everyone but it is a thing that none of the disability related problems I had before go away either *themselves* either.
- And just - all this small stuff, like. That maybe the SSRI’s are the/a reason I’m not getting crying. Or - was thinking I wouldn’t be able to write this. but wanted to get it down so was thinking of recording and to do that I leave the building but (well, also weather, but) atm getting back in is hard because I don’t want to touch the door handle. (So like, both logistics and emotional load again). And all those being - factors that are *there*, if I’m trying to do something.
-(I think my OCD’s acting up a little bit but I was noticing/thinking about that before thing too.)
-...and I guess also just, related to some of the others - *that I need* all these external resources for it, needing other people for stuff all over the place.
-(I mean, I suppose my emotions being weird to begin with is also related here, but.)
Babies
Prompted by recent news, my mother says to me, ‘a parent should never outlive their child’. Which I cannot disagree with. But I did point out that it’s only been the last couple of generations that have been so privileged that the average parent can reasonably expect all their children to live to adulthood.
I just killed Gascard but suddenly I don't know if it was very in character for this Hawke I mean she's pretty easily taken in by sob stories
but you know
Alessa's over there crying
I DON'T KNOW I kinda wanna try that thing where you kill him afterwards and Aveline or Fenris beat him up but if it glitches again like last :/
I just really wanna see that ugh
