Denial. It hit you harder than anticipated, it had stolen your breath and rendered you into a place of catatonic consciousness. You were unable to think, unable to process what words were being said to you.
There was no possible way that your mate, your alpha, had gone out to get you both food when he was struck down. There wasn’t any considerable reality in which your alpha, your recently mated alpha, could have been killed the morning after the two of you had unceremoniously decided to get engaged.
“If there’s anything we can do to support you-“
“Its not true. Its not possible, where is he? This isn’t funny anymore.” You walked around the doctors and called out for him, you called your mates name.
Anger. It was red hot, it was burning your veins and fuelling your ear path. You were destructive, you had returned to your apartment and unleashed your aggression upon your things. You’d grabbed pictures from walls and smashed them on the floor to watch the glass break and shatter.
You were so damn angry with the world, with yourself. If only you’d gotten up and made something at home, if only you’d stopped him from leaving. If only, if only, if only…
You were angry. You were pissed off. And by the time you were done, your apartment was a mess.
Bargaining. You begged whoever and whatever would listen, you screamed and cried and pleaded. The mark on your neck was fading, the tenderized bond was starting to be undone and losing that part of you was devastating.
“I’ll do anything! Just bring him back! Bring him back to me!” You banged your fists against the walls of your shower as you dealt with your anguish. “I just want him back! Please!”
“A trade, anything. Please…” you whispered in the quiet hours of the night, laying alone in the bed you shared with him. “Please just…I need him.”
Depression. You woke one night to find the bond and the mark nearly evaporated from your neck, the ridges of his bite were almost gone.
You woke in the night to find that his scent, like the mark, was fading. Your room no longer carried his scent, your nest no longer had his markers and it felt bland. You were feeling the loss of him, the loss of the one you wanted more than anything or anyone.
“It’s been a while since you’ve gone out. You need to leave your apartment.” Friends had come to check on you, friends had tried to get you out of your place for some fresh air.
“When’s the last time you ate?” Pans clinking against the stove and the smell of roasting vegetables had hit your nose.
Your stomach told you you were hungry, your mind negated that with its own powerful force to keep you in bed.
Your curtains remained shut, your position on the bed remained as you stared at the wall feeling nothing but a dull drone overtaking your entire body.
“I can’t feel him. I can’t feel him anymore. The bond is gone, his mark is gone.” Your most pained cry had come that night, the realization and reality setting in with a stark boldness.
He was gone; he was never coming back.
Acceptance. Time had been the greatest enemy and most important healer. Time had mocked you and welcomed you into its embrace.
“This will be good for you. This alpha…he’s a good person, he’s a good man and maybe…” Your friend had set you up, she had wanted you to go out and meet someone.
“He’s not coming back, but he wouldn’t want me to…” you were hit, and silenced, by the scent of an alpha that had immediately calmed you.
You had closed your eyes and slowly breathed in the mix of teakwood and mint, the very faint draw of citrus and fresh pine. The alpha who you were meant to be meeting was here, he was approaching and his scent had crashed over you like a wave, something delicate and comforting.
“This is who I was talking about, Y/N…” your friends voice made you open your eyes again, and finally you could see the alpha she had been talking about for weeks.
Blue eyes, breathtaking and beautiful.
A strong, broad and tall figure with a warm and charming smile.
“I’ve heard a lot about you.” He held his hand out for you to take, and it had only taken a moment for you to rest your hand in his. “Your scent…is it lilac?”
“Lavender,” you corrected him with a small smile.
