ok ok so i never wrote bullet points which would probably make everyone’s lives like 1000x easier 2 plot w me ( ;) ) bc if i saw that bio and only that i’d be like “fuckthisshitimout.mp3″ (ok not rly but i would literally take ten years 2 muster up the energy 2 actually read it bc im a lazy motherfucker) sO HERE ARE SOME BULLET POINTS AND AS ALWAYS FULL BIO IS HERE WCs ARE HERE:
(TRIGGERS: kidnapping/stockholm syndrome, guns, suicide, self-harm [burning])
ok she was NOT born in bordeaux she was born in alexandria louisiana but tbh for all she knew she coulda been born in narnia she wouldnta questioned it
she’s lit only lived here for a year lmao rip
bUT ANYHOW about that whole “wouldnta questioned it” she was lw hk basically shut inside this house for the first ten years of her life lmao tfw amirite ladies?? she was in there w her broseph her madre and her dad who was the only person who could leave the house
but she was like “this is normal!!!! this is how most families work!!!!! i kno nothing else!!!!!” lmao u heaux
so shOCKER turns out her mom had been abducted years back and after falling in love w her captor (dont u love stockholm syndrome??) had two children w him lmao sry
and the fuzz found out where they were bc of some confused cases (since this case woulda gone cold) and they were like “yikES SHOULD PROBS HANDLE THIS!!!!!!” so they tried 2 handle it but it ended up w a v fucked-up romeo and juliet aka after trying 2 barracade the doors it Did Not Work™ and her dad basically committed suicide by cop and her mom was like “nO LOML” and shot herself
and tfw u were watching it w ur broseph in the closet like lit tfw
so u kno foster care blah blah blah wasnt too bad for them they ended up in a stable home w two groovy dudes
oK BACK INTO THE THICK OF IT
so u kno anniversaries of traumatizing events are p bad idk if u knew that so fun fact for u it’s a common misconception that anniversaries of traumatizing events are rly fun dw i got ur back u kno now aNYHOW her broseph tried 2 hang himself but she was like “oH SHIT MAN” and managed 2 Save™
but then u see i did lotsa research and he wasnt exactly in a vegetative state but he was unable 2 talk or respond or any of that and it was takin this huge financial and -2007 pete wentz voice- emotional -end voice- toll on the fam
so after a lot of debate and legal shit and all that good stuff they decided 2 pull the plug (figuratively) bc they couldnt afford it and in the end?? that’s what he wanted?? and she stripped him of it and handed him a worse fate (aka knowing everything around u but not being able 2 do a thing)?? so they were all in agreement eventually that the best thing for him was essentially murder
wELL THIS HEAUX SPUN OFF THE RAILS like she was already spinning but heaux wasnt even near the rails anymore she was basically a train flipped on its side still tryna chug like no bitch u cant chug anymore ur on ur side stfu
she dropped off the grid mid senior year and was like “ok let’s see im gonna make a map of the most fucked up places in america”
eventuaLLY she ended up in bordeaux and she was like “ok imma stay here for some time imma make some money sell ~drugz~ 2 some ppl”
oH I ALSO FORGOT ONE PART OF THE BIO ok so u kno how ur palms have those lines and it’s like “ok this one means ur gonna be healthy for ur life and this one means u will probably most definitely find a soulmate”?? she became 2 obsessed w those 2 live bc she was just thinkin “ok but wth the lifeline was so long the health line was so long who tf decided that this was a good idea?? these donut mean anythinG” so she’s a dunce who tried 2 burn them off... more than once.... heaUX THAT DOESNT WORK U DUNCE
but now she probs gets discounts at burn units (u kno in the ask i said “ultimate goal: become stifler’s mom” but rly it should be “ultimate goal: become freddy krueger”)
oh but she did effectively remove her fingerprints she’s fucked up but yeah using pineapples some needles like she dont rly even need 2 remove them i mean she’s committing a crime by selling drugs yeah but it’s not like she’s a killer?? buT she’s fucked up what can i say
take her out 2 the curb it’s garbage day tomorrow
