My Samhain experience this year was quite intensely emotional in ways I wasn't anticipating, but there is one playful moment I wish to share with you all: I was talking with my grandmother who passed last year, and I was looking around my room and my Loki journal caught my eye. (It has a picture of him and his Jotun kids on it. I use it to document my experiences working with children as an offering to Loki since they got me into that line of work.) I asked what she thought of Loki and the message I got was, "Well, he's not who I'd have chosen for you, but if he's helping you do good work like that (child care), then...*shrug*" I then proceeded to hear the word "showboat" very clearly and got the impression that she'd love to tell me he's no good and selfish and I shouldn't spend time with him, but because he's clearly helping me and his more self-serving actions can/do help others beside himself, she can't really convince me he's worth kicking to the curb. Which I honestly find so hilariously Christian of her. Like, clearly Jesus would be the best person to help me in life, but this obnoxious ass is doing more for me than my time with Jesus did so what's she reasonably gonna do to convince me?
I love my grandmother, and there's no way that conversation would have happened while she was living in this world. (There's no way she would have encountered Loki to form a real opinion of them otherwise.) I would honestly have been surprised if she was 100% on board with Loki. I'm ok that she isn't. I guess this conversation with her was ultimately a reminder that 1. Some interactions with other humans can't or won't be experienced until they've left their bodies for good, but that is ok and still sacred; and 2. Members of my family may be more understanding of my path and beliefs than I think they will, even if it takes existing in another form for them to start to understand it. I've never really spoken about specifics of my practices with most of my family, even the ones who are accepting. So I did feel quite vulnerable knowing she was now seeing this side of me (just simply due to the nature of our interaction). But I feel so blessed and honored to have her in my life even after her death. And I do appreciate her thoughts on Loki. Even if we do ultimately disagree, calling him a "showboat" definitely brought a smile to my face. :)
