Me: Demisexual(mom friend)/floating around in the asexual spectrum confused half the time.
Friends: Touchy Feely bunch that like to hug alot.
Friend of the friend group: Just hugging and touching like the other’s
Friend of friend group: Gives and Eskimo kiss while hugging me.
Friend of friend group: Kisses me on the lips.
Me in my mind: OKAY WTF!!??? Wait did that just happen!? Confusion!!!!
Friend of friend group: Continues also squeezes things now and again.
Me in my mind: I’ve been assaulted before this does not feel like that what is this??!!! I feel nothing. Literally NOTHING!!!! Oh wait he is asking a questions.
Friend of friend group: I hope I’m not weirding you out.
Me: Giggles awkwardly because that’s what girls are supposed to do right!!!?? “I literally have no concept right now of what that means. I really don’t quite get what that is supposed to define”.
Friend of friend group: “Wanna go back to your dorm later?”
Me: “But my Chinese food is getting cold….”
Returns to lunchroom with almost no further incident.
Talks to more than one “normal” friend who knows I don’t do those kinda things.
First thing they say…..“Did you like it?”
WWWHHHYYYY IS THAT YOUR REACTION TO MY VERY CLEAR CONFUSION AND STRESS!!!!!??? WHY!!!???
And why was at least some reaction to this event “You won’t know unless you try”. WHY!!??
NO!!!! NOPPITY NOPE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Like I’m fine I don’t feel assaulted I feel confused and like I screwed up somehow by not conveying properly how “NO” I was feeling but I was just confusion stunned working on auto pilot. So I don’t feel attacked or anything. Don’t know how else I feel about it. But I know that talking to my friends who I care for very much is not happening because they just don’t get my though processing here. Like I am upset about it but I don't feel like it's his fault. I'm confused and angry with myself. But when I try to talk to my friends they just....don't get that "I literally feel nothing" feel.
