#depression lies

[skrytch]

"Comparison is the death of joy," said someone better-spoken than me, but I think that depends on who you're comparing yourself to. Compared to everyone in the cemetery down the block I am doing great and have accomplished way more than they have today. I don't mean to shame all the corpses out there, but I suspect they don't really care.

- from "How To Be Okay When Nothing Is Okay" by Jenny "The Bloggess" Lawson

[livingouttheworsttimeline]

I’ve been in treatment for depression for over a decade. And by treatment I mean daily meds, weekly therapy, and at least quarterly check ins with my psychiatrist. I know how depression works, how it lies to you and makes you think you’ll never get better, that gray and blah is the best you can hope for, that anything else is fiction. I know what my warning signs are, my red flags, that indicate things are getting bad.

And they’re all waving right now- I fee overwhelmed and close to tears all the time. All I want to do is sleep, but once I’m in bed I can’t quiet my mind enough to fall asleep. I have zero interest in exercise or activities. Every day feels like I am trudging through a swamp full of molasses that is somehow also uphill.

But my depression keeps saying things like, “you’re already taking more than the recommended dosage of your anti depressant” (as per doc’s orders, not just because I feel like it), and “you’re a burden to you doctor’s and therapist,” and “theorems just nothing they can do. You have an incurable case of depression, and there’s just no hope”.

Academically, I know that those are lies. That they are symptoms, and that this is a disease that works to keeps itself entrenched. But I’m stuck in that molasses swamp, and I’m so tired.

I’m tired of trudging uphill, of pushing myself and working hard and taking my meds and going to therapy and doing my workouts and all of it. I just want to curl up in bed and stop functioning. Let someone else take care of everything.

I ate, showered, went outside, now I’m going to take my meds and go to sleep. And I hope that I feel better in the morning.

[spankerella]

[nai-jo]

Postpartum Depression & Being Haitian

Let's talk about it. Because it seriously needs to be spoken on. Why is depression taboo? Actually, why are all mental illnesses taboo and why does it always revert back to God? Why is my depression a result of not praying enough or going to church enough? There is such a big issue in my Haitian Community and I know we cannot be the only ones! Depression is bad. Medication for depression is bad. So what the hell do you want then? For me to suffer?

I have always said that if I ever had kids and they ever expressed to me anything about depression, I would make sure they got the help they needed. I wanted to make sure that I was not allowing anyone I love to suffer because of ignorance and you know what, even after I had kids, I kept my word. Depression already has a way of making you feel as though you are alone, so to have family and friends that are supposed to be there for you, be the same ones causing you to feel even more isolated is twice as hard. I refuse to be that person.

I have had the great blessing though, of having parents who have grown mentally and were there for me when I was at my lowest. I have had amazing girlfriends who listened to me cry and allowed for me to express myself, all while reassuring me that I was a great mom and that this feeling was normal and that there was help. I had the amazing PCP who looked at me and could see I was not okay.

I've said all of this to say, IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE OK! I want people to know that. Who the hell am I supposed to put on a show for? If I am not okay, then that is okay. Everyday may not be a good day. Some days you feel like you want to die because I know I do. But then I think about the people I love, my kids, my friends, my parents, my love, and I am able to just tell myself, "One more day Nai. One more day", and that little push gets me through. We really have to stop shaming people who express different issues they are going through mentally. We have to be supportive and embracing of them if anything because they NEED you. You might not feel as though you will have an impact but you do. You really do.

Some amazing people are one of the reasons that I am here today and I am forever grateful to them. I still have depression and I still take meds but I'm okay. I know that I have an army behind me and I am not alone. I pray that you can one day help someone who cries out to you for help. That's all for now Muggles. See you soon!

[miss-kitty-fantastico]

I really need to get officially diagnosed with ADHD so that I can learn how to deal with RSD, cause crying all night over the fact someone phrased something slightly differently is not working.

[goodgrammaritan]

Broken (in the best possible way) by Jenny Lawson

I don't think I'm alone in this. I think many of us struggle with the thought that it's okay to take care of ourselves, and it's strange that it's a struggle to treat ourselves as kindly as we treat the dog. The dog needs walks and healthy choices and water and play and sleep and naps and more naps. And love. I need that too. And so do you. It's not just a gift we give to ourselves...it's a duty.

I'll remind you if you remind me.

p101

Love on an animal. Go adopt a rescue, or if you can't, go to the shelter and just snuggle a kitten. Then realize that that same little kitten that you're cradling isn't going to accomplish shit but it's still wonderful and lovely and so important. You are that kitten.

p108 (emphasis mine)

You are that kitten.

[scottdixon]

the most powerful lies my depression tries to tell me are that i don’t deserve success and my ambitions are pointless. today is going in my treasure chest of memories that prove that voice wrong.

[serenityquest]