5/13/25
Trying to organize my thoughts.
Although I felt like I made significant progress with behaviors this week, it did not show on the scale today. I feel disappointed although I know I shouldn't be.
In the last week, I had 2 wonderful 25 mile bike rides, a couple dumbell circuits and a shitton of housework. I could have done better on steps.
I finally had gotten on tiktok and discovered skinnytok.... and it disappeared.
I hate that this is so hard. I am trying to get my weight loss going again and am struggling. The eating feels like it has been less of a struggle. Some things were overeaten and I had the power to toss the rest out so that cycle couldn't repeat day after day.
By some weight charts, I should still have 75 pounds to lose. I am shooting for 25 for now, then re-evalutate. I may have more muscle and I don't want to lose that but I really just want this damn process to be over.
I am dreading yet another meeting with me coach where we talk and I haven't lost anything. He knows damn well that I am obviously not in a deficit and have unreported eating somewhere.
I hate that ai struggle so much and I am so jealous of people who easily lose. I was 183 last sept and am 195 today. I am giving myself a day or 2 for my real weigh in but it is a conversation I am not looking forward to because I am just so over it.
And when I eat stupidly, it super sucks. I obviously am delaying my progress which is irritating the shit out of me.
I had an issue Sunday where I ate some dusty ass pecan sandies cookies. I don't even like them! I had them in the cupboard for mom. I served her and I up 4 cookies each because of mother's day or some fucking excuse.
She couldn't eat them she said they made her cough.
So I ate 7 mother fucking cookies! And then! Then I had a blueberry muffin. What the actual fuck. Goddamn it.
That's about 1000 cals. And yes, 1000 extra cals does not make a 13 pound gain. But it is added cals like this that are holding me back.
