120+ pounds down!

fucking Onederland via healthy eating, lifting + cardio, LGBT+, 45 [old AF] 💪 TW: calorie and/or carb counting SW: 317 CW: 196 GW: 179 176 169 UGW: 150

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Stay Strong

Weight loss and the track to getting healthy is longer for people with over 100 pounds to lose.

A 170 pound woman can diet and exercise for a couple months, lose 30 pounds and look absolutely amazing.

A 315 pound woman can diet and exercise for a couple months, lose 30 pounds and absolutely no one will notice.

And there is it. There is no stunning reveal after your 12 week "transformation." Your transformation may take a year. It might take 2.

It might take a thousand days of early morning walks, sticking to your IF schedule, not drinking, hitting the gym extra, not drinking sugary drinks, eating veggies instead of high fat appetizers, and going home early so you can hit the gym in the morning.

No one may notice, and that is ok.

Don't worry about them.

Worry about yourself. Do it for you. Heal your wounds. Stop your emotional eating. Find better coping habits. Stick to your goals. Never give up. If you slip up, find a strategy to get back on track and keep going.

Do it for you.

You deserve health and happiness. A sexy body and good life partners. You deserve all the love you keep pouring into everyone else, hoping that they will love you back. You need to take that loving, caretaking aspect of your personality and turn it inward, on yourself. Take care of yourself, first and foremost. Make yourself and your goals you #1 priority!!!

Stay Strong!

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Need to remind myself of this when I am feeling hopeless.

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Reblogging for my damn self. I am not at 30 pounds lost anymore, I am 70 down.

Yes, it has taken time and significant effort and habit changes.

Bitch, you are fucking worth it.

Look at you! You have been DOING THE DAMN THING.

Here is to the next 70 pounds! Fuck yes! DO IT!

DO IT!

Keep going! But look how fucking far you have come!

Congratulations to yourself for continued work on hard things!! Progress!

Gotdamn, 2022 you is proud of 2020 you! YOU KEPT MF 💪WORKING! You are MF making it happen!!!!

Fuck yes bitch! F yes!

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Reblogging for myself.

I am at 1000+ plus of trying different shit

However- this has been my fucking year. You keep going, you awesome bitch!

Almost 80 pounds down! You can do this!

You absofuckinglutely got this. You are blowing your own mind right now, that is how awesome you are!

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As I am now 100+ pounds down... this is a reminder to everyone to keep doing the damn thing.

It doesn't matter if no one notices.

Do it for you. Some of us have longer roads and that is ok.

Focus on YOU.

Intention & Consistency.

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5/26/26

Continuing to weigh around 198-203.

Steps are high, thanks to a new hyperfocus game: Pikmin bloom.

I also have been doing my Sit n cycle while I work. It isn't what I would call a workout but it is NEAT style activity, but it seems to help me focus.

My mom has been sick. Really sick, deathly sick at times and I am her primary caregiver. The fact that I am not acting out is fantastic.

She is doing better now but I am still tired and I just had a 3 day weekend.

I miss supernatural being on Netflix.

I struggle with electronics and have trouble getting things set up. I lost my office (it broke) tv years ago at this point. I have a new one and it is still in the box. My office tablet stopped working around the time my hoopla app stopped working which coincided with the onset of one of the worst depressions of my life.

That seemingly ended but I am still struggling with managing everything.

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I feel gross. I feel super bloated. I have an infected cut on my tummy.

It was a really long week.

I was so grumpy.

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4/2/26

Last weighed Saturday at 198.

I may have overeaten yesterday, but i have 2 days of good workouts/steps and that counts for something. I aim to keep it going tomorrow.

Trying to think about the things I was doing when I was being successful. There were 2 products in particular I haven't been able to find.

I miss those 2 things. 1 was a chocolate chew that tasted like a tootsie roll. 1 was a specific brand of gluccomannon powder that made a nice thick coffee without needing creamer.

I probably need to circle back in this blog. I am careful to not say much because I was traumatically T worded once. I lost all my writings, thoughts, when I was going thru a divorce and my soon to be ex wife was gaslighting me (when I didn't know what gaslighting was).

What I do remember is that I had a saying. What you do today doesn't matter, what you do every day matters.

So I need to be creative again and find ways to be happier in my fitness lifestyle. Chase joy and give the hard parts less friction.

You got this bitch, let's fucking GOOOOOOOOOO.

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3/22/26

2 posts in 1 day. I cleaned so much today.

I went to my nephews bday party. There was much candy and cheesy chip junk food so I probably just feel a little junky due to that.

When I got home, I made a moderate choice. I did not go to bed. I did not go for a 10k. I did clean the gym, including mopping the floor and redoing all the puppy pads. I also drank lots of water and put on so.e white strips for self care.

I might do a couple sets on the hip sled or something fun.

Things feel a little better being cleaner. I hope the fact that I am cleaning at all means that the depression is lifting. I still have so much to do. Enough that I could clean a different part of the house like 3 hours a day and just keep rotating and never run out of work.

My work recently sent a new computer so my desk is feeling better and I finally got my monitor risers on the desk. I am pretty sure I bought them 4 years ago.

I took Friday off and did a 25 mile bike ride. Yesterday I walked just over 5 miles.

So I am feeling all right.

Rest now, my sweet. Tomorrow is a new day.

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3/22/26

I am still around. Still weighing higher than I want to. Around 199-201.

Struggling

You know, the usual.

I started a new position min January and it basically fried my brain.

Idk if I am just being super hard headed about being on a GLP-1. I can't do it. But I am struggling.

I haven't had the freaking energy to d9 what I meed to do most days.

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1/9/26

I am still kicking. Am on a cardio streak of over a week. My last weigh in was yesterday & was 199.

Eating is less overwhelming but still have issues sometimes. Cookies. Chocolate. Will be better with the lack if holiday goodies.

I hiked Yesterday! It was glorious.

Today is my last day with my team at work, I am now moving to a different team.

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1/3/26

Day 2 tracking on mfp.

Day 7 cardio streak. 💪 Building wins.

The heaviness is still there but I am focused on small steps.

Since supernatural is no longer on Netflix, I guess I am watching something else now.

Currently Wednesday. Also behind on The Witcher, Stranger Things. And literally everything else because I spent the last 6 months on my boys, comfort watching because my mom was sick.

I want my boys back. I have the DVDs tho. Bahahahahaha.

I didn't track over the holidays and tried not to pay so much attention to food all the time. I know I overate tho because there are so many more treats at my brother's house. And they are all out while we were playing games and doing holidays and I know damn well I had a surplus. Why? Because I feel great and have zero food noise right now abahahahahahaha

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12/30/25

I survived the holidays. I was solely focusing on getting thru them and not anything else. Workouts were spotty. Nutrition was spotty.

But I survived.

I did not quit my job.

I did not lose my shit on anyone.

Doing the things, hell yes.

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12/18/25

Went to the gym again yesterday. No sign of Orange Ogre Gym bro.

I did a Variety of good cardio and generally had a great time listening to loud music on YouTube.

Stepmill, walking, arc trainer (like elliptical but no arms), rowing. Had a MF BLAST!!!!

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12/17/25 wt 204

I don't think it is real, I am spotting like my period is starting.

I had a half day yesterday. Got my mom to her last doc appt for awhile. Got her bk after.

I got a diet coke & an 8 piece nugget. I went home to eat and added zucchini and radishes. I used home sauce and not their sauce.

I left the house after to go tanning - which is needed with my SAD issues. My past self had packed a set of workout clothes. I put them on after and went out to do 30 min on the stair master. Thank you past self.

However, my shirt felt tight. And one of the gym bros looked at me and looked away, obviously gross out quickly. I was done with my workout and hadn't pulled the shirt far enough away from my tummy.

Yeah bud, I know this shirt fit better 20 pounds ago.

It's ok. Be disgusted.

I am also disgusted.

And obviously still in my feels about it. But F you, damn right look away. I obviously needed to be at the gym. At least that happened after my 30 mins of all stairs and not before because it may have killed my workout.

So it didn't throw off my workout but it did throw off my shopping after. Crash out? No more like space out.

I literally was standing around like a dork and just staring at stuff and not making viable gifting decisions. My blood sugar was probably low.

I took a to go tea but it was too hot to drink, I kept burning my mouth and I couldn't get the damn container open to cool it off. It spin me out a bit and I wanted a lovely WARM beverage dammit.

I did find some Pandy peach rings. I did not hate them. I love peach rings but I used to devour a whole bag at a time which is 500-1000 cals. For a snack!

Dinner was ham n cabbage. Dessert was a homemade cookie from my friend and an apple with Stevia and apple pie spice.

In the vein of Always Keep Fighting...... Idc if I have gained, I am going to keep going.

AKF

Also I finished the last episode of Supernatural on Netflix today by 11 am... The last day of netflix availability. Which means I watched like 5 episodes this morning. Oh the feels. The feeeeeeels.

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12/9/25.

I feel like I have been on a high eating cycle for about 48 hours. Thanks to a Sam's club bag of popcorn and prolly not nearly enough protein Sunday morning.

Not off the rails but depression dopamine seeking for sure.

Thank God I don't have much in my house but someone sent me a present yesterday and there were chocolates inside. I ate them all. And lots of weird little gummy candy.

But when I went to Walmart I had a set of Bavarian donuts, a dozen minis and a cake, half vanilla half chocolate. They did not make it home. I pushed myself to dump them and get strawberries instead. Decisions were made.

I did get halotop caramel and protein pretzels. But I managed to renegotiate everything else.

I bought butternut squash cubes and made a dessert with it.... and proceeded to fucking dump it on the ground.

I have a paper due in 3 days. Same day my mom has surgery.

I defrosted my mini fridge and did a 30 min incline walk. Something is better than nothing. I am finding it hard to get steps in.

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12/7/25

Date went well. Coffeehouse did not have quiche so I did a gf jam bar.

Went to the play and was able to avoid all the adult beverages and high calorie snacks.

My girl and I talked about the weirdness last night.

I am now at Sam's awaiting a pickup order. And regretting it because I will have to carry it in.

Great success 🙌 good job kid

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12/7/25 wt 194 something

I am glad I held my boundary. I need to do that more often. I feel guilty for letting my friend down but I did not ask for all that. She made a remark about having leftovers that she can't eat. I'm sorry man, but I can't eat them either.

I sipped on my festive coffee/crio bru/lmnt drinking most of the time we were there. Sprayed myself some empower after just in case sweet treats popped up.

I have a coffee date today and then a play: A Christmas Story.

I am up. Animals are fed. I need to jump on the treadmill, my steps this week were abysmal.

I did get a some run/walk mileage in yesterday but it took me awhile. I even added some time on the bike when my feet were getting sore from running. (New running only shoes but I lost conditioning so I am back to run/walks]

I was really sore and just tired most of the week. And lazy. And the kind if work I have been getting is not conductive to a walking pad, and I got a boil from my sit n cycle the week before.

And this week, I have a paper due Friday. And I missed class Tues so I need to make that up today.

Thinks and things to do but I am still on my bed in my jammies. With a heater running.

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Food Pusher

I held a boundary! I asked my friend if there would be food at game night that she was hosting. She said soup, but then when I arrived. It was obviously more than soup. It was soup and GIANT grilled cheese sandwiches.

I told her that sorry, I would not be eating because I already ate. Because I was told there wasn't going to be food, but there would be soup.

She said soup is a food. I said no, vegan soup is a snack. She scoffed.

But when everyone settled and sat down, she still tried to give me a sandwich. I already said no. I SAID NO THANK YOU BUT I WILL TAKE SOME SOUP.

So. I held a boundary even though it pushed my people pleasing buttons. Even though it was socially awkward. Yes I had already eaten. But before I would go ahead and eat again.

Later there was spinach dip, chips and garlic bread. Which I also did not eat. It seemed to affect the way she acted a little bit.

I am proud of myself for holding my boundary and not eating so much that I roll out of there.

There were 2 incidents that I remember in the last year or 2: one with a bunch of fried junk food and one with multiple pies.

It is almost like maybe she wants to indulge but want everyone else to indulge with her. Is that a TR thing? Like an alien saying Have a Drink with me?

Idk man. I survived and had fun despite the awkwardness and shit. I was sassy though.

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Tiny Rant

One of the worst things people have said to me after 120 pound weight loss is that I: "Look Happy."

I am not. That is all.

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12/6/25

Weight 193 something, 2nd day in a row.

I had a good day yesterday. I was up early, got off work early, and went to town. There is a specific thrift store that closes at 5 in our twin town that I never make it to. They have a Christmas store. I went in an walked around to soak in all the sparkles. IT IS GLORIOUS. I was hoping for a new mini tree like the one i love so much but no dice. It's lights went out. I wish I could figure it out to fix it. Maybe I will try again when my class work is done.

I also haven't booted up my new tablet yet but I digress. Or put away my clothes.

I got a pair of Maurice jeans, in a 9/10. And a pair of readers and a glasses case, my first pair. Maybe I will start being able to read again. I wanted to get some new small dishes. Or blue dishes. I had found some that I was considering but I told myself I would go back for them and i didn't have time.

I sat in my car and played Pokémon. My gal decided we should go have dinner, to save me from my beef liver supper.

It was lovely, I had fun. I had 5 glasses of water during dinner, probably because I forgot to bring water with me. I did bring a tea but it was long gone by then.

So, I made it out of the house to actually do something. Had a lovely dinner.

Shared the appetizer. Wanted coffee but they didn't have decaf. Ordered something new, which is unusual for me. Ordered the special, a peppercorn pork ribeye.... and it was the best non bacon pork I have ever had. Super delightful.

I told myself I wasn't going to go ham on the fries, and I did find ways to eat slower but I still feel like I ate half.

Today I turned on all lights in my room to try to make things bright and cozy. I laid in bed and watched some tik toks. Got up, made mom breakfast. Fed the animals. Did a chore or 2 and am getting some coffee in me before I hit the treadmill. If anything, throughout my life I have been an exercise queen. Not a weight loss queen because I was well over 250 for 20 years. But an exercise queen 👸 I am exercising less but I am really hoping to find the sweet spot where I can exercise and feel good, and not be wrecked for days. Have the good mood benefits but not be so hungry all the time.

I am trying to find joy in things, even small things because this depression is like suffocating. But I am actively seeking non destructive ways to feel good, to be present for people, and to find glimmers.

I had a talk with my sister about how I was feeling and that I was trying to stay away from maladaptive coping. No more booze, no more overeating --which I was obviously doing for years, often in tandem. I am healthy now but I have to find a better way to cope with these bouts of depression.

Coffee today is Boca Java: Candy Cane Cheer. I added a little extra Stevie peppermint drops to my second cup.

I have been trying to back off caffeine a tiny bit. Less Monsters when they ised to be a daily habit. I have Alanis I haven't opened yet. I even bought decaf coffee. And I have various non caffeine teas as well.