#disocciation

[bordersline]

this is gonna sound crazy n potentially disrespectful but if u struggle with dissociation try walking in a churchyard -- somehow seeing graves all around u makes u so horribly sad n tearful n reminds u of your mortality so vividly that it brings u back to reality-- the sight of the graves, the sunlight, the sound of the birdsong- it helps me snap out of it idk

[sapphic-space-syren]

yo dissociation is w i l d and I have no memory at all of last Thursday

[stellardrift]

Dissociation

Almost seven years ago now, I was walking through the streets and it’s quite difficult to describe, this feeling of vanishing quite simply into air. At first I pictured myself clinging onto the handrails where I could find them, my legs losing weight, drifting up to the sky. In order to overcome the spiritual despair I absented myself from my body, quite freely. I knew what love was, I was fortunate then. She didn’t understand why I had to end things there. Many times I have wanted to apologise to myself, as I grieved for my own mind, somewhere in the ether, quite simply on its on plane and making its own journey. The body and mind are not quite as inseparable as one might believe. We had our romance back then, we smoked cigarettes in abandoned gardens, leafing through novels. The mind set the body a task: Survive without me. And as the Springtime harks back and I reclaim old lost territories I look in the mirror at this damaged frame and I am stunned by the automaticity of it all: it is here, my home. All this time we are looking for our home in life and here it is. Our minds may wander, dissociate, yearn for faraway place... But here where our eyes can communicate to ourselves are deepest spiritual travails. There is a real, crystalline perception of ourselves, however far removed from the depths of our spiritual selves. My eyes do not see what I see in my dreams, in the places my body cannot follow. There will always be that gulf. But for now I am at home in myself, for the first time in some time. 

[agitatedloser]

lol my mother still thinks i know how time works nice

I cant do anything without AT LEAST spacing off for like an hour in what seems like minutes all the tim e ;) 

[waxahatchee]

tip: don’t listen to gasoline when you’re dissociating 

[rennasophiaconstance]

Confused... Again..

This is going to be a bit of a rant, and if you read it all then I thank you.   You see the thing is I have never really journalled, well I've tried but I can never really give it a thought, my dissassociation generally kicks in and blanks my mind..

Just at the moment I'm quite unsure of what to do, I have so many racing thoughts sorting of going through my head (not really aware of them).   I don't feel unwell enough to be getting help, in fact I feel normal.   But when I feel normal I want to trigger myself, so I do.   I make a plan to get more self-destructive.   See I decided to get better.    But I'm not so sure anymore.   It's like I'm fighting an uphill battle.

I'm sitting here and I'm thinking should I give up?   Should I keep pushing?  I really don't know what to do - I did have more to say but my mind is cutting me off.   I guess that's part of the problem, it cuts me off the point I don't really understand why I am the way I am?    I don't know who I am x.x; It's like my mood define me.

Oh fuck knows, That is all.  Thanks for listening. 

<3