The Quiet Kind of Dying - emo ass Robert Robertson fanfic
MAJOR tw for eating disorder content, its like half the plot. Episode 6 spoilers
aka keeping myself from relapsing by projecting that shit onto fictional white men ! let me know if you want more bc im worried its too cheesy </3 also i haven't written fanfic in literal YEARS be gentle
12:17 pm, SDN headquarters. Robert’s lunch break.
The man leaned against the brick exterior of the building, smoking a cigarette and staring at the ground. The Z-Team had been… less than motivated that particular morning, and he was searching the recesses of his mind to come up with ways to get their spirits, and their work ethics, up to par.
He brought the cigarette up for a final drag, but froze with it just in front of his lips. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as a woman took shape beside him. A couple months ago, he may have jumped. Now, he knew it to be Invisigal. Or, to Robert, just Courtney–his lover of just two months.
“Some lunch, huh?” She remarked.
“Consider it dessert. I had a sandwich first,” Robert replied, before holding his smoke between his lips and grabbing Courtney one of her own.
The sandwich, of course, was a lie. It had been thirty seven and a half hours since Robert had last eaten, and he was planning on continuing until he reached at least forty eight, as he did every Wednesday and Thursday. Every molecule of food, as well as when and where it was eaten, had been diligently planned out since he was a teenager, detailed in a notebook as neatly as he could manage. Allowing himself to completely regulate what entered his body as well as what he saw in the mirror was a therapeutic element of control in a life that was otherwise utterly unpredictable. After all, what he saw when he stared at himself red-eyed in the bathroom mirror was what everyone else saw when Mechaman saved their lives. Robert had always felt he had a certain reputation, a certain appearance to uphold.
“I love dessert.” Courtney smiled and placed the cigarette between her lips. “Gimme a light?” she purred, leaning in far closer than necessary.
“Of course, m’lady,” Robert smirked, procuring a black lighter from the pocket of his khakis. He leaned closer to her, too close himself, and lit the flame. He made unwavering eye contact as he slowly brought the fire to the end of her cigarette.
“Thanks,” Courtney breathed, before taking a long inhale, maintaining eye contact.
“Any time,” replied Robert. He stared into her eyes for just a few seconds longer, before finally looking away, straight ahead at the horizon. “Nice day, hm?”
“Was, until you got me all hot and bothered.”
Robert shook his head, despite his widening smile. “What a shame.”
They stood together in silence for some time. Finally, Courtney took a deep breath and asked, “Do you wanna grab dinner after work?”
Her hesitation was amusing. She was well established as his girlfriend and he was happy to spend time with her. The prospect of dinner, though, made him anxious. There were still almost twelve hours left on the clock until he could eat.
After some deliberation, he said, “I don’t know about tonight. I gotta meet with Royd. Suit stuff, y’know? But I was considering getting shitfaced tomorrow tonight. Can I interest you in that?”
Courtney tried to look tough, but her smile was soft. “You’ve got a deal, Robert Robertson,” And with that, she was gone.
As if on cue, Robert’s smartwatch chirped and flashed, signalling the end of his lunch break. He tossed his cigarette butt on the ground, crushed it under his foot, and hauled open the doors to the office with tired arms. He dragged himself back to his desk where he collapsed into his chair and ran his hands down his face. Four months ago, Chase would have been leaning over the top of the cubicle, hassling Robert about the bags under his eyes and the growling in his stomach. But those days were behind him, now, and Chase existed only in the photograph on his desk.
With one, final, deep breath, Robert pulled up his chair, straightened his back, put on his headphones and the happiest voice he could muster. “Hey, team. Ready to tackle this afternoon?”
TW for eating disorders, alcohol/drug use, kidnapping, & almost smut but not quite
The second chapter of my edgy, self indulgent whump fic <3 this is a lot longer than the last one, i hope you enjoy :))
Chapter 1
12:09 pm, SDN lunch room. The next day.
This time, the sandwich was real. Minimal ingredients, as filling as it could be with as little actual food involved as possible. In all honesty, it was eighty percent lettuce, ten percent turkey, five percent bread and five percent guilt. Robert ate it with a straight face, though, examining the table and thinking about anything except his full stomach. Instead, he thought about Courtney. She was due any minute now. She always made sure to meet him for lunch, though he never told her exactly where he would be. Somehow she just knew.
He watched the door eagerly. Even at his lowest, hungriest, most exhausted, he craved her. Her voice, her face, her humor… her fuckable body.
Before his thoughts could get too carried away, a figure appeared in the doorway. Less fuckable, but an equally welcome sight– Robert’s best friend, Herm. Otherwise known as Waterboy, newest and wettest member of the Z-Team.
“Hey, man! Fancy seeing you here,” Robert smiled, setting the sandwich to the side and resting his chin on his hand.
“Yes! Very- Feel- I am very fancy today. Happy today! Very happy today.” Herm smiled, laying out a towel on the chair beside Robert’s. He sat.
“Oh? And why is that?”
“I… have a date tonight!” Waterboy announced, sitting up with as much faux confidence as he could. His cheeks and his ears were red, but he was beaming. Robert smiled along with him.
“Hell yeah, you do!” He held out his fist and Herm gave him a fist bump. As Robert shook the water off his knuckles, Invisigal apparated beside him. Right on time.
“Did I hear date?” She slung an arm around Robert’s shoulder as she waited intently for the soppy hero’s answer.
“You did say- you heard- going on a date!” He beamed proudly at Courtney.
“Do you have a picture?” she asked excitedly, leaning over Waterboy’s shoulder before he could even type in the password to his phone. Robert admired her smile along with the rest of her. She was the brightest part of his day, beside the little round ball of fur napping under his desk.
Herm presented a photo of a handsome yellow-haired man, smiling proudly in front of a shining red car. Robert thought the guy looked fine enough. Courtney scrutinized the photo for a while before finally announcing, “He looks familiar, but I can’t fuckin’ place it. Where’s he takin’ you?”
“Bellucci’s. On- on 7th.”
This earned raised eyebrows from Courtney and an impressed whistle from Robert. “Damn,” he said, “fancy Italian place. He must like you. I’m proud of you, bud.” He gave Herm a gentle punch on the shoulder.
The trio conversed for a little while longer before Waterboy excused himself, leaving Robert and Courtney alone in the lunchroom.
The moment he was gone, she leaned into him dramatically and sighed. “I am sooooo ready for tonight. In more ways than one.” She winked, and Robert chuckled.
“Me too, Court. Me fuckin’ too.” He eyed the half eaten sandwich. “You want the rest of that?”
“You don’t?” Invisigal asked, but she was already reaching for it.
“Nah, I had a couple of twinks.” More lies, hidden behind a sarcastic smile. He used to feel bad about it, but after so many years it had become routine. If people know you’re not eating, they make it a lot fucking harder. Robert tried to avoid this as much as possible.
She shrugged and enjoyed his sandwich in silence. He sat, arm around her shoulder, scarred hands playing with the short hairs at the nape of her neck and brown eyes watching her with quiet contentment. Eventually, though, his watch buzzed and signalled the end of their lunchtime oasis. With a heavy sigh, Courtney gave him a kiss far too deep for a workplace lunchroom and promptly disappeared.
“See you tonight, my love,” Robert said to the air as her scent faded from the room.
–
2:56 am, Robert’s apartment.
Robert sat cross legged on the floor as Beef snuffled happily around him, tail wagging at record speeds. Beside him sat a half empty bottle of whiskey, an unopened bottle of his girlfriend’s favorite vodka, and the only two glasses he owned. The missing whiskey flowed through his veins as he watched his dog with a drunken smile.
Beside him, the front door opened and closed, but nobody seemed to enter. He stared at the empty space beside him before he finally quipped, “You’re gonna have to breathe eventually. Try not to pass out on my floor.”
Courtney appeared in front of him, arms crossed and rolling her eyes. “Says the guy who’s sitting on the floor after his boss bought him a goddamn couch.”
“First of all, that has nothing to do with, well, anything. Second of all, it's comfortable. I’m used to it.”
“No, you’re a masochist,” She said simply, planting herself on the floor next to him. She reached for the vodka in front of her. “You remembered my favorite. I’m shocked.” She was trying, as always, to sound tough. But Robert always saw through her.
“Of course I remembered.” He took her chin in his hand and kissed her deeply, freckled cheeks flushed with alcohol and lust. She kissed him back for a long time before pulling away. He pouted playfully.
“You're pretty, but lemme get drunk first,” she shot playfully, pouring herself a healthy glass of liquor.
It wasn’t long before they were both damn near wasted and half naked, making out on the floor. Courtney straddled him, her teeth sinking into his chapped lips as he whined into her mouth. He had tried and failed to be in charge, instead finding himself with his arms pinned above his head. Invisigal’s right hand held them in place as her left hand roamed his scarred but toned chest. A half smoked joint smoldered in an ashtray beside them, courtesy of Courtney but promptly forgotten the minute she was in his lap.
Her painted fingernails wandered down past the jagged scars along his hips, past his belly button, through the thin happy trail leading to the hem of his khakis and finally to the zipper, fiddling with it desperately.
“Goddammit, I can’t wait any longer. Lemme help you,” Robert breathed, trembling hands and bitten nails searching for the zipper, mad with lust as his hard cock strained against ecru fabric. Just as he found it, the pair was snapped out of their stupor by the incessant buzzing of Robert’s phone. At first they tried to ignore it, but it continued for minutes on end before it finally woke up Beef, who started barking anxiously.
With an annoyed sigh, Courtney rolled off of him. Robert pulled himself to his feet and stumbled to the kitchen counter where his phone cried for attention. He squinted at the screen before calling out to Courtney, “It’s fucking Blazer!” The last time she called him at this hour, they made love on top of the Hollywood sign. A lot had changed in six months.
“The hell does she want? Better be important, cockblocking me like that-”
“Hang on, hang on, lemme fuckin’ answer for godssakes-”
His face fell as he heard Mandy’s panicked voice on the other line.
“Robert! Thank God. I’m sorry if I woke you up.”
“No, but it is four in the morning and I am drunk and slightly stoned, so I’d appreciate if you made it snappy.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Well, I’ll get to the point. We were receiving distress signals from that nice restaurant on seventh-”
“Oh, fuck me-”
“Let me finish. When I checked the cameras, I saw a blond man dragging someone that looked a lot like Waterboy into a red car. We’ve been trying but we can’t reach Herm at all. Sonar is on route there now, but… I just felt like you should know. I didn’t think you’d be so… out of it when I called.”
“It's a Friday night and I’m clinically depressed, you thought I’d be sober? I’ll be there in ten.” Despite his humor, Robert’s heart pounded in his chest.
“No, you won’t, Robert. You’re drunk, you’re high-”
“And I fucking know something! Royd, Royd should still be there. Tell him to pick us up-”
“Us?”
“Me and Court. Tell him to come get us. I need- I need to be there.”
Blazer bit the inside of her cheek. She had no right to be jealous. She broke things off with Robert for the sake of professionalism and he seemed happier with Invisigal anyway. Still, she couldn’t help but imagine…
She shook those thoughts from her head. “Fine. I’ll send Royd. Just try not to come in reeking like pot.”
Robert hung up and shoved his phone in his back pocket. He zipped his fly and hastily lurched into the living room. He reached an arm out to help Invisigal up.
“Put your shirt on. That piece of shit with a sexy car kidnapped Herm.”
“What do you mean kidnapped?” Courtney practically screamed, scrambling to find her shirt and snatching her inhaler off the arm of the couch.
“I mean, shoved into a car and taken somewhere! Royd is coming to get us, I gotta find my wallet-”
“I gotta finish this joint,” Courtney threw open a kitchen cupboard in search of a lighter. “God, do you not own food?”
Robert froze. “I just- I don’t- I don’t like shopping. C’mon, hurry up. We gotta go.”
Courtney took one last troubled look at the bare cabinet before slamming it shut. It bothered her, but the prospect of Waterboy in the trunk of a stranger’s car alarmed her more. A heavy knock on the door signaled Royd’s arrival and she followed Robert out the door, heart pounding in her throat, joint forgotten on the counter.
cw for kidnapping & alcohol use, ig implied eating disorder but not rlly a thing this chapter
Chapter 1 Chapter 2
Robert practically threw himself into the passenger seat of Royd’s truck as Courtney swiftly pulled herself into the backseat. Even in the vehicle’s huge cab, Royd looked hunched over and uncomfortable.
“I’m glad you’re here, bruddah,” he said seriously, speeding off down the road. He was almost certainly breaking some laws. “You, too, Invisigal.” He gave her an earnest glance through the rearview mirror. He had been trying to make up for zip-tying her to a desk for some time. She had been trying to act like she didn’t forgive him.
“Thanks for picking us up, Royd. What do you know?” Robert asked.
“All we know is that some blonde man pulled Herm into a car. Our boy didn’t look hurt, but he was definitely trying to get away. Then they went west, really fast in that red muscle car. Sonar is following them in the air, he’s all mega-bat, real angry. Malevola is on her way, too, but we don’t know where they’re taking him yet.”
Robert scowled. “Visi, you said he looked familiar. You place it yet?” He turned in his seat to face her.
“I think I might have, but I’ll need to check that fancy database you have to be sure.”
“No problem,” said Royd. “Check the glove box, Mecha Man. I got an SDN tablet in there. Brought it along just in case, you know?”
“Good thinking, big guy.” Robert pulled open the glove box and snagged the tablet. It took a while for his tired eyes to adjust to the bright screen. The adrenaline in his veins was certainly sobering him up, but he was still a little tipsy nonetheless. He pulled up the supervillain database and handed it back toVisi.
She typed hastily and then hummed with satisfaction. “I was right.”
“Well, show me!” Robert held out his hand and Courtney handed back the tablet, open to a file labeled “Bonesnap, aka Nathan Franke”. Several arrests for kidnapping, intimidation, armed robbery. Known to have connections to the red ring.
“Red ring…” Robert whispered. There was no way this had anything to do with that, right? Shroud was dead, killed by Robert with his own two hands. But what if there was a successor? Robert squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his hand across his forehead. He tried to eradicate the thought.
“Bonesnap. Stupid ass name. Do you know anything about him?” He turned, again, to face Courtney.
“He was a real ass. But, then again, they all were. Major suck up to Shroud. He used to parade around saying Shroud was eternal. A whole bunch of obsessive bullshit. Honestly, I… I wouldn’t put it past him to try and be the next Shroud.”
Robert really hadn’t wanted to be right, but he was beginning to believe he was. Royd parked at the SDN office and Robert practically threw himself out of the car and through the front door, Royd and Courtney close behind. He tore through the building, tripping over his own feet but managing to keep upright. Finally, he reached his desk, where Blonde Blazer sat in his chair, wearing his headset. She was muttering urgent instructions while simultaneously writing chicken scratch notes. She turned as she sensed Robert by her side.
“Oh, thank God you guys are here. Robert, I don’t know how you do this. It’s intense,” she was trying to be lighthearted and professional, but strain was evident in her voice.
“Just tell me what’s going on,” he practically pleaded.
“Well, as Royd probably told you, Sonar and Malevola are on the pursuit. Unfortunately, Sonar had a… close encounter with an airplane and lost track of the car, but they’re still heading west looking for it.”
“Well, Visi knows who’s driving it.” He handed over the tablet and Blonde Blazer scoured it anxiously.
“Shit, not good. This guy’s known to be a fanatic. I’d bet he’s trying to get information about Shroud’s killer.”
“What the fuck would Waterboy know?” Robert growled, but before anyone could answer, he asked, “If Sonar lost sight of the car, can’t we use Waterboy’s location?”
“His tracker has been disabled-”
“Move out of the way,” Robert demanded, and Blazer vacated the chair without a word. He wasted no time, frantically typing in an attempt to gain access to the tracker. When he did, he silently motioned for Blazer to give him the headset. She handed it over without argument.
–
“I found him!” Malevola’s voice caused Robert to breathe a sigh of relief.
“Thank fuck. What’s his status?”
“Unconscious. Wet. But he’s fuckin’ alive, the trooper.”
Blazer, Royd, and Visi cheered. Robert just leaned back in his chair, exhausted. “Good. And the perp?”
“The little fucker is in cuffs!” Sonar announced.
“Thank God. Great- fantastic job, guys. Really. Now get our Herm back here. We need to get him into the clinic.”
Robert took off his headset and tossed it onto the desk. His whole body ached and his head pounded. But Waterboy was alive and safe and that was all that mattered.
Courtney knelt down in front of Robert. “You look like shit,” despite the insult, he could tell she was concerned for him, her brown eyes anxious and her shoulders tense. “Do you want anything from the break room? I brought cash for the vending machine.”
Robert was starving. With a defeated sigh, he said, “A black coffee. And, I guess some Twinkies.”
