#dissociative vent

[sage-hazeline]

how do you reconnect to life after being disconnected for so long

[thecovenhouseco]

I wanna roll around in dirt and forget I’m real for just a little bit

[mildew-mop]

Memories are stupid and weird. Idk how it is for other people, but for most things, your memory bases how you view the world.

For example, you look at your phone. You know what a phone is. You have past memories at some point that are explaining to you what a phone is. You remember it. You might not think about it, but these memories all build up your view of what it is. You can remember there are different kinds of phones. You know how you have your phone, and why it's there. For the most part, it's probably not that significant.

The same goes for a lot of things, especially basic things. What you typically eat. What you look at, etc. If the first time you experience something, it's positive or neutral, then the thing doesn't matter. It's something that exists.

But what about if the first time you experience something, it's bad? Maybe the first time you get into a red truck, something bad happens. Maybe every time you get into a red truck, something bad happens. Maybe when you watch a certain TV show or eat a certain fruit.

Maybe the first time something happened relating to an object or concept, it was bad. And every time it was brought up again, all you could think about was that first negative experience.

It makes it hard to navigate the world when everything about common things relates back to horrible things.

[dissociated-identity]

Feeling a little lost

I barely switch anymore, I used to all the time and now it’s co-con or just hearing them around instead. Granted, I’m in my early 30’s now but I don’t know if that’s a factor. I miss it, but I also have “faking it” anxiety and all the rest av it.

Does anyone else feel this way?

[c4tb1rd]

Hey does anyone else feel like. Wrongish. Like you’re an Entity shoved into a human body that wasn’t built for you and you’re just now figuring it out?

Like, I feel like I’m supposed to have wings. If I focus I can feel them, the “shoulder” joint is right under my shoulder blade. They puff up when I’m cold and flap when I’m happy and wrap around myself when I’m sad. I’ve always had them.

But I don’t have them. And sometimes I don’t mind but sometimes it feels like I’ve lost something.

I am a system and dissociation makes up a large part of my consciousness, so that may be it. I’ve looked into therianthropy but it doesn’t seem like what I’m experiencing.

I guess I’m just asking if someone else feels the same. DMs and asks are open if you have advice or want to chat!

[mildew-mop]

Tmw you thought that you were an ANP and the front and make the worst possible realization.

Welp time to write down the worst fucking trauma and see how the others react to find ping THAT out.

[mildew-mop]

The physical repulsion of being able to recall childhood memories.

[diaryofthelapine]

so like, i dont have a DID diagnosis, but i've been doing a lot of trauma and parts work with my therapist. it's such a relief to know what my mind has been doing, that it's trying to keep me safe.

i just remember growing up being so alone and wishing i could live 1000 lives, creating my own world with "imaginary friends" that i could live vicariously through instead of being trapped in reality.

an example of this being what i now know as an introject of Brietta from Barbie's Magic of Pegasus. i wanna fucking cry bc as i write this im confirming with my mom that my Penelope the pegasus who went with me to class in kindergarten is definitely not simply a figment of my imagination and i can still feel her here the more i remember.

thats enough for one day though we cant open that can of wings now

blessings to all,

bunni