#doseofnohemy

[doseofnohemy]

When I first saw her I thought to myself, “so this is what they meant when they said you would just know.” Because I knew.

It was about two weeks later when I found myself drifting off into day dreams covered with her silhouette. And the dreams were so alive. So vivid. So beautiful. Like her.

I could smell her perfume as if she was right next to me, and I could hear her laugh right in my ear. Her eyes stared into my soul the way I always longed to stare into someone’s soul myself.

I ached for her. For her touch. Not sexually. But intimately. The way you ache for your comfort blanket when you want to lay up next to the running fire place. Because it kept you warm. And the thought of her being in my arms kept me warm.

I ached to hold her and random times of the day and to play with her when she told me about her day. I ached for her presence in my life the way you ache for company in your loneliest hours.

I saw her one time, and that was all it took for me to know that I needed to have her in my life regardless of what role she played in it.

I see her every now and then. I see her when I’m at my happiest moments. I see her when life gets easier. But she goes away when it gets slightly tough because she doesn’t like the way the grey clouds shade the light that makes her essence glow.

She runs easily and it’s okay because I know she’ll be back when it’s sunnier.

All I can do for now is stare into the mirror and hope I’ll see a glimpse of her bright eyes, and try to bring the sun out as much as I can.

[doseofnohemy]

I like to think of us as the cliche “they almost had it”

They almost had the love that romance novels are written about.

They almost had the quiet mornings in bed. Coffee on his side, tea on hers.

They almost had the cute little garden that they both worked on in the afternoons while a mix of their favorite songs played in the background.

They almost had the last minute day trips to the bay just to “get away for a bit”.

They almost had the petty little fights over petty little things that eventually led to a soft make up because they loved each other too much.

They almost had the flame that everyone chased in their relationships or pursuits of one. The one that inspire the phenomenal “twin flame”.

They almost had quiet nights where they talked about their day to each other and slowly caressed each other to sleep only to repeat the quiet morning coffee/tea routine the next day.

I almost had you. You completely had me. I’m not so sure how it happened, or when it happened, but it did.

I dream about what was needed to have you completely, but you’re not meant to be kept. Maybe you belong to just yourself and parts me belong to everyone I almost had.

I wonder what the reality would’ve been if we did have it.

We almost had it. Almost.

But all we have left is what was almost kept, yet managed to get away.

[doseofnohemy]

I aspire to be the silk that drapes around your body the same way the stars drape across the night sky.

[doseofnohemy]

The day I met you

I think I met you in another life.

Back when the stars told stories of fallen heroes along with the tragedies that followed.

Back when people sailed to the other side of the world to find their purpose, and there I found mine with you. 

I think we met and pulled away the same way the ocean kisses the sandy beach and pulls away to find another beach to kiss. 

I know the sun sets in every city of every country of every continent, but I like to believe that the sun set doesn’t exist in our own little world. 

In our world, the sun is always out and kissing our skin the way we kiss our lips. And it’s never dark. Because even when the sun is taking a rest, the stars come out with the moon and continue to light the paths that lead us to each other. 

I think I met you when I learned how to read. Because I then learned how to read beautiful poems that melted like silk on my tongue and that was when I could taste your existence. 

I think I met you when I learned how to perfect my grandmothers recipe. Because I then learned how to put all of my love and care on to a plate to make sure that my love was enough to nourish you and keep you going even if it was without me. 

I think I met you when I sat outside in the rain and let the tears of the sky cover me in it’s cold embrace. Because that was when I learned that the warmth of your presence was slowly pulling away the way I wished the sun never set. 

I knew I met you when I lost you. 

Because when I lost you I looked for you everywhere. In all the places and in the deepest corners that I, at one point, didn’t know existed. I was so convinced that I was going to find you again. So I sat every morning, watching the sun rise. Over and over again, waiting for you to come with every sun rise that came. 

But then I realized that you weren’t the sun that kept rising over and over again. So I slept in. 

And I stayed up late with the moon and the stars and the pitch black sky. 

And I found beauty in the dark blue night sky that seemed so endless compared to the morning hues of orange and yellow. 

I knew I met you when I no longer wished to find you again. 

[doseofnohemy]

💛

[doseofnohemy]

❤️‍🩹

[doseofnohemy]

The weight that I carry is the equivalent of the thoughts that have no way out. The boulders nudged in my chest are a testament to all the emotions life has handed to me from the day I was aware of who I was or wanted to be.

[doseofnohemy]

Yoga Van Gogh

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September 10th 2022