Dick : *walking into Wayne manor*
Dick : *hears laughter coming from the living room*
Dick : *finds Jason and Roy laughing it up on the couch*
Dick : *takes into account the two bottles of Tequila on the coffee table and variously colored shot glasses*
Jason : AYE ! LOOK WHO’S BACK ! IT’S SEXY ASS !
Roy : HEEEY ! MR.SEXY ASS !
Dick : *rolling his eyes* that’s Mr.Sexy Ass Officer to you two
Jason : daaaamn girl, kinky
Roy : *holding his wrists out* officer, i’ve been naughty as hell. please. cuff me then ride the shit out of me
Jason : *laughing too hard*
Dick : I’m gonna ask again. where’s Bruce. doesn’t this sort of drunken party usually happen hidden away in the Lounge Room ?
Jason : *head lolling back* yeeeaaah but B is outta Gotham for a few days, an’ Alfred ain’t around, he’s on vacay visitin’ some folks er some shit. soooooo, I mean damn, why not bring the “drunken party” to the livin’ room?
Jason : *takes another shot*
Jason : *glares at Dick* AND I AIN’T FUCKIN’ DRUNK for yer info ! I’m tipsy. NOT drunk. I can handle my liquor
Dick : god. i don’t wanna drink with you dumbasses, who knows what i’ll be roped into....but it has been a stressful week, and, i feel the peer pressure
Dick : *taking a seat across from them*
Jason & Roy : *cheering happily*
Jason : *pours Dick a shot* here ya go, Luscious
Roy : *already holding out another for him* here ya go again, Tasty Vixen
Dick : whoa, already again ??? I haven’t even recovered from the first shot ! slow down shit
Dick : no. I’m just not an avid drinker like you two
Roy : *nudging the shot impatiently towards Dick*
Jason : *holding up another*
Dick : shit. stop. what are you trying to get me wasted or something ?
Jason : *sarcastically* noooo baby, I’d never do that to yoooou. especially with Roy here. what ever on EARTH would we dooo ?? a THREEsome ??? ewwww. . . .
Roy : *just as sarcastically* OMG ! groooosssss. . .
Dick : get me lit enough and it just might happen
Jason & Roy : *hopeful little puppies clumsily pouring more shots for Dick*
Dick : NO ! STOP ! I WAS KIDDING !!
Roy : don’t just go messin’ with my soul like that baby
Jason : yeah. shit, doll. got a mother fucker all excited’n shit....damn.
Dick : hm. sounds like a personal problem to me
Jason : *stares offensively for a second before sitting back dramatically and crossing his leg*
Dick : *sensing some bullshit coming along*
Jason : got a question for ya, sweetcheeks
Dick : oh yeah ? and what’s that ?
Jason : why you not lemme smash ??
Dick : excuse me. but what ?
Jason : why you won’t lemme hit it an quit it ???
Jason : ejaculate and evacuate, rock your box and then change the locks, shoot my jizz and then out I is-
Dick : yeah yeah I fucking GET it !
Jason : then if ya get it, darlin’ *leans forward* why haven’t ya lemme in ??
Dick : excuse yourself but i’m not just some item on a shelf. you can’t just casually pick me up and then take me home. I get to chose who I sleep with as well, and let me tell you something, I don’t just choose anyone
Jason : oh really ? ‘cause I can name at LEAST 6 son’s’a bitches that don’t even PAAAAAAAASS grade A fuckin’ rank in my books
Jason : NUMBER 1; SLADE Yes I Kill For Pleasure WILSON !!! NUMBER 2; WALLY Horny Ass Air Head WEST !!! NUMBER 3; BRUCE I’m A Brooding Janus-Faced Crackpot With Unresolved Emotional Instability Who Likes to Put Boys In Green Panties And Then Send Them To Their Deaths WAYNE-!!!
Dick : *blushing* OH. MY. GOD. that’s enough Jason. shut up
Jason : *smug as hell* now tha’s what I thought
Roy : whoawhoawhoa 👐 hold the fuck up. you fuckin’ The Bat ?? for real for realz ?
Dick : that’s none of your business
Jason : sure as fuckin’ HELL was MY god damned business every fuckin’ night I heard that headboard hittin’ the wall in B’s room with ya sobbin’ his name like--
Dick : --okaysoumYEAH !! NEXT conversation PLEASE !
Jason : considering the fact that YOU have suuuuch poor selection in dudes....imma ask again *sexy smirk*....why you not lemme smash ??
Roy : yeah dude; knick knack patty whack let my man bone
Dick : *pours himself another shot*
Dick : *grabs both bottles of Tequila*
Dick : mkay, this parties been officially canceled due to apparent derangement
Jason & Roy : *exchanging glances*
Jason : *gets up and casually saunters after Dick*
Roy : *gets up and casually saunters after Jason*
Dick : *upstairs* OH MY GOD GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM YOU WEIRDOS I’M TRYING TO CHANGE !!!!
Jason & Roy : *getting their drunk asses thrown the fuck out of Dick’s room*
Roy : shit, he really knows how to tease a guy
Roy : ‘an he took our Tequila
Jason : baby boy really knows how ta hurt a brotha too
Jason : *turns to pound on Dick’s closed door* YER BREAKIN’ MAH HEART, BABY !!
Roy : *starts singing Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart*
Damian : *comes out of his room at the opposite end of the hallway*
Damian : *starts throwing hangers at Jason and Roy*
Jason : DIIIICKIIIIE !! OPEN UP !! WE FORMALLY REQUEST SANCTUARY !!
Roy : YES ! AND WE SWEAR THAT WE WONT TRY AN’ FUCK YOU !
Jason : *looks blankly at Roy*
Jason : . . . .speak for yourself
Damian : *coming at them with a sword and Titus hot on his heels as back up and noble steed* you immmoRAL BASTARDS BETTER KEEP THE FUCK AWAY FROM GRAYSON !!
Jason & Roy : AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH--!!!
Damian : LAY A FINGER ON HIM AND YOU ARE DEAD ! DO YOU HEAR ME ?! D-E-A-D !
Dick : *laying across his bed with his earphones in/sipping Tequila and catching up on Real Housewives*
Dick : Sabrina, you bitch, stop being friends with Kathy, she’s obviously moving in on your hot ass husband; gawd....
