An +18 dsmp server based on the nuke finale where everyone got reset! We were promised a season 2 and while that may not come due to most creators being shitty people, we want to do it ourselves!
Though thats not all we'll do! As time goes on we'll likely branch out into different au ideas! We also love doing quiz nights! (Where we take quizzes and answer them for the current character we are playing!) And game nights where we just play together outside of the smp!
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Some people think that your take on c!Tommy having aspd is dehumanizing and/or stigmatizing aspd because you don't like c!Tommy and therefore are biased and this take is based on hating him or seeing him as pure evil or something. How do you comment on that?
[essay on c!Tommy having ASPD]
Well my initial thought, is - say it to my face or don't say it at all ;P... like I feel like I try to create a safe space to have discussions, like if you disagree with me that's fine, let's talk about it. I'd love to understand why. I wanna know your reasons, I wanna see your evidence, and maybe neither of us change our opinions but maybe we gained some insight or at least understand where the other is coming from more by the end.
Besides that... First I would like to say, I never claimed to be unbiased. In fact I've written multiple essays on the topic of bias and how we all have inherent bias in the dsmp and why that might be. I've even talked about how I am biased and the reasons why that might be. As well as how our inherent bias makes it sometimes hard to have good analysis or discussion.
Secondly, while I do dislike c!Tommy in the same way I also dislike c!Quackity and c!Wilbur, I don't think I have ever reduced them to pure evil or dehumanized them or at least I have not intended to do so. They are very complicated characters, who are people and I hope that while I have talked about them not having empathy, I haven't reduced them to just evil. Especially in regards to Tommy, who I have somehow talked a lot about, I feel like I have covered a lot of other facets of him then just noting him as a sociopath or having ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder). In addition, for Tommy I have used sociopathy to note how his behavior isn't inherently malicious. I don't think he is trying to just go out and hurt people, but instead I think he does things without the consideration for other people because he lacks empathy. (Besides c!Quackity's confessed sadism) I don't think there are really any characters in the dsmp out to just hurt people on purpose, for the sake of hurting them. I think instead, some characters seem to do things for their own benefit and themselves without any thoughts for other people and any remorse for the hurt they cause. This does not make them any less of a person, but also certainly isn't going to pull any sympathy from me if they themselves don't have any...
Anyways, now about ASPD, I may be far from an expert and certainly don't personally struggle with it. However, I did have conversations about it with three different therapists including my grandfather who worked with people who needed someone bilingual, my sister in law who works a lot with couples and people recovering from substance abuse, and my own well accomplished therapist. Also, in addition to doing my own research looking at reputable sources, my best friend has a younger brother with ASPD. So, I have tried to be knowledgable as I can before talking about it, though it is also a highly complicated diagnosis process that is not agreed upon across the board of psychologists, with many having varying opinions on the matter. Not only with there not being a lot of treatment options, but also a struggle of how to diagnose someone as not having empathy if you are not in their head.
ASPD is very complicated, something I think I have tried to highlight. So much so, that from what I have gathered more recently, it has been confused with other diagnosis such as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Something I actually talked about in my essays about why I think c!dream is autistic [post]. Because for a long time when I was younger, I thought I was a sociopath, but as it turns out I do have empathy it just looks a little different than neurotypical's. And I almost wonder, even though it's not my place or area of knowledge to even say so, if these people coming forward talking about how ASPD and sociopathy can be so dehumanized or stigmatized, if they perhaps might actually have a different diagnosis, because the way I understand it they generally shouldn't care about what other people think of them anyways. And since I came across somebody recently bringing up a diagnosis that isn't even a thing recognized by psychologist [post], I am beginning to wonder how warped the Internet is making our perception of mental illness and diagnosis...
Finally, I would like to also just add, that ASPD is a personality disorder, which as far as I understand it, means it is describing patterns of an individual's thinking and specifically behavior. Therefore it doesn't seem unreasonable or stigmatizing to me to take a character, not a real life person, and the actions that happened in canon and classify them as falling into the pattern of sociopathy/psychopathy/ASPD. Not to say the character then represents ASPD or is what it always looks like, but just that it fits them and helps explain why they did what they did...
warnings: swearing, use of dream's real name
pronouns: they/them, mx.,
words: 1.8k
summary: some hs and band au dream to feed the soul
~-~-~-~-
You're in the middle of English class when you can feel your phone vibrate in your pocket. Cursing under your breath, you quickly try to sneak a glance at your device when the teacher isn't looking.
"Mx. Y/n."
The whole class goes silent. You look up, face bright red with embarrassment.
"Is there something so interesting in your pocket that you needed to distract yourself from my lesson in order to attend to it."
"No, sorry, Ms. Hawthorne." You pull at the edges of your sleeves, a nervous habit of yours. Your friends snicker next to you and you have to bite your lip when Quackity kicks the back of your chair lightly.
The teacher frowns. "Okay. Do not get distracted again, please, or I will have to send you to the principal's office." Your history professor turns around just in time to get away with you rolling your eyes dramatically.
A crumpled ball of paper falls onto your notebook. George subtly points at it, gesturing for you to open it. Wincing at the slight noise, you open the piece of paper. The edges are covered with the little doodles George always occupies himself with. But in the center is a very clear message written in a neat scrawl.
"who tf just messaged you? ur phone is supposed to be on silent"
You scoffed and quickly wrote out a message in reply. "I know, dickhead. it is. but I changed my settings so that his texts go through"
George chuckles quietly to himself after seeing your response. He nudges Sapnap next to him and just barely tilts the paper so the other boy can see. You look over and see them both mouth one thing. "simp."
The rest of the lesson goes smoothly. You gather your stuff to leave when the teacher calls your name again.
"Mx. Y/n."
You freeze, expecting and dreading a punishment for earlier when you turn around, plastering a fake smile on your face. "Yes, Ms. Hawthorne"
"Do you have a few minutes to talk?"
You stare in confusion at your English teacher. "Yes. I don't have anything right after school, so I can talk for a little bit."
She smiles and sits down at her desk at the front of the room, gesturing for you to do the same. Still a little unsure, you sit down, setting your bag on the floor.
"Mx. Y/n, do you happen to know where Mr. Was-Taken happened to be during my class?"
A blush rises to your face and you struggle to respond. "Uh, no."
Your English teacher hums thoughtfully, gently tapping on the surface of her desk. "I know you two are close." She smiles knowingly, twisting the band on her right hand.
"What do you mean, Ms. Hawthorne?" You ask, desperately trying to figure out how she realized the fucking English teacher could decipher whatever complicated relationship you and Clay had.
Ms. Hawthorne laughs, young eyes sparkling with wistful memories. "I had my own high school romance story. It's quite the Disney tale to be honest."
You can't help but laugh. "Really?"
She holds out her hand, displaying a simple gold band around her right index finger. Little etchings of stars sparkle in the odd classroom light. "You have Ms. Moon for math, right?"
Ms. Moon, the kind math teacher who always has a cute story about her fiancé and their adorable pets.
"Yeah, Ms. Moon is amazing."
"I agree." A quiet chuckle as she twists the ring again. "They are my fiancé, after all."
You smile incredulously. "Really?!"
Ms. Hawthorne laughs again. "I'm being serious. You and Mr. Was-Taken have a special bond. I just wish he'd attend my class more." A thoughtful look. "That boy is a talented poet."
You rub the back of your neck nervously. "Clay writes some good songs, too. He plays them all of the time."
You get up to leave after a moment, but you are paused once again. "Mx. Y/n." A sheet of paper is slid across the desk. "Mr. Was-Taken's homework. And, you might want to let him copy off of your notes.
Ms. Hawthorne smiles one more time before she gets up, letting you go. The bell finally rings and you run out with the rest of your class, finally whipping out your phone to check the message Clay had sent during English.
"my house :)"
You scoff, that lovesick smile already rising to your face. "I was in English class, idiot"
You quickly type out the message and send it back, already running to get your bike. Not surprisingly, your friends are already waiting for you, bikes in hand.
Sapnap notices you first. "Y/n! Where were you?"
You wave sheepishly, hastily unlocking your bike and swinging a leg up just as everyone else does the same. "Ms. Hawthorne held be back because she wanted to talk to me about Clay's homework and stuff."
"'Stuff'?" Karl asks, pushing up the sleeves of his oversized hoodie so he can hold the handlebars.
George pushes off first. "What kind of 'stuff' are we talking about, Y/n?"
Quackity laughs, chiming in with a fake accent, "Do tell."
You wish desperately to not have to answer. "She said that she noticed some kind of special connection between Clay and I. Some shit like that." You shrugged as you and the rest of your friends rode away from the school.
Sapnap barks a laugh. "Didn't we all tell you how obvious it was?"
And as much as he and George seem to have a rivalry, the always-sleepy brunet laughs in agreement. "You two are always flirting. It's getting sort of gross now."
The rest of the bike ride is calm. Everyone else goes off to their houses and soon it's just you, pedaling to yours. Which happens to be right next to Clay's.
You walk your bike behind your house before walking into Clay's yard. "Clay!" you call, still carrying your heavy backpack. "Where are you?"
"Here!" comes the yell before he drops down from above. From the Treehouse.
His three chains clank together when he lands, blond hair (with the fading green tips) flopping over his eyes. "Hey, Y/n!" He smiles wide, waving you over to the base of the tree where the ladder planks were nailed in years ago.
"How was school?"
You move to flick his forehead, but he gracefully moves out of the way, quickly climbing the ladder up to the treehouse. You call up after him, "You'd know if you actually went!" But he's already at the top, sitting on a branch.
You yelp in surprise when he hooks his knees around the branch and falls backwards, hanging upside down in front of your face. His green eyes sparkle and soft hair hangs above his head as he flips you off with a cocky smile.
You stick your tongue out at him before climbing the ladder as well, trying to shove away the blush on your cheeks and the butterflies going crazy in your stomach.
Clay, the quick bastard, is already getting his fingers set on the head of his green electric guitar. The one he painted himself - with you there as well, of course.
"Besides," he adds on. "I have more time to write songs, anyway." With a soft smile that makes your stomach do flips, he give the guitar a test strum. And you can't help the way the corners of your lips twist upward at the beautiful sound.
You don't notice the way his face heats up when he sees your expression. "Y/n?"
Both of your eyes meet. It takes a lot of strength not to look away.
"Do you want to try playing for a bit?"
You take a look at the guitar he's holding out to you, think about the beautiful songs he plays, and the fact that you're not used to such and instrument.
"I like hearing you play a lot more."
That time, you notice the wild blush making his freckles stand out even more.
"I- okay." He stammers, trying to regain his composure. "Well then... here's my newest work-in-progress song. I call it 'Tuned Into You'."
Now you're both blushing wildly. But you bring your backpack forward onto your lap so you can lean forward comfortably, admiring Clay as he begins to strum the guitar.
The lyrics. They're beautiful. Complex and painfully simple at the same time. Falling in love and hiding it. Feeling free and having to clip your wings. But always finding that one person to love. The one person you can always face with a genuine smile.
But you're a rose
in a world of daisies, he sings softly.
And I'll always pick you first.
If only you knew
how far I've fallen
I'm just tuned into you
When he finally finishes the song, his face is bright red. Emerald eyes sparkling with something that makes your heart flip.
You open your mouth to speak but he quickly rushes to pull something out of his guitar case. You peek over his shoulder in curiosity, hoping to get a glimpse.
But only when it's in your hand do you see what it is. "A pin," you breathe, taking note of the dried rose petal that's been carefully set into the pin's front.
Clay runs a hand through his hair, tousling the blond strands and faded green ends. "Remember that random rose bush we found behind our houses last year?"
Your heart melts with recognition. "No fucking way you saved that flower."
"As if you didn't," he shoots back smugly. "It's pressed into the inside cover of your journal. I remember you showed me the day after you glued it in."
You pin the button onto the front pocked of your backpack, smiling with him when you sit back and admire the way it looks. "Perfect!" you exclaim.
"Like you," both of you say in unison, looking the other in the eyes.
A heartbeat of silence. And then laughter. Harmonious and joyful. The sound of high school puppy love. Your faces are still bright with happiness when laughter finally subsides.
"I guess that's figured out then," he remarks with a grin.
The warmest feeling of love filling up your chest, you grin back. "It is, Lover Boy."
He takes your hand in his, black and neon green nails contrasting against his and your skin. He presses a gentle kiss to the back of your hand.
"About time you had the guts to call me that."
~-~-~-~-
Only Ms. Hawthorne and Ms. Moon noticed how something new had been drawn on Clay's guitar. Underneath the simple smile he had drawn was a rose.
But when the fiancé's saw the rose pin on Y/n's backpack, they shared a knowing smile.
