If you don't want it to be a secret, don't make it a secret! As an adult, you're free to approach family and have adult conversations about your wants. You can tell them you respect them, & so want to involve them in a decision, explain your feelings about why you want tattoos, tell them about how the time-sensitive availability of the artists is affecting your decision, and say you'd truly appreciate family support. You can show pictures of the artists' work to reassure about what you want too.
Sometimes parents are nervous about this kind of thing because they don't know what to expect from it, what long-term effect it will have on their child. If you can show them you have put deep thought, consideration, and responsibility into your decision, this can sometimes soften resistance. And being shown images of the kind of thing you want can help them to see it will be okay. It may take time for them to think about it, but your honesty and sincerity of purpose will likely be remembered. Also, it is your body, so you are within your rights to say, "I respect and love you so much, and I care about the way you think of me, but this is important to me. I would prefer to do this with your support, but I know myself, and I know this is right for me, too."
I think that is a really fair approach, Dusty! I love your feedback, I love the values behind them, but I will say … my family will not be rational about it. I’ve explained the tattoo idea to them, even, which is (ironically) meant to represent the matriarchs in my family and they genuinely aren’t swayed and when I asked if they judged me if I would get a tattoo even outside of the house, they said yes. I think …….the idea that I can include them in this decision is forfeited by their unwillingness to see beyond their vantage point. It’ll have to be more of a thing like: I made this choice and whether or not you like it is not my problem. However, things get messy when it comes to living with them and doing this- because that’s where I feel i owe them something, maybe Adopted Kid Guilt or something. I pay bills in our house. I raised their kids. But … I think recently, I had a conversation with my mother where I realized very painfully that her capacity to empathize with me does not supersede her attachment to perceived insult or indignation. I think that if I did this in my home and they found out- well, I can see them telling me to leave the house, if they’re angry enough. And I can see, without any doubt, this being used against me and both of my parents treating me resentfully for a long time. Whew. It’s rough stuff, man. The apartments I’ve applied to housing for cannot possibly reach back to me soon enough, Dusty, my love.
