heya! Just remembered that angst tired fic you did and I was wondering, how would Tord be after a breakup from his personal view? Like would he still hold grudges even when he becomes Red Leader? Does he accept it or feel guilty? (Also no pressure in doing this request since I remember I made another one before, the interviewer one,) 🐉✨
hi i know you sent this like 3 months ago but i'm literally just getting back to writing again IM SO SORRY... but this is really interesting for me to think about. i think Tord has a tendency to hide his emotions from other people, even those that he is closest with, including his partner. so I think when he breaks up with reader, whatever the reason may be, he tries to conceal his emotions from everyone. even himself.
so I think he tries to lie to himself, saying that he doesn't miss them, that they were the one in the wrong, etc. he turns all his sadness and guilt into anger and hatred toward the reader, and this manifests itself in a grudge he will carry against the reader for the rest of his life.
then when he becomes Red Leader, in my mind, Tord is much more angry, stressed, due to all his emotions he has hid over the years building up with no outlet. and he believes that he must appear "tough" in front of everyone and never show emotions. so I think that as Red Leader, he would still hold the anger he's had towards the reader, maybe even more than he did when they had first broken up, because he has convinced himself that he hates them.
however. deep down inside. I KNOW. that Tord still misses them, and still loves them, and knows that he could never truly hate them. but he does not want to show weakness, or admit that he did things wrong, or open up about his emotions. so he will keep that hidden inside, with the reader maybe never truly knowing how he loves them, believing that he hates them.
not sure if this makes sense it's kind of a ramble lol. again im so sorry for not answering and im sorry to all the other people i havent answered I WILL GET AROUND TO IT I PROMISE!!! LOV U ALL
another wtfuture flipnote! wtfuture is literally crack to me
it’s lowkey more of a storyboard, but let’s pretend it’s fully animated at 8 fps! :P
[6-1-25]
i thought it’d be cool to focus on red leader and his inner turmoil over his choices and actions, as well as their subsequent consequences from the rebellion..
ive seen a lot of hcs for why future edd lost his silliness soo, here have mine
//tw for just being a generally, incredibly upsetting angst dump. semi detailed gore descriptions, and potentially triggering descriptions of ptsd. (heavy on that last one)
so, matt's jaw thing right? and his eye thing. no clue what happened there, but I like to imagine it was one of the most horrific things that edd ever witnessed
whatever it was that caused matt to lose his jaw and one of his eyes—it must've been pretty brutal. definitely gorey. imagine seeing your best friend like that. and you don't even know if he's alive at first, because he's probably passed out from the pain and unresponsive.
matt, the really stupid, really silly one. he has a super cute smile that edd would throw himself in front of a train to protect. seeing tord punch him in the face was bad enough, he looked so small afterwards. he barely looks alive here. do you think what haunts edd is what he saw? or maybe how he couldn't move for a few seconds because he was in shock, or maybe it was tom's horrified screams when he stumbled upon matt aswell? maybe that's why future tom is so robotic like, personality wise. every emotion was forcefully ripped out of him the day that he thought matt was not coming back. that the last thing he remembered of matt would not be his purple hoodie or his green overcoat but dark red blood splattered where his face should be.
and then matt not returning to normal. staring off into space for months even after he made a full recovery because his face is ruined, he doesnt recognize himself in the mirror and that moment, that pain and that fear he felt in that moment where he lost his jaw and his eye is something that's permanent in his brain forever now because it doesn't end when he recovers.
and edd—who always tries his best to fix everything can't fix this. nothing he does makes matt feel safe again, nothing he does makes the night terrors go away, nothing he does can bring his friend's smile back.
and that's were the eyebags come from. he barely sleeps anymore. scared that the same thing might happen again, to matt or even tom. replaying the days when everything didn't fucking suck over and over.
so was it really cola being banned that made him try to kill his past self? or was it the smell of blood that never fades, even after matt's recovery because the smell was so sickening that his brain won't let him forget it even when it's gone?
A piece I made for my fanfic "Paliperidone"!! You can read it here!! or click more on this post
"Paliperidone"
It was stormy nights like this that left Edd restless. Tossing and turning in his bed, trying to put his racing mind at peace as the booming sounds of thunder ensued. The hard pitter-patter of the rain came pouring down ever so violently, making a white noise that most people found comforting. But for him? It was what kept him up so badly at night.
It was nights like these that always made his thoughts race. The raging sound of the storm reminded him of the aftermath of the incident. The rumbling sounds of the storm sounded oh so similar to the explosions that emanated from the giant robot after Tom had launched that good-for-nothing harpoon that proved itself useful, the sounds of muffled rain outside his apartment sounding almost as reminiscent of the sound of the debris from said robot that came crashing down, scattering from each other as it fell. And the worst part? It made him think of when Tord came back to them, back to him.
He couldn't help but lay awake that night, his eyes so concentrated on staring at the ceiling as if there was anything worth looking at on it as his restless mind thought of that fucking traitor. The traitor that he still cared about, the one that he still worries for. Edd wonders what his life is like now, how he thinks of Tom for almost killing him, of Matt who overloaded his robot's system with his button mashing, of his self who genuinely cared so much, who wanted him back so badly... and for also joining in the button mashing with Matt.
He hated every thought that correlated to Tord, but it was something he just couldn't help. He felt so betrayed by himself for thinking that he finally moved on, finally didn't care, finally didn't yearn for that bastard. But tonight? It was as if he was back to square one, learning how to let go and move on. It made him feel so fucking awful, deep to his core. Because why? Why would he want to worry about someone who hurt his friends? Someone who hurt and betrayed him, with a ruthless smile on his face as he flew away into the sky? Someone who left almost everything he loved into a pile of rubble and dust, and killed the only tolerable neighbor that he had?
These questions were so unanswerable to him, that no matter how much he tried, he was only ever left more and more clueless. And even when he thought of an answer that was good enough to explain it all, it only made him feel sick. So he concluded that no answer would ever suffice. Eventually, on another stormy night, he'll find himself asking the same set of questions over and over again like a broken record player- feeling sick time and time again as he reaches yet another false conclusion.
Then a different kind of thought surged through, one that questioned all the things he wanted to come true. What if Tord came back to him for good and never left? What if he never made that giant robot in the first place, so that he had no reason to come back and leave him more broken than he ever was? What if they just...lived happily ever after? All together in one house having silly adventures and getting into all sorts of trouble? Edd yearned for the good old days and mourned for all the things that never happened.
The more he thought of it all, overanalyzing every bit of Tord's behavior and comparing it to the time when they were together and to the time that he went back, all the memories of them together from the first time they met, to the last time they ever saw each other. The stupid hypothetical questions he still clung to that he hoped would at least come true in another timeline. It made him feel so vulnerable. The tears in his eyes threatened to stream down his cheek, his face burning from the stress.
Edd sobbed his stupid heart out quietly, as the walls that separated him and his friends were thin enough that if he were to cry any louder, one of them would start frantically knocking with worry and annoyance. But then again it didn't matter how quietly he cried, as the rain was loud enough that it drowned out his miserable crying.
After crying for what felt like hours, he was left there sniffling, as small beads of tears formed and rolled down his face now and then. His cheeks were stained with tears that he didn't bother to wipe off as he lay there motionless. Echoes of a headache slowly disappeared, as the thoughts in his head started to ease in and stop. And for once tonight, he was at peace even as the storm violently raged on outside.
...
He then got up from his bed, thinking now was a good time to freshen up and wash the tears off his face. As he walked to the bathroom, he felt an odd wave of anxiety cover over him the closer he got to the bathroom. It made him dread something, but what? An intruder? His apartment was pretty secure, with cameras everywhere and a night guard in the lobby.
So why? Why was his stomach churning, as if swarms of butterflies were flying so violently around in him? He couldn't understand what was happening, why he was feeling like this. The closer he inched to the bathroom, the more anxious he felt.
Merely inches away from the door. He felt queasy, chest heaving and struggling to breath. There was nothing for him to be so nauseous and tense of, he felt that his fears were irrational and he was right. So why was he still feeling this if he knew it wasn't real? A gut feeling perhaps? Maybe his body was warning his mind of something it was yet to notice.
The last time he had a feeling like this was when Tord came back, or at least a couple of hangouts later after he came back... Wait.
Tord???
Tord.
No. It can't be. That's not possible. He was gone and he was never coming back...unless?
...
Unless he came back for him. Yes, yes that's it... He came back to apologize.
To make up for destroying everything. He's here to stay forever.... with him.
...
Yes, that's it. This explains the butterflies...his thoughts. How could he be so blind? This was the missing link! It was Tord! And he was finally back again, the real him.
Edd panicked the longer he stayed there at the door, his head full of thoughts of how this was all gonna go, and how he should react. Should he be happy, sad, or angry? How would Tord react? Would he be happy too? The more he thought of it the more of a wreck he was, shaking, breath ragged, sweating.
He finally reached for the doorknob with his sweaty palm, twisting the knob... he slowly opened it...
He couldn't hear any movement, no breathing. The bathroom was full of eery silence, and it only made Edd more anxious.
Finally gathering the courage to open the door, he swung it open enough for him to have a whole view of the bathroom, and there...
... was nothing.
Edd desperately looked around the bathroom, trying to find anything that was odd. If the shower curtain had moved 3 inches to the left if the window was opened by a little if the toilet seat had always been closed... but nothing
Tord was never there... and he never will be.
He looked to the ground and saw something knocked down on the floor.
It was a translucent orange bottle, his prescription for his schizophrenia.
