Not long ago, I was chatting with a friend at a party, eagerly explaining to him how much he reminded me of someone else I adore. “You’re both slightly effeminate, nerdy, Jewish boys!” I exclaimed to him. My friend paused for a moment. “You know,” he said, “you’re one of the few people who doesn’t mean ‘slightly effeminate’ as an insult.”
In many ways, there’s never been a better time to break, or bend, the gender binary. Trans people have become a fixture in the entertainment landscape, getting nominated for Emmys and even appearing on mainstream shows like Modern Family. Celebrities like Ruby Rose and Miley Cyrus have come out as genderqueer, and New York City officially recognizes 31 different gender identities. Yet even in this landscape, feminine men of all sexual orientations, but especially heterosexual men, are still largely derided. While butch women like Rachel Maddow are seen as serious and professional, men who publicly explore their feminine side—whether through fashion, like Young Thug or Jaden Smith, or through nurturing behavior, like stay-at-home dads—are still viewed as oddities or even freakish provocateurs. Why do we still hew to this double standard?