Sometimes my mind randomly reminds me that Eddie called Buck Evan and it feels like my brain is exploding and I'm getting punched in the throat and the air is being knocked out of me

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Sometimes my mind randomly reminds me that Eddie called Buck Evan and it feels like my brain is exploding and I'm getting punched in the throat and the air is being knocked out of me
Every now and then I remember Oliver said Buck and Eddie are gonna talk about the shooting, like, really talk about it, and I stare into the void for five minutes because my brain refuses to believe it
The song Till Forever Falls Apart makes me batshit crazy I mean if the tide takes California I’m so glad I got to hold ya ??? for a while you were all mine ??? I swear that I’ll be yours forever ‘til forever falls apart ??? god I can’t. I just. can’t. it makes me enfuriatingly sad.
Ohmygod. Ohmygod, Jenna!
What am I supposed to tell her?
I promised that everything would be okay.
No, no, no.
This isn't happening.
It can't be.
This is all my fault. Everything is my fault.