Gods fucking damn it! I masturbated again. I'm constipated whenever I try to go bathroom, but oh no! No, I've always got time for fucking masturbation. I'm annoyed with myself, you know. I'm embarassed, and now I've gotta clean myself off. Gods fucking damn it!
I have heartburn and hemorrhoids and everything, but nothing can stop sexuality. I wish it could. Sometimes I really would prefer to never masturbate, but that's not how it works. Sexuality isn't a choice. I think the failed attempts at conversion therapy by far right evangelicals prove that. If things were a choice, we could argue about it's ethics. But you'd have to admit it'd be easier. I could just flip a switch and mentally deaden myself to these urges.
That's not how this works, though. It'll never be that way outside of some weird fantasy/sci-fi. You've just gotta roll with the hand life deals you. So that's what I do. I've accepted my sexuality. I'm aegosexual, and I'm not going to try and change myself. I'm still going to complain when I'm embarassed, though. I can be afforded that one luxury. I think I can be afforded that much. sigh...
PS: Apparently hemorrhoids come from sitting on the toilet too long. I sit on the toilet for like 20-30 minutes when I masturbate, I think. So is that contributing? Gods, I would hope not.
