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<3
Smoking was something that I absolutely loved but, in the end, it bit me. It was part of the art life for me: the tobacco and the smell of it and lighting things and smoking and going back and sitting back and having a smoke and looking at your work, or thinking about things; nothing like it in this world is so beautiful. Meanwhile, it's killing me. So I had to quit it.
— David Lynch, in Sight and Sound's September 2024 issue.
I smoked two packs of unfiltered Camels a day from about 1966 to 2006. Now I can't walk a block without having to stop to catch my breath.
But I knew it was a very bad idea for the last twenty or so years and didn't quit, so it's on me.
Signs of Emphysema
Signs -- pursed lip breathing -- prolonged expiratory respiratory cycle -- barrel chest -- pigeon chest -- use accessory muscles to breath -- difficulty breathing in -- chronic cough -- thick sputum -- finger clubbing -- diminished breath sounds -- dyspnea upon exhaling
Diagnosing -- abnormal CXR -- sputumn analysis
I know this is a long post but please stick around or jump to the bottom couple paragraphs, it would mean a lot.
Well. I’ve reached a point where I have to put my tail between my legs, put my ego aside, and admit that I’m struggling and reach out for help.
My mom and I are struggling badly financially.
My mom doesn’t work, she has COPD and emphysema, high blood pressure, asthma, hyperthyroidism AND just in the past two weeks had a slight heart attack due to her COPD. She has been in the hospital since Sep. 13th and is still in there. They’ve been having a hard time keeping her oxygen levels up, her blood pressure steady, she can’t pee on her own so she has a constant catheter in. They had her on some steroid that messed her blood sugar up and they now have her on insulin to level that back out but they have to put her back on the steroid after that and we have no idea when she’s going to be able to come home. They keep saying she’s doing okay but… it sure doesn’t seem or sound like it. She can’t even talk on the phone because she doesn’t have the breath to do so. Things keep seeming to go wrong with her, with our finances, and we’re all really scared. My mental health and physical health are both in the toilet from everything going on and I just don’t know what else to do at this point.
I’m her caretaker and I also work a good full time job, but even so, my job is not enough to cover us. She gets a monthly check from social security but it only covers the rent and utilities and now with her paying hospital bills from last year, and soon to be hit with a bill from when she went to the hospital again in July, and her being in the hospital RIGHT NOW she’s gonna be buried in medical debt and it’s come to a point where her check doesn’t cover everything and I now have to pick up the water bill. Which is money I don’t have with all MY debt.
My self, I have over $10,000 of debt from my own hospital trip last year, as well as dental and credit card stuff and now impending doctor and therapy bills. I still have $5352 left to pay off on my hospital bills. I have about $3100 on my credit card that I’ve accumulated from car repairs, tires, paying my state tax and tag renewal for my car which was all money I didn’t have to begin with. Along with not having enough money every paycheck to cover everything I need from groceries, gas in my car to get to and from work, my mom’s diapers, her oxygen tubing, stuff for her bedside commode, her prescriptions and everything else she needs every couple weeks which is all expensive. I still owe $650.19 on my dental bridge I had put on in December 2021 and now I’m getting blasted with doctor bills from after I got out of the hospital last year and therapy bills from the therapy appoints I had after my hospital trip, which my insurance acted like it was covering but it absolutely wasn’t. I’ve only gotten one out of 5 doctor bills and haven’t gotten the therapy bills yet but each one of those is $360 and there’s about five or six of them.
I have a doctor bill due 10/14/2022 for $200 that I can’t currently cover without using my grocery money and then I won’t be able to buy food for us and the cats.
Now all of this wouldn’t be such a huge deal if I thought I had years to pay them off and a stable place to live if something bad happens to my mom, but unfortunately that’s not the case. We pay rent to my sister’s ex husband who is giving my mom a HUGE discount on rent and has a contract from their divorce stating he can’t charger her more than he already is. But. He has stated once she is no longer around he will be selling the house ASAP and I do not have the money to buy the house from him in order to stay living there. With all this debt, I can’t afford to live ANYWHERE because I have a huge car payment every month (still have $7k or more to pay off on my car) and with the bills I pay on my own I can’t afford to pay rent, pay utilities anywhere or even move ANYWHERE. Studio apartments where I live are going for $900 a month. Idk anyone who can afford that right now. So more than likely I’ll be forced to leave my job and move out of state and uproot my entire life.
I have a couple people who have offered me a place to crash if I need, but that requires me getting rid of two out of three of my cats and liquidating everything I own. Which I’ll do if I have to so that I don’t become homeless but right now I. I just don’t know what to do. I’ll probably end up liquidating no matter what I do but I can’t lose my babies.
I can’t physically pick up a second job because being a caretaker for my mom IS a second job and it’s one I don’t get paid to do. My energy is gone. I’m so far into burnout I can barely get up in the mornings. My full time job keeps me physically exhausted (it’s a warehouse job, concrete floors, very physical all day long) and I’m tired. I’m so tired guys.
Literally I need this to get around. Please reblog this. It’s a simple thing that you can do to help. I don’t expect everyone to be able to help financially because we are ALL struggling right now, but a simple reblog could mean that this circulates to the people who could possibly help.
There’s a linktree in my bio that has all the ways people could donate: my PayPal (labeled as a fundraising tip jar, it’s the first link) my Venmo (tip jar button at the top of the linktree, as well as the third link) and my cash app (second link) and I’ll drop the link for the linktree here as well
View Its_leviathan’s Linktree. Listen to their music on Spotify here.
I have not made a gofundme and do not want to make one because the amount of money they take is not only disheartening to the people who need the money, but it’s also bullshit to the people who are putting money towards helping someone and a company is profiting off both parties instead of the full amount going to the person/people who need it.
Hopefully for international people my PayPal will allow donations but if it doesn’t I will try to figure something else out for that.
PLEASE at least take a second to reblog this post, there’s always a way to help outside of donating.
Thank you for sticking through this post and I hope you all are taking care of yourselves the best way you can. Remember that you are worthy, you matter and you are loved. Stay hydrated, take your meds if you need to, eat something and rest.🖤
James Franciscus (January 31, 1934 – July 8, 1991)
He may be best known for his role as Brent in “Beneath the Planet of the Apes). Sadly, the cause of his death is in his hand. Franciscus died of emphysema and the age of 57.