Me, at the beginning of the decade: shy, overachieving lil girl with all of her friends having crushes on boys and that's all they go on about, so one day she decides "i'll have a "crush" on this one guy - he is really smart so we could have interesting conversations" based on weighted benefits of having something to talk about, rather than "feelings" that all her friends mention like all the time but she just doesn't understand
Me, at the end of the decade: still an overachiever studying at a dream uni abroad, travelling the world and... GAY AF, followed The Great Lesbian Migration, wishes to have a gf every minute of every day, loves her gay brother who matched on tinder with her "crush" and can't wait for the day they both are ready to make their family a card with 2 girls and 2 boys holding hands to eventually come out
Selfies from the Beginning, middle, and end of this year. It’s been a rough year but I’m coming back swinging. I started T and am making steps to live as authentically as possible. I’m in a beautiful triad with two people whom I adore to my core and they help me everyday to become the best version of myself that I can be. I’m thankful to make it out of another year alive and I’m gonna keep fighting. #endoftheyear #endofadecade #selfies #trans #queer #polyamorous #progress https://www.instagram.com/p/B5vmp2wAGZLeFis-NVD-bpMzU7gXdtWmQ8LRdQ0/?igshid=pvp2iwbbvf1p
22 things I Value going into 2020!! A Full Moon in Gemini conjunct Venus in Capricorn Exercise.
Tonight is the Full Moon in Gemini. But this post is not about that. I’ve already done my Full moon release rituals. This post is about the moon’s conjunction with Venus. Earlier today I was reading an article emailed to me by Astrograph and they talked a lot about evaluating how our values have changed. Lindsay Mack (tarot for the wild soul) mentioned it in her newsletter as well. How have my values changed? I have some at all that don’t revolve around men, sex, and metal music. So I figured to honor my evolution over the last decade, I’ll just list my values because now I have some worth honoring.
What do I value (Venus in Capricorn)? (in no particular order)
1. I value unconditional love. I value giving it to me (the self); giving it to my family and friends; loved ones; ancestors; and other other-dimensional beings.
2. I value quality time. Spending it with those I love and care about. Spending it with myself.
3. I value integrity. People who are the same no matter the day, time, or situation. There may be slight variations of the self, but this is neither malicious nor untrustworthy; it might be a defense mechanism related to wounds they are working on, but in general, overall, they are the same no matter what.
4. I value Authenticity. Be who you are! Be your genuine self. There is nothing more disappointing than a person who doesn't allow their glow to shine.
5. I value trustworthiness. Can I trust you? Yes? We good!
6. I value honesty. Being honest with others and with myself.
7. I value humor. Being able to laugh at one’s self is a virtue.
8. I value being thoughtful of others, their time, and their needs. Showing consideration for others and their faculties (traumas, wounds, self-care needs, and opinions) is right there next to cleanliness and therefore godliness. You are no better than anyone else. Show everyone respect. Aka I value boundaries.
9. I value raw emotions. They are medicine, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced or witnessed. They can heal lifetimes of trauma and wounds.
10. I value the human will and the capacity to use it. Willingness to improve upon oneself and help others. A willingness to try.
11. I value gratitude. The ability to accept a compliment and just say “thank you” is magic that I’ve only recently discovered and began to work with. Witnessing gratitude and expressing gratitude for the most mundane things is a beautiful sight to see and I adore it.
12. I value modesty. I feel this value goes hand in hand with gratitude. For gratitude is a form of modesty.
13. I value raw wildness. Unabashed and unrestricted existence. This can come in the form of sexuality (which is my favorite), sensuality (which I am still learning), emotions (in either direction), and most important of all, creativity. Wild creativity is a fire unlike any other and it is gorgeous on a person.
14. I value sincerity. Honesty and trustworthiness’ little sister. Insincerity smells like rot and it can be obvious.
15. I value effort.
16. I value curiosity. Not to be confused with nosiness. Curiosity perpetuates soul evolution. Nosiness perpetuates distrust and gossip.
17. I value struggle and the human condition. These things are unavoidable and some struggle more than others to the point of suffering. This becomes part of them. In order to value a person, you have to value all of them. Even their struggle.
18. I value the Ego...because for many people, Ego is the only boundaries they have; the only defense they know against pain and suffering.
19. I value the Soul...you can’t value the Ego without the soul. They are intertwined, yet separate. They are the essence of human beings. To value humanity is to value the Soul.
20. I value community. Supportive community tethered together by unconditional love and likemindedness.
21. I value free thought and the freedom to express it. You can’t have one without the other, in my opinion.
22. I value Mystery and all her glorious and chaotic wonder.
Last month in my twenties. Does it change anything? No. Does it matter? Yes. Why? I don’t know. Maybe because I have this idea that a girl will have most definitely disappeared into a women. It probably happened a long time ago. And just because I still don’t know what I am doing, does not mean it hasn’t already happened.
It’s also a potential marker, where you thought you’d be by this time and what you’d have accomplished. Not according to anyone else, but according your teenage diary.
Let’s do a small recap. Coming from a more mature person on Forbes.com, who unlike me is at peace with leaving the decade behind.
Things that you should have done in your twenties:
Start taking care of yourself.
Yep, a big check for that one. I think the last time I was being stupid eating like pig and not paying attention to sports was left behind sometimes in the year 2010. And when I look at the photos from 2009, I think I looked better in the 9th month of pregnancy. If you are not going to take care of yourself who will? It’s the best investment. Skin, body, mind. Buy that oil, book the yoga class, go for that run, take the time to journal, cook for yourself. Forget about packaged foods and then it’s ok to drink the gin every now and then.
Allowing yourself to feel lost.
Boy I wish I did that. Unfortunately I was always a girl with a plan. I am just really thanking my former self that once the plan was: to travel, take great photos, hike the mountains, see the carnival, taste the local beer in every country. I think this is as close to being lost as I have come to. If anything I am more lost as a parent than as was in my early twenties.
Dreams require sacrifice.
Apparently I should have learned that dreams require sacrifice. I would sacrifice a young virgin if I knew what my dreams were. I should have figured out my purpose in my twenties, but I guess it will have to be the thirties or the forties, but please let me find out before I am fifty.
Stop caring what people think.
Most likely they are not thinking about you anyway. This is a tough one. I think I have gone through periods in life where I was so high (metaphorically), I couldn’t care less what others thought, but I also voiced some opinions so stupid that my present self is judging my former self. Ultimately I never stopped caring what others thought. Especially the “others’’ that don’t really think anything at all. I did do some solid, solid work in this area in the last two years. Especially because I struggled to write about and share anything parenthood related, except for some cute photos. Even when writing used to be my favourite thing in the world. This was purely because that none of my high school or university friends have kids yet and I just didn’t want to be “the mother”. It took me a while to realise that it’s ok to share whatever feels right. I still care what people think, but at least I don’t let it define or change what I do. Well mostly.
Embrace failure.
No. I don’t think I ever will. J.K.Rowling might have been on welfare once, but she has loads more talent than I do soooo… I guess my move to Italy was a bit of a fail, but the result was such a success, so I am not keen to count that as a failure. Maybe that’s something I might have to experience in this decade then, after I figure out the purpose, then I will sacrifice something, possibly fail before I succeed, it just sounds a lot more daunting when you’ve had family.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
I wish I worked on this throughout my twenties. I don’t just compare myself to others, I would compare to someone who is the most amazing mother when it comes to motherly things. I will compare my career and the money I make to single girls living in the capitals of Europe, my yoga skills to someone for whom it’s a full time job and who’s gone to gymnastics since the age of five, my looks to girls of Instagram and happiness to online gurus and coaches. In the end it all comes down to one thing only: Are you happy?
Don’t make excuses, apologise.
Yep. I know when to admit I was wrong. Check for this one.
Things don’t workout for a reason.
But sometimes the reason is that you are an idiot.
Invest in experiences, not things.
From the bottom of my heart, I can sincerely say this was my motto throughout my twenties. Apart from my Fiat500, I have spent all my money on travels, gym, food, good wine and just enjoying life. Before landing the love of my life, I had nothing because the very last money I have saved, I have spent on moving all of my things back from Italy, visa and a one way ticket to the land down under. It’s good that it only took me a week to find a job. Only towards the late twenties, I have started to invest some of the hard earned cash on things like architectural studies for our future home. Looking forward to that btw.
Start saving money ASAP.
Well I always did, but then I went on holidays. No regrets, you can always make money, but I probably won’t backpack through Bolivia again.
Your friends will change.
It’s true. You are not meant to spend a lifetime with everyone, some people just come to enrich part of your life and then they disappear. Hurting your arms trying to hold on to them is not worth it. Then there are the kind of friend who used to come to your home after school to take afternoon naps in your single bed. Those are here to stay.
Time is your most precious resource.
As a person who rarely does something she really doesn’t want to, I have been aware of this eternal truth since I was a kid.
Know you are enough.
Ok I am sorry but Frances Bridges what a load of bullshit you wrote in this paragraph: as long as you know you are on the right path to realise your potential and your dreams, you know you are enough? How the fuck are you supposed to know that? So you are enough only when you are doing all the right things? No you are enough just when you are trying to be a kind person. That’s all.
Love yourself.
Ok, I do. Even as a thirty year old, which let’s be honest is probably a tiny bit better than me at the age of twenty.
One thing I wish I knew a little bit earlier: from one day to another rollercoaster will no longer be fun, but they will just make you sick, at least I would have enjoyed that last ride.
🌟 It was the end of a decade… but the start of an age 🌟
If I’m pressured to pick a favorite album, I will always choose Speak Now. My favorite songs of Taylor’s on her other albums are always the ones she wrote entirely herself. So an entire album written by only Taylor is exactly what I love. Speak Now was the first Taylor concert I went to, and the album came out my senior year of high school and it was just at the perfect time for me. Listening to the music then was so special and listening to it now just takes me back in time to being 17.
