For context this recipe features a guest appearance by my cat. His name is Seamus (or Shameless when he wakes me before 6am) and he's 12. He's a cranky old man yelling at me to get off his lawn, when it is in fact my lawn.
Cat not necessary to make this recipe.
So. We've all had those moments when you look in the cupboard, see a few ingredients that have no business going together and think: "Well, shit."
This is an old recipe I devised in university and still make to this day.
1x can tuna - in brine or water instead of oil because your cardiologist is out golfing.
1x big pinch of parsley - dry like my jokes will work, but if you can do a fresh bunch that'd be awesome.
A little oil in a pan for frying
Open can of tuna, and immediately regret it as gross fish water spills over your hand. Decide that this is one of the many many disappointments you've had in your day and it does not matter.
Hear cat belligerently meow next to you because the little shit heard a can opening. Tell cat you're literally in the middle of cooking and that he ate a few minutes ago. Get ignored by increasingly hostile cat who doubles down on the volume. Loudly shush him. Realise the meowing has stopped but that he is now looking at you with narrowed eyes as if plotting some misdeed.
Chop onions finely while listening to Unchained Melody and pretend Patrick Swayze has his arms around you and is holding the knife and lovingly chopping with you. Cry a little harder than strictly necessary because, damn, that was a good movie.
Boil potato on the stove in some water, or pop it in the microwave. If you do the latter, please prick it several times with a fork so you don't nuke the inside of your appliance.
Into a bowl, add chopped onion, drained tuna, egg and mashed potato together and mix with fork. Season with salt and pepper.
Have fork halfway to your mouth before you realise you can't taste for seasoning because raw egg.
Chop parsley finely and add to mix. Shape into small patties and fry off until fully cooked, golden brown on each side.
Enjoy with a little mayo dip!