so i’m rereading acowar and it’s at the part where feyre sees elain and az and wondering if the cauldren could make mistakes in putting people who don’t belong together as mates. disregarding the can of worms w elain’s mate, i had thought of another fanfic idea that i will never fully flesh out and write.
but basically it’s a nessian angst. where nesta still thinks about the concepts of mates and essentially not having any choice and regardless of how she really feels about cassian, she’ll still choose him bc of the bond. anyway, w that in mind, she comes across this witch while out across illyria to save this other women who had requested their highlord’s help. she and az go on behalf of rhys. nesta doesnt know she’s a witch, but the witch basically gets nes to talk about something she really desires. at this point nesta has everything. elain and feyre are happy and she’s happy with cas. gwyn and emerie are also content and the valkyries are growing in both size and strength. sometimes though she just has that anxiety over the fact that she didn’t choose cassian and neither he chose her. they were chosen for each other. so then after making sure the witch is safe, she reconvenes with cassian but she feels dizzy and lightheaded and she blacks out.
then she feels cold, darkness, and the void. she’s back in the cauldren. she thinks it’s a nightmare, she stills her mind, she hears muffled sounds, but she focuses on her body, on her senses. she thinks that everything feels too real, too detailed, to be a dream. she’s then pulled out. out of the cauldren and she sees the scene back when she was made. back to the worst days of her life. but it felt different. felt like something was missing. she has this terrible feeling in her gut. she sees elain on the ground, lucien hovering. feyre crying out. the horrible, wretched, mortal queens watching with wicked smiles. she sees cassian, his wings. her heart lurches but it feels feint. like it only lurches in memory. she calls out to him and he tries to go to her. he can’t. something is wrong. something has gone terribly wrong.
this isn’t a dream. this is real. this is reality. she was too focused to trying to get out of the “nightmare”, too focused on calming herself that she didn’t take from the cauldren. she didn’t have her death powers. her silver flames were still inside the cauldren. as if sensing what she realized, the cauldren did something, she passed out.
she wakes up in the house of wind, in her room. she tries to talk to the house, no answer. rhys and mor visit, saying there’s food. reluctantly she goes if only to see cassian. cassian, who’s wings had been badly hurt, cassian her mate, cassian who had always been her friend, the one who would help her through whatever this is. something is different, she is different, and not just that she’d recently been turned fae. she helps him recover, to everyone’s utter surprise. she actually becomes helpful. she seeks goes to the library, seeks out gwynn but in increments as to not freak her out. she also find emerie. she just wants her friends. even though at this point they weren’t. she didn’t even have the house. while cassian recovers, she trains with him. she helps elain. who is also different this time around. nesta thinks elain knows that this isn’t where nesta is supposed to be.
one of the more important part though is that despite his flirtatious advances, nesta doesn’t feel the bond. they are not mates. they werent chosen for each other. she is less mean to him this time around though. occasionally flirting back, to his utter surprise, but still having that banter. she has her memories of them being mates. she thinks this time they are not, but she’s okay being with him despite it. when feyre gets back from destroying the spring court, and they go to the high lord meeting. nesta meets eris.
and oh boy she definitely felt that mating bond. she wasn’t as oblivious this time around. wasn’t as avoidant in the original timeline. he feels it too but is reluctant, not thinking too much of it, knows not to hope. she ignores him regardless because she knows him. knows how horrible and wretched he is. she thinks it is better to avoid and hope to never see him again. until rhys and feyre need eris. elain mentions her dancing abilities, and her ability to woo and make any guy fall for her through the dance floor. they persuade nesta to get eris to fold. she really doesn’t want to but knows how the story will unfold. they do need him.
she meets eris again. there’s no denying of the bond. her body yearns for him and it makes her sick. why tf is she mated to this fucker. she gets not having the death powers bc she was preoccupied while in the cauldren, but it had chosen nesta and cassian first. it was cas and nes, not nesta and eris, how is it that mates can change? in their first dance, eris has decided she is going back with him to the autumn court. one way or another, today or next year. he doesn’t care how long it’s going to take, whatever it’s going to take but he will do whatever to be with his mate. even if that includes betraying his father and teaming up with the night court losers.
in the sidelines, cassian is having a panic attack. he watches them dancing. everyone else had stopped to watch them. noticing how perfectly they seemed to fit together, how her blue flames swirl with his red, how the way he looks at her as if she was the sun moon and stars. how she doesn’t seem to hate him despite telling her what cas knows. he wants to stop them, he’s not thinking and his body takes him to them. he hears rhys, ordering him to stop. cassian doesn’t. but seconds later, a few feet before them, his body stops walking. rhys is using his powers to physically stop cassian from reaching them. the music stops and cassian can move. he goes to interrupt the two. despite not wanting to, eris gives her to him.
eris talks to rhys. nesta and cassian talk. he’s nervous. super fucking nervous. he makes small talk. something about the hor d’oeuvres. she gives him this one last dance. cassian barely keeping up. afterwards, she takes him someplace not too crowded but still in the room.
she tells cassian, eris is his mate. she can feel it. and so can he. cassian’s face is solid, but his eyes well up.
yeah so angst central right. things happen. nesta feels obligated to stay with eris. despite wanting a choice. against her better judgement. against her instincts. she gives eris a chance. only bc he lets her stay in the house of wind for a while. eris fucking hates cassian and vice versa, but eris knows if he picks a fight, he’ll lose her. so he plays good guy. he tells nesta of his plan to get rid of his father so the autumn highlord title goes to him. but he needs help. even wo her death powers nesta’s pretty powerful. instead of the silver freezing and deathly flames. the cauldron had originally granted her blue flames that burn hotter than ever. she helps him because honestly fuck the autumn court and also she sees how genuine he is. how his walls came down just for her. how vulnerable he is with her. she’s mean but she isn’t evil. this eris is quite different from the other eris. she think she could be okay with this new reality. things are working out. she feels contented. eris crowns her higady of autumn. but she goes back to the house of wind one last time. and she sees cassian.
her world as she knew it just falls apart. he’s wearing his illyrian fighting armor. his siphons seem to glow, calling out for her. his hands into fists at his sides. his eyes filled with yearning. he cocks a smirk, “hello nes”.
and basically then and there she knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to the autumn court. apparently rhys had been ordering him to be scarce when nesta was still wondering if she should choose eris. cassian had been temporarily stationed in windhaven until nesta is officially with the autumn court.
so long story short though, despite eris having this kind of redemption. nesta still chooses cassian. despite the bond, despite what the cauldren decided, she chose cassian. she sees the witch again. and the witch brings her back to the original timeline.
she’s back to being mates with cassian and is content. but then she sees eris still waiting for beron to die and notices something that she had never seen before. something that if she hadn’t gone through what the witch put her through, she would not have seen or even looked for. a feint glimer of a bond. not a broken bond. but a bond that should have been made but was not. nesta considers that while she was in the cauldren, thrashing and pulling and biting, grabbing whatever she could. she may have also erased her original bond with eris and wrote the one with cassian. essentially going back to the idea that before she was even made, she had chosen cassian. and cassian, with his declaration to protect her and her people, had equally chosen her.
