i’m so fucking caffeinemaxxed rn and need to blow that energy off somewhere (haha blow) to actually focus on working so here’s a comprehensive lotm ship rating list. if you have any rare pairs or need further elaboration tell me because this list is definitive and i do not take criticism
leokleinleo - 7/10: a very classical tragic gay yearning pairing, unfortunately hampered by leonard not really being much of a character outside of this context. best when left unrequited. if it was requited however i unfortunately think they would break up after like half a year of will-they-won’t-they
dunndalydunn - 7.5/10: another classical tragic yearning pairing, but straight this time so it’s blander. made somewhat more interesting by than leoklein because they’re both real characters. truth nuke: daly being herself and dunn being himself makes the ship topxtop. if they were real they would be that couple folks on tt would post about saying ‘they’re queer too’
dunnkleindunn - 8/10: the other tragic gay yearning pairing, with the world-changing additions of klein’s latent daddy issues and attachment disorder. the best form of it is in when klein makes up a fantasy of them together and then it shatters in front of him to reveal the reality that dunn was someone he’d never let himself pursue. they did a steven universe fusion as dwanye dantes
azikleinazik - 7.5/10: klein’s latent daddy issues makes a reappearance because really how many times could you grow attached to older male figures to the point of maddening vengeance until people start raising their eyebrows. these two have the most milquetoast, boiled carrot flavored relationship ever because that’s all they’ve ever wanted but will never get. sadly i like my food a little smooth and flavorless so they hit the mark for me
the world needs justice - 5/10: this is like roxygen to me. completely inoffensive, healthy and dynamically balanced but has the vibe of letting two queer people shove their heads in the sand to perform the most heteronormative relationship in existence
hall of truth trio - 8/10: poly solves all folly. what can i say, really? ok but for real though this is just what their counterparts are headed into given enough time. once they get past their own love for the internally idealized versions of eachother it would be a functional relationship. short-term, but functional. they crack eachother’s eggs on accident like two years in and decide to be qpr
earthmoon pair - 6/10: funniest mutually unrequited relationship ever. lilith clearly tried to set these two up and it just never worked out. they live together. they open a company together. the goddess of origin pathways have themes of reproduction. i know she’s pissed the hell off
xioforsxio - 9/10: same energy as best friends who promise to marry eachother if they’re still single in their 30s and yet already live, sleep and cook together. like Okay. fors is deeply mentally unwell about their relationship (and relationships in general) though so i guess it makes sense
blazing world - 7/10: technically implied by the fact that gerhman sparrow fits danitz’s type. they find a way around klein’s discomfort with subjugating others & danitz’s desire to be puppyfied by doing elaborate favor-for-favor rituals that look even more absurd to the outside observer
adventurer duo - 8/10: it feels like just the more energetic version of blazing world at first, but gets a fair bit more interesting once you realized that while they both have complicated feelings about the idea of friendship, klein actually does see anderson as a friend but anderson himself probably doesn’t (especially after what happened with his teammates in vol6) this is made extra fascinating because klein’s attachment issues would have him make a mute puppet of anderson to control in his perfect idyllic town full of other puppets rather than say this to anderson himself
adamson (haha get it. because he was pregna-) - 6.5/10: if you were to get really specific, this would be grishason and not adamson but the story insists on its plot twist so we’ll just stick to this. though in the context of adam’s own relationship with her father this is also a very very interesting dynamic. this is like the precursor to the lumian-grisha-adam relationship in coi if you think about it
magicianduo - 6.5/10: disastrous dynamic. fors’ inability to be normal about this intimate relationship with the figure she’s been idealizing in her head plus klein’s inability to say no to what he thinks is ultimately harmless will doom them. they will crash and burn but by gog will it be fun to watch
hangedworld - 5/10: alger is a character begging to be shoved into situations where he has to confront his issues instead of having them conveniently dodge him but klein “i believe in gentlemanliness” moretti is the worst person for the job. points for having authentically awkward one-on-one conversations where they can’t jell with eachother enough to start anything. very realistic
hangedsun - 7/10: this is like. lotm’s equivalent of the classical shizunchasing relationship present in most danmei cultivation stories. even down to the parental figure bond formed out of loss of biological parents trope. i’m not even saying it was slightly intentional. you just have to recognize that it’s there
edessy - 3/10: this is the flash-in-the-pan relationship you have when you’re a college freshman that ends up in flames and gets people to whisper about you as the campus’ ‘romeo and juliet’ no matter how inaccurate it is. only happened because of transmisogynistic magical demon powers and therefore is unredeemable. trissy is in this though and i love her so it’s not a 0 because of that
monkleinmon - 9/10: i already stated my thoughts about this ship a while ago but it helps to expand of them a little more. amon unavoidably performs normalcy & redemption without the emotions required for them despite wanting to gain a true understand of it. klein recognizes this and is angered by it because it goes against his own beliefs of ‘the correct way of being normal.’ the universe will end before they go to couple’s counseling. or even consider breaking up
grishaklein - 6.5/10: very theory-based relationship. i like the idea of it but in practice most of it would be grisha deluding himself, zmr, amon & adam into being the mythical recreation of the nuclear family while emotionally neglecting every single member of said family in the process
everfool - 9/10: this is the better version of grishake to me i feel. the complex multilayered dynamic of ‘you exploited me/you helped me/we’re like friends/we can’t stay friends/you’re the only link i have to home/we’re like strangers’ is present throughout the novel and is made even heavier with the realization that amanises was a higher-up of a corporation in the pre-epoch whilst klein was only an employee. a very overworked one, at that.
rosekleinelle - 9/10: comphet x comphet. they kiss once and like 50 other relationships are impacted in the aftermath. klein makes ten different roselle-shaped puppets to glare at and scold whenever he’s upset instead of talking to the guy. roselle is too afraid of embarrassing himself to do so because he accidentally started frenching him when it was just a quick peck
