#fafnir ramblings

[caffeinefafnir]

Ok hear me out (Wednesday super fucked up theory)

Guys... I have the feeling that Wednesday might not be Morticia's biological daughter, but Ophelia's instead.

Here's why: in my recent sessions of overthinking and trying to make some sense out of season 2, I started to recognize some traits in Wednesday that I used to have at her age: constantly distancing and building up walls between you and the rest of your peers under a false feeling of superiority, but at the same time wanting to belong and be included so bad it hurts catastrophically when you get rejected in the slightest way. That behavior steems from a need of control over your life, which we discover we have very little of during our teenage years.

One of the many ways that lack of sense of control can develop in a kid is shown in Wednesday's extreme controlling behavior and her manipulating the people around her instead of forming actual significant bonds with them. She uses people over and over in her half-assed plans who never shares with anybody but Thing, and never admits the very clear defeat, carelessly throwing herself into a much more dangerous path in a feeble attempt to "fix it". And it kinda feels like she's only doing it for herself, to prove herself that she's... Superior and above the rest? Worthy, maybe?

Also, when you're in control of the people, you can attack before they do: leave them before they leave you and pretending it was your plan all along so it doesn't hurt even a little bit because hey, you knew it wasn't meant to last, rigth? Except that she wants it to last, she wants it so bad but she doesn't know how to get rid of these walls she carefully put up througout the years. That kind of attitude comes from childhood trauma, wheter from dealing with an extremely abusive narcissistic parent or from feelings of inferiority after being constantly compared to your siblings or being told over and over that you don't meet your parent's expectations.

Knowing that neither Gomez nor Morticia are the narc type, that leaves us with option 2: the feeling of being perceived as inferior next to a sibling... wich we also know it's not the case! That's not something her parents would do, putting their kids to compete against each other (like many parents do in real life) specially when she's the eldest child and this is something that usually happens to the middle/younger kid.

But then I wondered: were does all this trauma come from? Then I thought about the feelings of inferiority and the impostor syndrome that adopted kids experience: the constant need to prove themselves even when there's no need to, the massive fear of rejection that can be covered up in so many ways. Why i Wednesday in a semi-permanent quarrel with her mother and her brother? And she barely interacts with her father but when she does, it's still sorta distant?

Could it be that... she never really felt like she fit in within her own family? That maybe an early manifestation of her powers showed her something she never dared to speak out loud?

My theory is that Morticia couldn't physically have children so she either offered to raise her sister's illegitimate kids she had with Gomez outside of wedlock (let's not forget that in the old series he was actually meant to marry Ophelia) OR... that Morticia straight up kidnaped them. And her mother knows and it's covering it up.

@limelines was cooking an interesting theory that Morticia actually set Isaac up to make him look like the bad guy and I'm 100% buying it given the many inconsistencies in Morticia´s version of the facts. It is highly possible that she possesses some capability to manipulate Gomez and/or other people to an extent, and she even make him/everyone in school forget what really happened ti Isaac. Which would finally explain this very controversial sentence she said mid-season:

It would also make sense of the fact that both Wednesday and Ophelia's visions are stronger, more traumatic and powerful that Morticia's, both cry black tears but again Morticia doesn't. Wednesday isn't just going through a phase of teenage rebellion: she senses something and she probably always has, and Morticia knows she could lose it everything if her "daughter" finds out the truth. She doesn't move into the campus because she's worried for Wednesday, she's there to watch and control her. She burns Goody's book in a final attempt to stop the visions to come back and potentially blow her cover up. When questioned about aunt Ophelia, uncle Fester says "that's not his story to tell". How much exactly does he know??

Maybe the lack of a consistent villain in these two season is bc Morticia is about to be revealed as the major villlain. Plotted to keep Gomez to herself when he probably broke up with her to date her older sister, murdered and then dragged Isaac's name through the mud to isolate Gomez AND modified his memories of that nigth, manipulated her own sister into giving her the kids and then actively tampered with Wednesday's attempts to regain her own powers by scaring her with the "tragic fate" of her aunt Ophelia while also alienating her from her grandmother (which is why she only seems really concerned when her and Hester cooperate with each other). Hester clearly knows what Morticia did but has her own reasons not to tell the children: she wants to save them from the pain and embarrassment? She wants to save the family's name? She actually cares for Gomez and wants to spare him the broken heart? Whatever the reason is, Morticia knows that she knows, and Hester is using it as leverage against her youngest daugther. At this point I'm willing to think that Morticia knows her sister is still alive and locked up in her mom's basement. When Weems came back as Wednesday's spiritual guide and told her to basically try to get along with her family

And the "Wednesday must die" graffiti? Come TF onnn, she's the main character, it's so obvious that she's not gonna die (I mean, she could, but she's also the narrator which kinda gives her immunity according to some theories, also I really don't think that would be Burton's style to actually just kill her off) I think this means the lie about Wednesday is what must die, that she's about to find out her real origins which probably means her real name isn't actually Wednesday but something else.

Soooo yeah, that's pretty much it. Tell me what you think, and if this seems logical to you, or feel free to add something, idk

[caffeinefafnir]

No puede serrrr que esperé MÁS DE UNA DÉCADA para terminar de leer La Ventana de Orfeo, para que el final terminara siento tremenda cagadaaaa me quiero matar

»»———————►

Can't believe I finished The Window of Orpheus after a DECADE only for the ending to be utter trash i wanna kms

[caffeinefafnir]

TL;dr: how a simple hobby keeps me from collapsing (bc we really don't pay enough attention to mental health as a society)

So earlier this year I was writting a fanfic and that's been like, the only anchor to sanity I've had for a long while. I started out on a whim one night and spewed out around 10 pages in one night. I've started at 11pm and stayed up till 5am writting. It's been such a fucking nasty year (bc all the shit started last November actually) where I've been struggling with family issues, health issues, being unemployed and struggling financially, and then the feeling of being left behind when my partner got a job and I didn't, and a lage etc. Suddenly in May I got posessed by this supernatural impulse to write a fanfic after what felt like a lifetime (around 13 years). Days turned into months, one draft became 5 separate stories abt the same characters, I discovered what whump was thus rediscovering something I was really adept to without even realizing it, followed closely several challenges althougth never pressured myself to participate (bc deadlines and I don't get along) and on top of that I started a completely new story of a genre I had never dreamt of exploring before.

Around June I was writting a super emotional scene of my side fanfic. My fave character had attempted suicide and failed, and it was a super heavy scene where she talked about this with a friend in the most nonchalant way (at first) and he was completely shocked and devastated. I was writting this at a cafe, my favorite one, and had to make a real effort to keep a straigth face while typing out bc I tend to act out the feelings as I describe them and my eyes were getting all red and wattery. But everything was fine and I got the full scene toghether. And... I felt so incredibly lighter and happier after that.

I've been trying to find an explanation for it since then. I've been battling depression since a long time now, 10 years, but I hadn't felt suicidal since a long long time ago. But I know too damn well the feeling of the symptoms of depression going away, and BOY what I felt was like a MIRACLE! The floating sensation? Just knowing everything is going to be better? Damn I missed that. I had felt it before a few times in prior years when something significantly good happened, when I went regularly to therapy, etc.

The weirdest part is that things weren't even particularly bad at that point, and even when they were the absollute worst around February I hadn't seriously thought about suicide not even once. It was more like homicidal rage at that point haha, but nothing about harming myself. I keep thinking about it ever since, how optimistic I was for the next month or so before my mood got worse due to environmental reasons. And I still went to that part over and over again to correct, add details and overall finishing the rest of the fic but this proved to be a difficult feat since I never could get myself into the same mood again.

And I'm like... what?? Why did this particular scene caused that blissful effect on me? I've never ever been in that exact situation, surely I fantasized about it (we all do at some point) and I know I'm far from cured of the depression for I still feel some of the indicators of its presence, but the change in me since I wrote those pages was explosive and intoxicating. Maybe I was channeling everything through my blorbo in ways I didn't knew I could, maybe it's just the fact that she got listened at without judging or being accused of faking it/being a failure/blowing it out of proportion, maybe bc she was feeling as lonely and unseen as I currently feel to the point you can disappear for days and nobody would notice (or at least that's what you tell to yourself)

I'm worried that if I tell all this to my therapist she'll institutionalize me haha. For real. I dunno what they normally do in these cases lol. Also I don't want to tell her yet that I write fanficiton since I´m not ready to explain an Xgen-er what is it and why my generation hype so much abt it

[caffeinefafnir]

In my "I don't do shit and I'm still the villain"era

[caffeinefafnir]

I think I'm finally starting to decode my brain. Now I just have to pray or manifest that nothing bad happens at certain times of the day

[fafnirvt]

mmkay so my hatred of raturine grows every day and i know i never really made it clear why besides "everyone won't shut up about them" and i know no one really needs to have a reason for not liking... anything but

literally where the fuck is the chemistry i don't see it i just don't

it feels like hoyo shoved two guys together, one of which you straight up haven't seen since like 1.2, and expect you to ship them AND IT WORKED?????

they don't even have an interesting dynamic like "oh the rational guy thinks that the reckless one is being too reckless and doesn't want him to die" it's almost like... ratio is a human being with emotions and empathy......

i guarantee you if the mc was planning to do the exact same thing... he'd do the exact same thing

while i think ratio is a huge asshole that has a horrible teaching style it doesn't change the fact that he does in fact care about people

it's just impossible to tell, because outside of the main character, the only people we've seen him interact with are members of the genius society and sunday who are both people he is explicitly supposed to be against

he's salty towards the genius society because he's jealous that they caught nous's gaze and he didn't

he's kind of an ass to sunday but at this point it looks like he's just an ass to everyone

like yeah he cares about aventurine but he's still an asshole to him???

and even that feels unclear motherfucker sounds like he's about to rat him out with the knowledge that he'll likely get executed when he finds out he surrendered his cornerstone

if it was supposed to be a joke it was a bad one aventurine could barely tell if he was kidding he hesitated he hesitated because he thought he was actually going to do it which sucks it sucks it's bad

aventurine legit sounds a little nervous in these lines which shows it really REALLY struck a nerve since it broke his poker face a bit

look, i love toxic yaoi obviously i support sunturine, but it has to be toxic for a reason and actually add a layer of depth to the characters is that crazy of me is that so wrong. would i be less annoyed if everyone actually depicted their relationship as toxic? Probably.

sunday fucking up aventurine's shit wasn't like... without a reason.

the ipc was a threat to penacony, aventurine wanted to find the truth about death in the dreamscape, it's also personal since aventurine basically embodies all of the traits sunday has and hates the most about himself, motherfucker had every reason to go against him!! and that last one is a super interesting one!!!

like yea ig sunday hatecrimes him a little bit too, but like... they're not framed to be friends or collaborators. he also didn't wave that constant target on his back with the ipc in front of his face (sunday clearly did some research on aventurine too why else would he ask about the avgins dude)

ratio had nothing to benefit from by ratting out aventurine especially with shit that's so personal and dredged up in his past and has the gall to tell him that you need to trust the people you're working with like a minute after that god ratio is such a horribly written character

LIKE BROTHER WHAT THE FUCK DID HE DO TO YOU?????

"ohhh but it says they work together a lot" aventurine also works with skott.

on purpose.

look i love skott but if i knew him personally i would want to rip my hair out at the sheer idea of interacting with him

aventurine's standards for working with someone are "can they do the job" and "are they willing to work with me". no one in the ipc wants to work with aventurine. his employees drop like flies because everyone hates working with him. skott took the job and aventurine knows he'll do anything because he's a desperate corporate bootlicker.

ratio, again because we haven't seen him as much/more recently, is really hard to tell because the only people he's worked with are people he's inherently biased against. yeah he does get the job done, but he's spending half the time belittling everyone rereading some of that questline he's giving dr house like "i know the answer but i want you to figure it out" like good intention with wanting you to learn and use your brain but who the fuck wants to work with that

them working together is the equivalent of both of them being picked last on the kickball team. they work together a lot because no one else can tolerate them.

UGH ok i just had to get that out there now that my brain started working a little bit

[caffeinefafnir]

X makes me feel bored, Insta makes me anxious, Tumblr makes me hate dumbfuck people, Discord gives me f.o.m.o., Facebook makes me disgusted, Reddit makes me even more anxious.

Fuck all of you, I wish people would talk less. I miss it when internet was all just blinkies, recipes, tutorials, music and fanfics

[caffeinefafnir]

Apparently, telling other people that they're fucked up in the head for wishing death upon others based on their sex is unacceptable behavior now, waddaya know