memoir of a failed high school sweetheart.
“How did I know I was in love?” she asked the little girl sitting in front of her.
The little girl nodded, encouraging her to keep speaking, “Yeah! Was it a magical kiss? Like in the movies?” She tilted her head slightly waiting for the older woman to continue.
The woman simply shook her head. A peaceful look covering her face. “No, it wasn’t anything like that.” Which would only confuse the girl more. Isn’t that how all fairytales work? A true love's kiss?
She noticed the girl's confusion and went for the explanation, “I knew I loved him way before our first kiss. I didn’t need a little kiss to know I was in love.”
“Then what did you need?”
“Him. His presence was enough for me to know I’d forever be safe in his arms.” She sighed
The little girl's face fell a little, she had a feeling in her gut she couldn’t explain. “Well where is he now then?” The statement only made the woman smile.
The smile comforted the little girl. Like she was getting wrapped in a huge fluffy blanket on Christmas eve. But something still felt off. Her smile didn’t look like how she used to. There was a hint of sadness behind it but the girl never knew.
“We have different lives now.”
“What does that mean? You guys aren’t with each other anymore?”
She shook her head again.
“In my heart we’ll always be connected. He knows that just as I do. He was my first love, supposed to be my high school sweetheart. We promised we would never leave the other’s side, that's how in love we were. But it all fell down.” She finally looked the girl in the eye.
The girl gave the woman a similar expression, a small smile. She was realizing that she too was not a woman yet. She was still only a girl at heart trying to find her way and find closure so she knows that she doesn’t have her love anymore.
She’d heard the horror stories about how it feels impossible to believe it once it’s over. Of course she never believed them. They were in high school. You always think it’ll last forever then.
They gave it their all. But in the end, they both knew it wouldn’t work. She was a kind hearted and naive girl who’d give anything for love - even herself. He was a broken boy who didn’t know how to show his love for her and harmed her in the process. They harmed each other.
It was a broken love from the start, they both knew it.
But when you’re that in love you can’t find it in your heart to care about that kind of thing. That’s the unfortunate beauty of love. You’re willing to fight and fight and fight until there’s absolutely nothing left to fight for. You’re willing to give it your all until you’re so drained of everything around you, you aren’t able to tell the real love from the one that’ll end up hurting you like your first love.
Your first love is something you’ll never forget.
