Sam and “Choosing a Demon Over His Own Brother”
This is an excerpt from a meta response I wrote a while back, but I’m laying it out here for the importance of this particular topic to me. It was jumbled into one exhaustive reblog, but it’s a more accommodating read in its own independent post.
“Choosing a demon over his brother, beating the shit out of him, and nearly choking him to death… Does Sam have a right to be pissed? Yes. (…) But does Sam REALLY have a right to be pissed? I don’t think so. Dean was wrong, but he was also desperate, and doing whatever he could to save his brother’s life. The same brother that almost killed him a few years ago.”
Ah, yes, I know Dean almost killed Sam a few years ago. Oh wait. You’re not referring to when Dean locked Sam in the panic room for a torture detox to keep him out of the way while he and Bobby hunted down Lilith themselves? And when Dean finally accepts that what he’s doing is killing Sam, says, “At least he’ll die human.” Because Dean, I could have sworn, was the one who chose to kill his brother.
What are you referencing, then? When did Sam try to kill Dean “a few years” before the forced detox? Was it when Sam was possessed and another entity had erased his bodily autonomy? Is Sam to blame?
I never understood the idea that Sam was trying to kill Dean when he choked him in their fight. I understand that asphyxiation is generally associated with killing people (and even then, it’s more difficult in real life than visual media usually shows and may only knock the person out), but considering how he just asked Dean to come with him minutes beforehand, he obviously cares enough that he wouldn’t want him dead (anger =/= hate, love =/= happiness). Sam is a skilled hunter. He knows what he’a doing. It’s clear that he didn’t go in with the intent to kill, only to incapacitate Dean and escape so he could go kill Lilith with Ruby. I’m sure if Sam didn’t know what he was doing or if his anger was unmanageable he could have killed Dean, but considering his training and lack of motive… anything like that would be an accident, made in self-defense and in defense of 7+ billion people on Earth.
That’s not to say it wasn’t aggressive (though they were in a mutual fight and just because Sam initiated it doesn’t mean it wasn’t in self-defense), or that Dean wasn’t hurt. To me, it was a show of power (he certainly didn’t want Dean coming after him, and he left Dean with: “You don’t know me, and you never will,” which establishes his independence). Not to mention, in the beginning of the next episode Sam is still talking about how he wishes Dean could see things from his perspective, even though he doesn’t think he’ll see him again (he intends/expects to die killing Lilith), proving moreover that he didn’t try to kill Dean, only tried to incapacitate and escape him.
On the “Sam choosing Ruby over Dean” matter… Sam was never picking between the people. He was choosing between their tactics. Ruby’s was more effective and necessary given the time-sensitive nature of their world-saving mission, which is why Sam urged Dean to join them. Sam may have chosen Ruby’s methods over Dean’s (just as Dean chose the angels’ methods over Sam’s) but it is not because he cared more about her than he did Dean or valued family/trusted Dean any less? (Of course, trusting one person as well as another does not instantly negate or override the trust you have in the other.)
Sam and Dean were both already trying to accomplish the same goal through different methods and with different allies, so saying Sam chose Ruby over Dean is no different from saying that Dean chose the angels over Sam, when the root of it lays with the tactic. Dean didn’t want Sam working with a demon while Sam didn’t want Dean working with the angels. I’d argue that Dean is the “worse” brother for trusting the God Squad—who had a transparently corrupt agenda—and then opting to kill Sam.
Dean had just given Sam an ultimatum, just like John did when Sam left for Stanford (it is a blunt parallel and evident of the abuse Sam suffers under John and, by extension, Dean). “If you walk out that door, don’t come back.” It revokes all agency from Sam by limiting his choices (especially in John’s case since Sam was only 18). Sam didn’t “ditch” his family, he was ostracized both times. It seems as if this disagreement gets mischaracterized as a direct hit on Dean’s self and a negator of their brotherhood, even though Sam’s well-being isn’t about Dean.
So yes, Sam does have a right to be pissed about being a near-victim of fratricide. And no, Sam didn’t “choose Ruby over Dean.” He chose Ruby’s plan for stopping the apocalypse over Dean’s non-plan, because countless lives were on the line, and Dean was willing to risk the apocalypse to prevent Sam becoming what he deemed a “monster,” even when Sam’s actual actions were not monstrous.