A serious important post..
Pathological Abusers within Fan Groups.
(This is an excerpt from a much longer essay adressing the topic of predators within disability and fan group communities)
Early fan groups were formed by extroverted Autistic women and men in order to share their special interests, overtime these groups and this aspect of autistic culture was hijacked/assimilated by non-autistics in their effort to socialise. In consequence many aspects have become unfriendly to Autistics, commercialization, conventions, and focus on monetary consumption and socialization, rather than person to person information sharing and connection.
Autistics connect to people in a very direct way, imprinting ourselves onto each other at times. We take connections personally and seriously. The idea of an “acquaintance” is a foreign concept. As this aspect of fan culture has gotten lost, leaving many connection seekers adrift, human predators have merged in to take advantage.
We are all now familiar with internet trolls, those who aim shots in order to cause fighting, but within fan groups a more sinister kind exist. Pathological Manipulators who develop vindictive behaviour and choose to take this out on others. This type of troll will find those in groups who are the most vulnerable for whatever reason, and attach themselves to them.
psychological manipulation: one person is used for the benefit of another. The manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power, and exploits the victim to serve his or her agenda.
Often saying they want help, connection, a friend, they weave a tale of need that the victim empathises with and then feels obligated to help.
For Autistic people the call for help triggers a powerful sense of personal obligation and responsibility. Physical pain and anxiety at the idea of not helping is often a consequence, so those who wish to use this to their own personal gain do not have to do much to convince the victim. Once accepted the abuser will then exert what seems like simple influence on the victim.
It is important to note that manipulation is not the same as influence. Everyone influences or is influenced in the course of life in order to achieve our goals.
But influencers recognize the boundaries of other people. They use direct and honest communication. Emotional manipulators disregard others feelings.
This difference is hard to tell for a lot of people, and even harder for Autistics whose neurology makes us more trusting of others and unable to process in real time, the meaning behind others words and behaviour. In hindsight it may become clear but not without much reflection and emotional guilt and turmoil.
Meanwhile without intervention abusers will persist, gaining inside information to use against their victim, controlling them, emotionally and psychologically manipulating them through verbal abuse, death threats and much more. Suicide can also be the goal of this kind of abuser.
Once the victim is further isolated they begin to take on guilt and feed the troll more of what it wants. Getting out of this situation is only possible if an outside person intervenes.
Almost everyone is a potential victim and while there are many guides suggesting strategies and so on for spotting them, trying to use them in real time, is almost impossible. One clear sign though especially in fan groups is, asking yourself:
Does this person claim to know a lot of personal information about the subject, yet provide contradictory information from un-satisfactory sources?
Do they exhibit un-fan like behaviour? Praising people or their interest one day yet disparaging them the next?
(Fans tend to be fairly consistent in their love and praise, often wanting to spread positivity surrounding their interests.)
Do they talk behind others back? Do they bait other people?
Are they inconsistent with their stories? ex: claim to be a teacher or some other profession, yet show no signs of it in their language, frame of reference, skills.
To people who have never been bullied or emotionally abused before, these things, even someone directly telling you to kill yourself, are obvious indicators of abuse but not to the ones who are used to such abuse.
They have rationalized this behaviour over time and attributed it to something being very wrong within themselves rather than accept that someone could possibly abuse them. This way any pain is deflected. And even when the abuse has stopped and the victim is out of the situation, self blame continues.
What fans can do:
Be aware of who is joining your group and who you interact with. Just as you would offline, get to know a bit about each person and if something doesn’t seem right, address it. You’re not being paranoid.
Don’t think you are not in a group, you are. The people you interact with are your group. Don’t expect everyone to be capable of watching out for themselves. Individualism will tell you that everyone is only responsible for themselves, in real life that is not the case. Someone else always knows something one does not, sharing that info never hurts.
Keep in mind that you are interacting with people of all neurotypes, abilities, disabilities, races, genders and so on. We all have different experiences that contribute to human understanding.
Checking up on each other is a must as fan groups often involve people needing to reach out to others for connection, issues around depression and other health crisis. Fandom is cheap therapy in most cases for those who can not afford it. It can be a distraction from pain of all kinds.
For example in my many years of fandom I have been a lay spiritual advisor, a suicide/relationship/ crisis counselor, a confidante, researcher and a therapist. It comes with the territory.
So if someone appears to be using this to manipulate and control people, speak out. Address it privately offline.
Fan groups needs to address this, to create protocol around it. Because often victims will not address it due to shame. Being a fan of something can bring it’s own particular shame, outsiders will say you shouldn’t be online or you should not join groups etc…this is victim blaming. It is not helpful. Online life is real life. People need to have an online presence, within the disability community being able to interact online is the only human interaction many have with the outside world.
Unfortunately we can't live our lives and enjoy things without someone coming along to exploit it. So online protection is a must. Especially by those who want to be allies. For the abled, being aware doesn’t take much effort, pausing your online consumption to check up on people, check to see if conflict or anything weird is going on, is well within the boundaries of a group.
Don't give in to factions. Sometimes one person in a group may garner popularity due to connections to the item of interest. They will likely be surrounded by hangers on who are more likely than not potential manipulators, trying to control the flow of information and that particular person, wanting to keep them isolated.
These groupies may prevent the person in question from making friends from outside the group established by the manipulators. Resist the formations of factions by encouraging engagement with everyone.
Oversharing/info dumping is natural to many Autistics. Not sharing can be a very confusing and curious matter and to us a possible red flag that something is wrong.
But there are also people who are not serious or true about their emotions and will make grand statements in order to gain sympathy yet will them use it to abuse the sympathisers.
Be aware of the difference.
If an autistic person says they do not identify with or has no interest in something, it does not mean dislike or ignorance of that thing, we simply have no connection or feelings toward it whatsoever. Non-autistics should not take this personally.
On a side note the term “Stan” used by non-autistics to describe their form of pathological interests, was coined by rapper Eminem who is Autistic. For the sake of cultural respect, non-autistics should be aware of the many, many cultural aspects created by Autistics from anime to the internet we all use, that they currently enjoy.
Overall interactions should be respectful, fun and meaningful. Autistic or not everyone knows the joy that comes with being interested in something. Special interests have helped me make friends, sent me down winding rabbit holes to locate people who are stuck, who I needed and who needed me. I’ve found inspiration and joy and countless ideas that have helped expand my world. People have the right to explore and enjoy these interests in safety.
