I finished tfatws which is cool and all.
But my life is so aggressively consumed by my obsession with Bucky Barnes I'm afraid there's no hope for me genuinely, can someone please diagnose me?
It's physically and mentally painful but I don't even know why
It's like I'm mourning a man who has never existed.
I've cried just looking at him for the last week now. Just thinking of how unfair it all is, how much he suffered, how much he's gone through, how Steve—after all the struggle he went through to defend him and help him redeem himself—simply left him behind? WHY???? Why did Steve leave him??? I would've probably taken his death over him abandoning Bucky. The BEST thing that came out of it was Sam's and Bucky's friendship frankly. Hate me for it, but Steve acted selfish, and you know what? If it was him choosing himself over the world, fine I'll tolerate it. But he chose himself over his friends! Then just kinda tossed the shield at Sam. OHHHH MYYY GODDDD I was so pissed when I first watched the scene because it is seriously not that simple.
It's like a burning in my chest that I can't describe or even begin to justify because my brain can only seem to focus on the superficial aspect which is: I am genuinely emotionally distressed over a fictional character someone needs to medicate me.
All to not have to come to terms with the potential reality of why I'm actually emotionally distressed. It's not quite as simple as the happenings of the story that's been written. There's more to the intense attachment than simple 'hehe haha'. Can someone with a psychology degree please share something to enlighten me?
Because although my therapist has made me understand, I am still so appalled that the effect is so DEVASTATING.
Anyway, hi guys I'm a perfectly normal functional member of society.
