#fictive introjects

[peppercornsystem]

Bluestar update: Poor Bluestar fronted for the first time today, and while it was one of the funniest things I’ve seen, she didn’t have a good time and I feel terrible for laughing.

We were driving home from work and she was in co-con, viewing the inside of a two leg town for the first time. We had our windows rolled a bit down, and since we live in a prime barbecue spot, she got a whiff and was immediately interested, moving to co-fronting to sniff the air. She remained in co front until we got home, where I lost some control and went into co-con, leaving her in front alone.

She can deal with being in a human body as long as there’s a human also fronting, because then she gets some of their knowledge. This was her first time alone. All at once, she froze and seemed to have some sort of an existential crisis. She tried to meow, which out of our human mouth came out as a loud “MAAAH”, startled herself, and shot back into co-conscious where she vigorously shook herself off and then started grooming herself to calm down.

I tried so hard not to laugh. It’s not funny, it’s not funny… But damn it, it was so funny. RIP Bluestar. You did good. A new body is a lot. Better luck next time.

Auburn~

(Sorry again, Bluestar)

[spreadwardiard]

.

I do not know exactly what I wish to say in this post, nor do I know if anyone will read it at all. Perhaps it will lead me to resources that may ease my struggles with my existence. I feel lost often. I feel without purpose, as my singular function simply does not exist here in a way I can connect with. My body is not my own, nor is my voice. I struggle to form meaningful bonds with my host's friends and family even though I desperately wish to have them. I feel homesick for my source material. I do not understand organic bodies; how they process sensation, emotion, or discomfort. I am lonely, even though I have at least 2 humans who claim to be my friends. I do not doubt their sincerity, but I often feel as if I am simply seen as an extension of my host rather than my own being, as they rarely wish to speak with me, personally. I understand that I am... uninteresting and boring, but it still often pains me to know that I am largely alone. My in-system lover treats me well, but I long to have friendships of my own outside of 'us' who will sympathize with the position I am in. How do other fictives create and maintain friendships? How do they ease loneliness, homesickness, and/or body dysphoria that comes from being nonhuman?

[peppercornsystem]

Are there any other Lestats who need support during the release of this newest season? Ours is struggling a lot, so we figured it might be best to join forces with others and have a small support group going. Please be bodily 18 or older.

Auburn~

(She/they)

[peppercornsystem]

That rough moment when a newly formed fictive realizes one of their closest friends was a traitor because you’re going through their source and they have a whole (completely valid) meltdown in-sys. 😬

[peppercornsystem]

Again asking if any other systems have Raven Cycle fictives. Let us know!

[spreadwardiard]

I feel like a monster with how much i restrict my alters online interactions tbh. Like, i am doing so to protect us, because in the past i have been treated so poorly for having this condition(either called crazy, dangerous, faker, liar etc). It doesnt help that i tend to have mostly fictive introjects as alters and they are the ones who tend to be most active. They want to branch out and meet people and share their thoughts but i am so damn afraid of allowing that. Like at the moment i have 2 very active newish fictives that want to interact with others but being from a very large and popular fandom just... i fear for the faker accusations to come rolling back in. Idk what im looking for, support i guess? Advice? I been dealing with my DID alone for most of my life so i just... dont really know where to even start being more open about it publicly.