I did four things today that I’ve never done before. (No, one was NOT a muscle-up.)
-- I held a solid, balanced, freestanding handstand for three full seconds.
-- I took three ‘steps’ on a handstand walk without any support.
-- I did a scaled handstand push-up (two abmats + 15# plates on either side) in which I actually felt my feet go toward the ceiling and felt my body shoot UPWARD into space, not back into the wall.
-- And, for the first time, the J-hook felt moderately secure on the rope climb; I got two solid pulls (about halfway) up the rope that way.
This is what progress looks like. Most of the time it isn’t big or dramatic. It’s three handstand steps instead of two, 15# plates under my hands instead of 10#, J-hook instead of S-wrap.
I know I’m stronger than I was last year. I don’t need the Open to tell me that. I also don’t need the Open, or anybody else, to tell me that if I don’t have a muscle-up, it’s because I’m ‘not working hard enough’ or ‘don’t have the right attitude’. The reason I don’t have a muscle-up is because I don’t yet have a bodyweight ring dip, or even a really good hips-to-rings kip; it would be irresponsible and dangerous for me to try muscle-ups -- not to mention, emotionally stupid for me to expect them of myself -- without those requisite skills. That isn’t pessimism; it’s reality.
CrossFit is something I do for a few hours a week. It has brought me physical and mental strength, a whole new group of friends, and a sense of community that spans three states (and, truly, the world). But it’s not who I am. I’m a healthcare provider, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a bookworm, a Broadway fan, a swimmer, a writer, a runner, a foodie, AND a CrossFit athlete. I’m going to work hard in the gym, fuel my body accordingly, get solid sleep and hydration -- but not at the expense of the other areas of my life.
I’ve had to remind myself of this perspective on many occasions in the past. The difference is that, before, I was building the impossible standards in my own mind, by comparing myself to those around me. I’ve finally managed to (mostly) stop doing that -- but now, this week, CrossFit HQ are the ones telling me I’m not good enough -- and adding insult to injury by then relegating me to single-unders and ten-pound balls. After two Opens in which I never failed to post a score, this feels humiliating -- not to mention, after my unflagging enthusiasm for the Open for the past two seasons, I now feel a sense of genuine betrayal. My beef with 15.3 isn’t so much that I personally can’t do it RXed (although that’s certainly true) -- my beef is that the Open has now officially stopped being ‘open’ (since over half the field won’t be able to even start this workout), and, therefore, for many of us, has also stopped being a useful tool by which to accurately measure one’s progress and proficiency.
I might get a muscle-up someday. I sure hope I do, just to be able to say I can. I definitely plan to continue to work on the foundational skills that pave that road, and maybe in a couple more years I’ll eventually achieve that distant goal. But if, as for most CrossFitters, the muscle-up never happens for me -- then that’s okay too. Because there are so many other things in my personal universe that are more important than that.
So the Open isn’t for everyone anymore. That’s fine. It just means I’ll continue to measure my progress in other ways. And Dave Castro will get $20 less in his pocket next year.
Tomorrow I’m going to do four handstand steps. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it.
