#finding the courage

[zenyattaspeaks]

The questions we ask ourselves in moments of doubt are very important to our closure. Was I good enough? Could I have prevented what happened? Should I have apologized long ago? In seeking the truth, we cling to questions that can not be answered. In our dismay, we must move on to find peace with what might have been.

[thedemonkingganon]

A Freakin SWord as thick as the Earth's mantle, and as long as the Great Wall of Fuking China ((Hello :) Long time no see))

((It;s been forever *Glomp))Ganondorf blinked wondering what this wall of china was but by the others tone it must have been an impressive length and therefore he grinned at the boys comparison.

[mrslondonite]

It might not have been my wisest decision, but either way I will go through with it. And in the end, however it will turn out, it will make me stronger and prepare me for what is to come.

[smallgoblin]

Sharing my secret (long post)

Frank Warren the creator of Postsecret came to my city this week. I went to one of his shows last night with a friend of mine. It was really inspiring to see how much passion he has for what he created. He such a genuine person and made the theater feel really personal and safe. Half the time I was almost in tears because Postsecret is something really personal to me and been apart of my life for over four years now. To have an experience to see all the other people it touched and share it with my close friend was amazing.

In the last part of the show Frank invites people in the audience to come up to one of the two mikes and share their secrets. I knew this before hand and thought what if I went up and a secret. I fantasized what would happened and as I did I realized how many secrets I really have. When the time came that people were invited to share I listened to a few and thought, "I can't go up there. My friend is here and one of my coworkers I ran into." Then it occurred to me that there's this one secret I have that I dwell on every so often and this might be my one chance to get the nerve to say it out loud. I put my postcard in my hand down on the floor stood up with out looking at my friend because I knew I would loose the nerve. I made my way to the line at the mike. At the moment where I thought I should just go sit down and chicken out Frank said that the people in the line right now were the only ones left they had time for and I knew I was going to be the last one. It kinda felt like fate at that time. I was meant to share my secret. I got up to the mike and almost instantly started crying as I'm doing right now because this is how much that secret was apart of me. My secret is this:

Thank you. Thank you to a person I no longer have contact with or will ever talk to because we lost contact. Thank you because you probably saved my life and gave me the one I have now. When I was in high school I went through a really had time and one day I tried to cut myself it was the first day and I did it a few times. On the way home from school my friend saw my arm covered in scratches because I hadn't had the courage to make myself bleed yet. She grabbed my arms and told me I couldn't do that again. I was to good of a person to do that to myself and that I was loved. From that point on I've never been able to hurt myself again even when I really wanted to. I hear her voice and it stops me because it feels like I'm betraying her even if we haven't spoken to each other in years. With out her I would not be the person I am today. So my secret was a thank you to someone who will probably never hear it but other know now how much it meant to me.

Frank said a warm thank you and I ducked my head down and went back to my seat. As I waited for people to get up so I could get to my seat in the middle of the row a lady rubbed my back to comfort me and I said thank you. As I sat down I was terrified at what my friend would say because to myself that secret included my weakest moment in my life. She immediately wrapped me in the tightest hug I've ever had and all I could do was hold onto her arm and cry with her we're probably like that for till Frank said the last goodbye and the show ended. I said thank you to her and she looked at me and said "No, thank you." We left holding onto each other and she told me I was her favorite person and could imagine what her life would be like with out me. I ran into my coworker again and she gave me a giant hug. It'll be interesting on Monday when I see her. Sharing the secret really helped though. It brought my friend and I even closer I think and actually made me realize how much that secret weighed on me because it changed how I turned out and never acknowledged it. I'm so glad I found the courage to finally say my secret.