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What’s your favorite Stephen King adaptation?
My Halloween movies of 2023
Yet again Spooky Season has come and I'm about to kick off my annuel scary movie marathon! This year it's pure horror, too, no real sci-fi or comedy (at least not REALLY) in the mix, just pure scare fests, so it's liable to be a little heavier than usual ... but like always, anyone who wants to have a crack at following me along, I'm gonna be starting tomorrow night and continuing on until the night of the 5th (I know, well over TWO WEEKS of spooky cinema!), so feel free to tag along ...
Apostle
Firestarter (2022)
The Fury
Brotherhood of the Wolf
Lifeforce
Animal
Dragonslayer
Night Teeth
Stung
Velvet Buzzsaw
Nope
Fright Night
The Empty Man
Let Us Prey
Superdeep
Season of the Witch
Fright Night, Part II
American Carnage
Army of the Dead
Hellraiser (2022)
Super Hybrid
Hope you have as much fun as I plan to ...
FIRESTARTER 2022, dir. Keith Thomas
More ships of mine (most of them of the rarer kind)
Continuation of this post.
(remember that the “&” only means “platonic r”; and when I combine “&” with “x” it means that there may be ambiguity between “platonic” and “romantic” r; it can also mean that I like both dynamics though.)
Let's fucking go!
Charlie x Rainbird, from Firestarter 2022
Amon x The checkpoint mercenary (#2) (played by the actually surprisingly handsome Boone Platt), from Black Adam 2022
Luisa x El doctor (played by Andres Soler), from “Me ha besado un hombre”
Flick x Hopper, from A bug's life
Ingeras x Vlad, or Ingeras x Mina, from Dracula 2014
Gray Trace x Stem, from Upgrade 2018
Annalee Call x Dom Vriess, from Alien 4
Cinderella x Human!Jaq, from Cinderella 2
Tyler x Ovi, from Extraction
Nick x Mason, from “I hate kids”
Lucas &x Hova, from Ant-bully
Samantha & Irving Bates, from Bewitched S6 ep23 (“A kid again”)
(and what I personally think is the weirdest, since I only ship them because of a dream I had once with them in it. It was crazy and fascinating and I may talk about it in its own post):
adult!Ulrich x kid!Elisabeth, from the Dark series
In the spirit of the season I thought I'd share the original Firestarter
Top 5 Worst Films of 2022
Okay, so. Here we go. At the end of January... my personal summary of the year. This shit is surprisingly difficult. A Best list will also be done, but I thought I'd start with the negative first so as to not end the year on a sour note.
I would like to emphasise that these are my opinions, and if you disagree... fight me in the inbox. Okay. Here we go. And yeah, it's going to be long.
5. The Invitation
Despite the beautiful costumes and decent performances, this nominally January horror fell flat with its mundanity, half-arsed references to Dracula (of course), and compensation for the 15 rating. Sophie Corneliusson is having a whale of a time, though.
4. Firestarter
Not terrible, but not good, either. Some lines felt they were written by a completely different person, and a great deal of promise was shat on and binned. Left feeling nothing. No wonder it bombed.
3. Crimes of the Future
A VERY controversial choice, I know, but I was really looking forward to this one, and the final product was a letdown. The worldbuilding is really well-developed and Kristen Stewart is pretty good, but unfortunately, I couldn't get past the wanky dialogue and the apparent lack of plot (and point) until the end. Disappointing.
2. Fruits Basket: Prelude
Maybe it's because I watched it drunk but I didn't understand what the fuck was going on at any given time. Completely inaccessible for those who hadn't seen the TV show. Completely frustrating watch. Again, really pretty to look at.
Honourable Mentions
Morbius: I don't think I need to elaborate on this. Also I will glue Lego to the feet of anyone who quotes any meme from this film. And I do mean anyone.
The Next 365 Days (Kolejne 365 dni): I want to sit down with the script translator and whoever organised the soundtrack and ask them "why?". Just "why?". They can answer in Polish, I'll just Google Translate their answers like they Google Translated the script and then play an on-the-nose song as I do so.
The 355: Eh.
Luckiest Girl Alive: Terrible characters, terrible handling of themes. Hope someone hired a chiropractor for Mila Kunis - she must have been in agony after carrying this film.
And now, the worst thing I saw this year...
1. Jurassic World: Dominion
Films are meant to be one cohesive project wherein scenes are joined together to build a story. A film should be as long as the story naturally goes. If there are any legacy characters, they should be used to enhance a story, and not be a crutch for it. The existence of a sequel should be justified; a second sequel should definitely need more explanation as to its existence. In a second sequel, existing characters should be actual characters and not just stock photos of tropes. A filmmaker whose career spans twenty years should have this drilled into his head. Dominion is a two and a half hour display of this not being the case at all. Trevorrow, put the cameras down, take your money, and slip away into the night before you can embarrass yourself any further. You're done, and you've taken the franchise with you.
Thanks for reading! Best Of post coming soon.
~ Mikey
