#flowertalk

[flowerzeris]

I've never loved someone before.Not now,not ever,but why do I wish for your happiness?Every time you cry,it hurts me.I hate seeing you cry,regardless of the reason.It's as if I lost control of myself.I wish for you to live a long,healthy,and happy life.I,of all people,want to show you only the best sides of me and guarantee you a life of only the most beautiful things.You should never have to face such a wicked reality,and so,if that means letting your other friends be as cheery as you to do so,I'll make sure that happens.But,the moment you fell in love with someone and even wants on dates with them was when I started losing myself.I hated it.I wished for you happiness,so this should be fine,but why does my chest hurt?Is this what love is like?Love can make one lose their sense of self,if that's the case.I hope you never change.

Chrysanthemum are generally believed to be symbolisms of long life,happiness,and love.I decided to add bits and pieces of all of that into it!

Hope you'll like it(⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

[shades-of-destiny]

[flowerzeris]

Leona Kingscholar

I never understood how people could hate him.Perhaps I can relate to him as I'm in a similar situation.I'll never be favored out of my two other brothers,I'll always be the last option,always.Maybe it brings a sense of peace knowing I'm not alone in my experience.Bonding over trauma seems to be the easiest way to bond.Of course,this may not be trauma but it sure is something that a child will always remember.Maybe that's why I favor,no,love him so dearly.Leona,though he may be rough,really does care for people around him even if he doesn't want to admit it.Though we had similar experiences,we still turned out different.It goes to show that people take experiences differently and hoe hat can change you in the worst,or best,way possible.Maybe thats why i wish he'd accept my sincerity.From the bottom of my heart,i really do love him."Love" is an unfamiliar word to me.I've never heard such words uttered to me,and yet,i find myself saying it so easily in regards to Leona.So Leona,no matter how much you push me away,just know that I'll always cherish you,even till my last breaths.One day,I hope you'll return my feelings.I really do mean it when i say I wish to be with you till death and ever further.Please,do not shrug it off.You don't have to love me back,but i can still hope you will,can't I?If you really don't like me,no,hate me,please just reject me now.The more you stall,the more my feelings will prosper.Maybe I was wrong to think that similar experiences would bring two people together,no,I was definitely wrong.Its not guaranteed just because it happens often,so why?Why can't I get over even the littlest,most insignificant gestures when it's him?It seems it's developed too far already.Leona,you are like the moon while I am like the ocean.You are the only thing keeping me stable.If I cannot earn your love,at the very least,let me stay by your side.

Sorry if I got anything wrong,I hardly remember anything.

[flowerzeris]

Growing up,I never knew what it felt like to be embraced,to be softly spoken to,to be loved.It wasn't until I got warped into a whole new world that i even experienced any semblance of warmth.So this was what it was like to have people you can talk to and listen to you without worrying about every single word uttered.This was what it was like to just be a kid?It feels so surreal which is why I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and realize this is all a dream because it means none of it was real and that I'd have to continue being just a waste of space and somebody who'll never be embraced as preciously like other children...I don't want that!I want to be selfish,even if just for a while...I don't care about the numerous overblots or the chaos of it all!I just want to stay here.If anything,all the trouble has taught me to allow myself to be more expressive,to have a mind of my own and to let me know my feelings are valid.If these people,who could harm me if they wanted to,can teach me these things that not even my family was willing to teach me,then why would i want to leave this place?I don't want Crowley to ever find a way back,though i doubt he's even doing that...All my experiences,every second of laughter and comfort from those so unlike me,yet so similar to me,make me feel like i deserve to be loved just as much as any other child.So if this really turns out to be a dream,then i don't want to ever leave this wonderful,chaotically beautiful wonderland.Even if my health deteriorates any further ,by being in a world where I can't avoid magic in a body that doesn't possess any such things,I'll still like to stay here,forever,if possible because I want to see more of this stunning world.I want to see every part of it,like the mystical ocean or the calmness of it all.I want to see it all!I want to see the beauty of a world,even if it is not my own,because it is something I wasn't allowed to do.I was taught to just stay in my room and not make any sounds whatsoever.And that is why I'm so glad everyone was patient with and guided me on a journey of healing ever individual scar...Sure,there are some scars that'll always remain,but i think that if I'm allowed to live here,I will blossom beautifully,just like my companions,peers,partners,whatever you want to call it.If anything,the only twisted thing is the fact that I could disappear from this world in an instant and that they'll all forget me,but surely surely won't happen...Once again,I'd love to stay in this lovely wonderland no matter how horrible my life gets here because I don't think I'll ever be okay leaving a place that taught me how to be,well,a person.

[flowerzeris]

Forget me not:

Though you may not remember me,

Though I may be a stranger in your heart,

Just know that no matter what,

I'll be waiting for you.

For the day you'll remember me,

The day you'll hold me lovingly in your arms as you've always done,

Telling me just how worthy of love I was,

How important I was.

Even if that day never comes,

I pray that you'll at least know

In your soul who I am,

Even if you never truly remember me.

You acknowledging my existence

Is more than enough for me.

.

.

Myosotis were always your favorite flower and now it seems you have no recognition of who you,or anyone else,is.I pray you get better.

[flowerzeris]

When my friend says she hates me with a passion,is she being serious or joking?I always need tone indicators or reassurance especially online because I can't ever tell.What if she doesn't like me anymore?It's scary,feeling unloved like my many years before this.Maybe ill lose a friend

[flowerzeris]

I've mentioned this before but perhaps it is my fault I feel left out.When you hardly know positive feelings and are more strong about negative feelings,I suppose that's bound to happen.It is my incapability to conceptualize what being real is that causes these issues.Maybe if I can find myself,we can have healthier relationships.

[flowerzeris]

You and I,we're both flawed.Our past is only a constant reminder of just how unloved we'll ever be, but maybe that is alright if I can spend my time with you.At first,I was elated to have a friend,so genuine and so similar in every single way.Sure,we had our differences,but of course we do.We're not the same person after all,it'd be utterly ridiculous if we were.I was just so overjoyed at having a friend who wouldn't judge me but instead, someone who'd listen to me and comfort me if need be.But as time passed,I started to get jealous.No,I believed I was getting in the way of her other friendship.I've said this that bothered her, to which i responded by ghosting her for a few days or weeks because I believed she had enough of me.I was afraid to lose my only friend throughout my darkest times.I know it's selfish of me,but at the time,I wished she never had another friend.I wished it was just her and I.Maybe it's because I felt like I was being abandoned by my father,who I was so close with,that I didn't want to let her go.Its an ugly feeling,i know,but I'm still just a kid after all...What kid isn't flawed?Maybe if we were born into more loving and accepting families,we could've turned out differently,but since we can't change the family we have,you can't leave me and I won't leave you.