seen from Libya
seen from United States
seen from Czechia
seen from Yemen
seen from Türkiye
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Yemen
seen from Guatemala
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Indonesia
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from India
seen from South Korea
seen from Austria
seen from Indonesia
seen from United States
Chapter Twenty-One
Sorrow’s Passing If this is your first time in the twin woods, it may be best to begin at the beginning. Outside the snap of the nurlym’s teeth, the Napyr’s meager wings granted him and the youngling on his back an uneasy glide to the forest floor, where its Shell-sapped clay clawed at them. Ichor erupted as they landed, in a geyser of vile red from the gore-soaked wound they fled and they…
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A New Night Chapter 24
As the garage door opened, a heavy feeling fell onto Ryane and Quinn. Ryane's eyes widened in astonishment as Quinn drove the car into the spot. Broken glass, papers, shelves, and anything else that once stood there, was torn to shreds, thrown across the room, or bent into disrepair.
The vehicles, surprisingly, were left untouched. The red cabinets that once were firmly planted to the walls were ripped away, exposing the elevator.
She timidly opened the passenger side door and stepped out onto her trembling feet. She swallowed a lump in her throat, seeing the wreckage. The stunned pair made their way silently into their home with only the taps from their shoes hanging in the air.
Ryane looked around in shock and horror. She knelt down and lifted a blood-stained sword with a shaky hand.
"Whose blood is this?" Ryane choked.
"Mine…"
"That makes sense," she said, nodding, thinking back to the holes in his shirt. She sniffled and wiped away a few tears. The thought of Quinn stabbing himself made her sick.
They went upstairs. The painting of Quinn and Edmund had large tears on Quinn's side, but Edmund’s was untouched.
The bean bags were torn. The tables and chairs were broken, and the TV was smashed.
"What happened?" she asked.
"Honestly…I don't even remember doing this…I remembered my father saying how proud he was of me then…I blacked out. I vaguely remember trying to stab myself, but that's it…"
"I thought your father was dead?"
"He is. That doesn't mean I don't still hear him."
Ryane hugged him.
Quinn's stomach twisted into knots, feeling ashamed and embarrassed of what he had done to their beautiful home. His misty-eyed gaze drifted to their bed. The headboard had been ripped apart, and their sheets looked like tissue paper scattered on the floor. "I-I'm so sorry, darling, I don't know why I did this. I can't believe I did this. It's unacceptable! Your-your bean bag chairs, our tv, o-our bed, it's all…" the rest of Quinn's words were caught in his throat as humility and regret spilled over him.
His eyes could take no more as he shut them tight. He leaned down, pulling at his hair, wishing he could just disappear. "I've ruined everything!"
Ryane heard the pain in her lover's voice and swiftly ran to his side to comfort him.
"Don't," he said, stepping away.
"Stop pushing me away," she said firmly. "You can't do this on your own, and that's okay."
"Please don't," he whimpered. "I don't deserve you."
"Well, too bad. You're stuck with me."
He choked on a sob.
She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and rubbed his back soothingly with her other hand in an attempt to ground him. In a gentle voice, she whispered, "It's okay, Quinn, we can get through this, alright? It's just stuff. Just stuff. It's all replaceable. What matters is I have you.”
As she held him, she looked around at the destruction. It was clear that this was much bigger for Quinn than just killing Chase.
“I’m so sorry,” Quinn uttered.
“Quinn, I don’t want you worrying about apologizing right now. Let's focus on getting somewhere to stay, and we can go from there. Alright? Baby steps. Let’s focus on finding a place for tonight.”
“Where would you want to go?” he asked.
“I dunno. A hotel?”
“How about the schoolhouse?” he offered.
“Sure.”
***
Quinn's hands trembled against the steering wheel as he drove towards the old schoolhouse. Images of broken mirrors, cupboards, and splintered chairs flashed in his mind. Quinn tried desperately to combat his anxiety by focusing on his breathing and the road. Once they had arrived, the silence that once filled the car was interrupted by Ryane's stomach growling. "Do you want me to get you something to eat?" Quinn asked quietly, not making eye contact with his partner.
"Yes, please," she said, taking her seat belt off.
“What do you want?” he asked.
She gave him her order, and he left. Ryane turned to the stone house and smiled sadly. Despite everything that happened she knew it was going to be okay. She walked up the steps and pushed the door open. She went inside and dropped her bag on the floor.
Ryane pulled her hair up into a ponytail using the black elastic band around her wrist. She explored the living room and grabbed the remote for the TV on the glass coffee table. As she flipped through channels, she took a deep, well-needed breath and sank into the cushions. Everything is going to be okay, she thought to herself. A few minutes into her show, she could hear the door knob being wrestled with. Quinn had returned with a white Styrofoam container with a deli sandwich, chips, and a small container of soup.
She quickly sat up to eat. "Thank you, sweetie," she said, opening it up on her lap.
"I'll be right back. I just need to make a phone call," Quinn said flatly as he made his way toward the door.
Quinn stepped into the other room and closed the door. He dialed Lucas.
“Is everything okay?” Lucas asked, picking up.
“Apparently, before I left, I trashed my own home,” he responded bluntly.
“I know,” Lucas replied. He paused. "You sound like you’re shocked by it?"
"I am. I don't recall doing any of it if I'm being honest." Quinn paused, shifting uncomfortably as he held his phone to his ear, feeling how odd that must sound to someone. "We are at Serenity for the night. We plan on tackling the other house issue later."
"Serenity?"
"The old school house," Quinn clarified.
"Well, I'm glad you guys found a place for the night. Now go be with her, man, and try and relax. I'll talk to you later." Lucas said sincerely.
"Okay, I'll try," Quinn hung up the phone. A cold shiver ran across his skin. His thirst had been gnawing at him for quite some time now, as he couldn't bring himself to drink from Ryane. It was becoming unbearable. He rolled his shoulders back as if shaking snow from his body. He returned to the bedroom and joined Ryane in the bed.
He watched her sleep. It felt like his veins had turned to ice. She looked peaceful, but his predatory mind saw vulnerability. Of course, she wouldn't have a chance of fighting him off. But the thought of hurting her like that acted as a barrier, keeping him from acting on his desire.
He forced himself to stay still until she woke. It would be worth the wait if she said yes.
***
Ryane slowly opened her eyes to see Quinn staring at her. His hungry gaze petrified her.
She froze. He won't hurt me. She struggled to move into a sitting position. "Uh...good morning…" she said.
He didn't respond, jaw clenched. She could almost feel a chill in the air around him. "Are you thirsty?" she stammered.
He nodded stiffly.
She slowly brushed the hair away from her neck and offered it. He grabbed her around the hips and smoothly pulled her down so she was lying flat on her back again as he sunk his teeth into her neck. He wrapped his arm tight around her waist, keeping her still.
She whimpered nervously as his sharp teeth sank into her skin. She inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth, closing her eyes. It's just Quinn. He won't hurt you. It's okay. Just breathe. she coached herself, taking deep breaths.
He moaned and shuddered as he drank deeply, feeling the soothing warmth from her blood rush through him.
When he was finished, he immediately took her into his arms, lifting her off the bed.
She blinked. He dropped her on the couch and disappeared.
She looked around, dazed, and sat back. He returned and dropped a cereal bar and snickers in her lap.
He disappeared again and quickly returned, sitting on the couch next to her, offering a water bottle with an apologetic smile.
She laughed nervously as she took the water bottle and gulped it down. She shoved the cereal bar in her mouth.
"I'm sorry," Quinn said.
"That was a little scary. What happened?"
"I...waited too long to ask for a drink."
"Why?" she asked, finishing off the cereal bar.
He ran his fingers through her hair. "I dunno… I kept putting it off because I felt I had no right to ask."
"Remember our deal?"
He nodded.
"Don't kill innocent people, and you can have my blood. I'm happy to give it to you if you ask."
“Even after everything I’ve done?” he asked.
“Yes."
***
Some time had passed, and Ryane found herself sitting on the bed, deep in thought.
Ryane sat on the bed thinking. Quinn paced back and forth, making dozens of calls arranging for repairmen and cleaners.
“Yes…yes. Thank you….uh huh….yep. I look forward to working with you, too. Alright, bye,” Quinn said, hanging up. He let out a sigh and sat next to Ryane. “Alright, it’s all taken care of.”
Ryane didn’t respond. She was staring at the floor, lost in thought.
“Ryane?” Quinn asked, gently nudging her.
“I think you were looking for a way to punish yourself,” she stated bluntly.
“Why do you say that?” Quinn asked.
“The bloody swords, the picture of you and Edmund, you destroyed our bed, the TV, the couch, the shower, but you didn't touch the cars or most of the stuff in the garage.”
Quinn clenched his jaw and looked down.
Ryane studied him. “This is bigger than just killing Chase, isn't it?” she asked.
He nodded quietly. "I saw that I truly have become my father. My mother and everyone was right about me. Everyone. Not just because of the murders but because I hurt the person who cared most for me. I failed you like my father failed me, my mother, and Edmund."
“What?” she sputtered, almost laughing at how absurd it was. “No, you didn't!”
“Why would you say that?”
“You never did anything to hurt me on purpose. You don't abuse me. You go out of your way to make me happy. You are not an abuser Quinn.”
“I still hurt you.”
“Yeah. You did. But you're changing for the better. You aren't that monster anymore. How do you not see that?"
“Why do you think I was trying to punish myself? As if you know what goes on in my head!” he snapped.
Ryane stood and searched for a pen. She found one and stripped down to her bra and underwear.
"What are you doing?" Quinn asked. “This is hardly the time for that.”
She ignored his question and started drawing lines on her skin, stomach, chest, and arms. "Do you know what a Game Boy SP is?" she asked conversationally.
"No."
“It was a game boy that opened like a flip phone. I had one, and I played it a lot. It made me happy and helped me de-stress. One night after a fight with my parents, I felt so guilty about upsetting them that I snapped my SP in half. I loved that thing, but I wanted to punish myself the worst way I knew how at the time.”
"How old were you?"
"Seven or eight, I think."
"Oh my god…."
She scribbled on her shins. “This is where I would burn myself with erasers,” she said. Ryane put the cap on the pen and set it down. She held out her arms to show him the pen marks. "As I got older, I turned to more severe self-harm. I cut myself in these places. My mom would always tell me to wear long sleeves when she saw cuts on my arm."
Quinn gently ran his hands over the pen marks, and he blinked away tears. "What do you mean…you cut yourself?"
"I took a knife or pair of scissors and literally sliced into my skin because I hated myself so much. It helped me feel. It brought me back."
He remembered the sound of his bones breaking and the relief it brought from the mental anguish.
“I would throw away things I liked and deprive myself of anything that made me happy to atone for being such a bad daughter. So all this kind of reminded me of that." She went over to him and looked him in the eye. "I understand you because I've been there, done that, and it took a long time and a lot of therapy to work through. I'm still not where I need to be, and neither are you. So we're going to work through it together. Got it?”
He nodded quietly. "I hate that you understand," he uttered, pulling her into his lap and closing his arms around her.
"I hate that you understand too, Quinn," she said, leaning into him.
“Ryane…if you don’t mind me asking…why did you end therapy?”
"Because insurance doesn't care if you're better or not," she replied bitterly.
Quinn scoffed and shook his head, tightening his arms around her. “Humans are vile.”
“Yeah. A lot of them are.”
The couple waited patiently at their severely damaged home for the carpenter to make her appearance. Both Ryane and Quinn braced themselves for her reaction to the appalling mess Quinn had made.
***
Tala walked in and gasped, seeing all the damage. "Quinn, who did this?" she asked breathlessly.
Ryane glanced nervously at Quinn, but his expression remained relaxed and neutral.
"Ryane and I were away for a vacation, and some drunk college kids decided to break in and throw themselves a little party."
"College kids?"
Quinn nodded. "There's been rumors going on about this place again. They thought it was abandoned and haunted or something. Anyways, they're all dead now, so all that's left is to repair the damages," he explained.
Ryane opened her mouth to speak, but Quinn squeezed her hand. She went quiet.
"Alright, well, let me look at the rest of the place and see what else needs fixing."
"By all means," Quinn said.
"They didn't find downstairs, did they?" She asked slowly.
Quinn shook his head.
While Tala assessed the damage Ryane and Quinn went through, boxing the things they wanted to keep.
"Why did…" she began, but Quinn cut her off.
"Later," he said sharply, keeping his eyes on the pile of books he was looking through.
"Okay…"
"Well, the good news is, once this mess is cleaned, the damage to the house can easily be fixed," Tala said, coming into the room.
"Wonderful!" Quinn said cheerfully.
She ripped off a piece of paper from her notebook and gave it to Quinn. "There's the quote."
Quinn took it and glanced at it. "Perfect," he grabbed his checkbook and paid her.
"Great! We'll get started tomorrow!"
"Alright!"
"See you then!" Tala said, skipping out.
Quinn waited until her car was gone before looking at Ryane. She eyed him suspiciously.
"What?" he asked.
"You're really good at lying," she commented.
"I know," he said bluntly.
"Do you ever lie to me?" she asked slowly.
"Nope," he lied.
"You mean it?"
"What would I have to lie to you about?"
"How you're doing? I know you keep saying you're fine, but…"
He quickly pressed his lips to hers as if to prove a point. He pulled back and smiled. "I'm fine."
Another lie.
She studied him, but couldn't tell if he was lying. "Alright," she said gently. "I love you, Quinn."
Stupid to love someone like me. What's wrong with her? He swallowed a painful lump in his throat as he pushed his self-loathing to the back of his mind. "I love you too."
She hugged him, and Quinn slowly closed his arms around her, squeezing his eyes shut.
I do not deserve her or her love! He reminded himself, pushing away any warmth her touch brought.
She pulled back and studied him. "Are you sure you're okay?"
His mouth twisted into a convincing smile, and he kissed her on the forehead. "I'm sure," he lied confidently.
Quinn went out for a few hours, gathering supplies and food for Serenity. He effortlessly hauled in a mattress and took it to the upstairs bedroom.
He continued going from the car to the house, bringing in bags with toiletries, cleaning supplies and food.
Ryane made her way to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle. "Let's just relax for a bit."
"No, I'm fine. I still have so much to do." Quinn shot down the idea quickly. The guilt inside Quinn rejected the idea of stopping. Rest meant time to think and feel. He couldn't afford to do that if he wanted to keep up the illusion that he was okay.
He continued bringing in groceries and furniture. Ryane studied him as she sipped her water. Her lover appeared to be cold and rigid towards her. "Sweetie, can you come here for a second?" Ryane asked, keeping her tone light.
Quinn dropped what he was doing immediately to attend to her. "Yes, my love?"
She pulled him in close and began playing with his hair, looking into Quinn's eyes lovingly. The glow she was used to seeing in his eyes now seemed dull and sad. Quinn pulled her hand away abruptly and played with her hair instead.
She got up and started pacing. Quinn sat back and watched. He could feel her frustration and confusion.
“What the hell is going on?” she asked. She stopped and looked out the window, and sighed.
He spun her to face him and twisted his mouth into a smile. “What do you mean, darling?”
She stepped forward and hugged him. He stiffened, refusing to let himself enjoy her loving embrace. He pushed her off, spun her back around, and hugged her from behind. “I like this better,” he said, keeping his tone light.
“This is new.” He kissed her on the cheek and let go, not acknowledging her words.
She looked at him hesitantly. "What do you want?"
"You insufferable woman!" Quinn snapped. "I am fine! Why can't you just leave it alone?"
She glared at him. "You didn't answer my question," she stated calmly.
"What I want is to die, Ryane." He looked at the X on his palm. "But I can't because an entire fucking nation of night creatures depend on me to keep Travis and his fucking goons in line, so another war doesn't break out! I wasn't supposed to be here after the war! I was supposed to walk into the sunlight and be done with it! But no! Because Travis needs a goddamn babysitter! And then along comes Lucas, Natalie, and you! I hate this! I hate this!" he ranted. "If I had found another way to get Travis under control and killed myself when I had the chance, Chase would still be here!"
She reached out to comfort him, but he pulled away. “Don't!” he snapped.
She withdrew her hand. Her lower lip quivered as she looked down, taking in his words. She sniffled and wiped away a few tears.
Quinn took a calming breath and pulled her close. “I’m sorry, darling. I know I shouldn’t be taking this out on you.”
“You’re really hurting over this, aren’t you?”
“If there were any goddamn justice, I would be suffering a thousand times worse. My victims…and their families…and you deserve justice. I deserve to suffer.”
“But wouldn’t it be more beneficial if you spent your time and energy killing abusers?”
“It won’t make up for anything,” Quinn said bitterly.
“No. Nothing you do will ever make up for killing Chase and all those other people. Nothing. But that’s something you need to accept. Then move on, and be better. The only reason I am here is because I love you, and I believe you can be better.” she paused. "I have a lot of conflicting emotions about this too, and I haven't even unpacked half of it."
She buried her head in his shoulder and closed her eyes. "I think we should get into therapy."
Quinn snorted. "Therapy? Really?"
She looked up at him. "Yes," she said seriously.
"And where would we find a therapist to treat us?"
"Aren't there, like, vampire or zombie therapists or something?"
Quinn laughed. "Goodness, no! We've gotten on fine without it. We don't need it."
"Yes, you do!" she sputtered. "I have never met anyone who needed therapy more than you!"
Quinn rolled his eyes. "I don't want to."
She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. "Do you really think you have a leg to stand on here?"
Quinn looked down, guilty. "No."
"Do you want to get better?"
"Yes."
"Then we are going to get therapy."
“Fine,” he grumbled.
She studied him. There was no light in his eyes. His posture wasn't as straight. She was losing him. "In the meantime…let's go back to Serenity and kill someone," she suggested.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I want to learn more ways to kill a person! Please?"
A slight smile formed on his lips, and he nodded.
Quinn and Ryane made their way to Serenity. Within a few hours, they had a pedophile on their torture table.
"This really helps, doesn't it?" Ryane said.
Quinn nodded. "It feels like murder is the thing I do, and understand, best. I'm not helpless. I'm the one in control."
"Well, let's try to do this more often. I'm really enjoying this too."
Quinn smiled. "Do you want to…open him and poke around a bit?"
The man screamed through the gag.
"Sure!"
"I'm going to do what's called a Y incision. Natalie actually taught me this." Quinn took a scalpel and made a cut from the man's shoulder, along his collarbone, to his chest, then stomach. He did the same thing on the other side, easily slicing through the skin. He peeled back the layers of skin, revealing the man's racing heart.
He shrieked into the gag. Quinn removed it, and his screams filled the room. Quinn leaned over, looking at the man's terror. "There's nothing he can do about this," Quinn said.
Ryane winced at the shrill cries and glanced down at her phone with the screenshots Lucas sent her. Those were the screams of a monster.
"Do you want the gag put back in?" Quinn asked.
"No. Leave it out. I like it."
Quinn laughed. "Darling, you are truly one of a kind." He held a thin metal rod out to her, and she took it. "Go on. Poke around. Let's see if we can take out his stomach!"
Ryane giggled and took it. "Like that game operation!"
"What?"
"I'll show you later. Let's do it together."
They made a game out of it, seeing how many organs they could remove before the man died. They had to remove his ribs one by one to get to his other organs. The wet snapping of Quinn breaking his bones was nearly drowned out by his screams. They had a great time, and Ryane could see Quinn coming back to his old self.
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MAYHEM BY ESTELLE LAURE BLOG TOUR & CHAPTER EXCERPT
The Lost Boys meets Wilder Girls in this supernatural feminist YA novel.
Available July 14th, 2020
It's 1987 and unfortunately it's not all Madonna and cherry lip balm. Mayhem Brayburn has always known there was something off about her and her mother, Roxy. Maybe it has to do with Roxy's constant physical pain, or maybe with Mayhem's own irresistible pull to water. Either way, she knows they aren't like everyone else.
But when May's stepfather finally goes too far, Roxy and Mayhem flee to Santa Maria, California, the coastal beach town that holds the answers to all of Mayhem's questions about who her mother is, her estranged family, and the mysteries of her own self. There she meets the kids who live with her aunt, and it opens the door to the magic that runs through the female lineage in her family, the very magic Mayhem is next in line to inherit and which will change her life for good.
But when she gets wrapped up in the search for the man who has been kidnapping girls from the beach, her life takes another dangerous turn and she is forced to face the price of vigilante justice and to ask herself whether revenge is worth the cost.
From the acclaimed author of This Raging Light and But Then I Came Back, Estelle Laure offers a riveting and complex story with magical elements about a family of women contending with what appears to be an irreversible destiny, taking control and saying when enough is enough.
About the Author:
Estelle Laure, the author of This Raging Light and But Then I Came Back believes in love, magic, and the power of facing hard truths. She has a BA in Theatre Arts and an MFA from Vermont College of Fine Arts in Writing for Children and Young Adults, and she lives in Taos, New Mexico, with her family. Her work is translated widely around the world.
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Read on for a special chapter excerpt of Mayhem!
I’m back with a brand new patreon and a brand new novel!
Hey everyone. I know I haven’t been much of a presence here in a long time, but I’ve finally made a comeback with a debut for my new patreon page featuring the first chapter of my novel available for free!
As much as I dislike asking, it would be a huge help if you could reblog and share this with your friends and followers. I’ve got a book to publish and stuff.
But I’m not going to just leave you hanging!
Here’s the synopsis:
"Margrave" is the beginning of a series following 25-year-old twins Cassandra and Alex von Rhein. In this fusion of urban and high fantasy, Cass and Alex are the youngest members of an ancient inhuman family made into nigh-immortal beings through the use of stolen divine artifacts, the meddling of mad fallen angels, and literal deals with the Devil.
On the outside, their lives appear idyllic. Born in an immense extra-dimensional city known as the Zitadelle von Rhein, Cassandra and Alex were first brought up in a fantastical place modeled to suit the strangely-fond and twisted memories of fallen angels cast out from Heaven after Lucifer's defiance in Eden. But there's a price to paradise. Having spent much of their lives masquerading among mankind and traveling the world with their strange and willful mother, or with their two fathers - Henry, and the devil known as Bune - Cassandra and Alex gradually come to the realization that the life they knew within the Zitadelle is far from anything heavenly. In time, their tolerance for the horrible secrets within their hidden society wanes, and the twins do the unthinkable. They run.
What makes "Margrave" different?
CCS Clear Card Chapter 42
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRaNZH27vn0
For anyone who wants to read the new chapter for free, here’s a link to CLAMP’s anniversary Youtube page! They also provide this chapter in several different languages, so if English is not your first language, there are other options as well! Enjoy!
