ARC REVIEW: Rears & Vices by E.M. Caro
4.25/5. Releases 3/17/2026.
—pirate marriage (of convenience)
—not one, but TWO ex-situationships
—struggling to express your feelings in the midst of anti-colonial seafaring
Upon seeing his former fling, anti-colonial pirate Vitaliy *who has a couple other identities) on the brink of being hanged, naval man. Everard perjures himself to save him. Of course, this does lead him into general piratical antics, dragging his rakish friend—with whom he used to do things that went far beyond friendly—D'Arcy into everything in the process. One pirate marriage of convenience to Vitaliy later, Everard finds himself in the midst of battles and espionage, with more than one conflict at hand. Staying with Vitaliy would mean abandoning the naval career he's dedicated his life to—and perhaps D'Arcy, who fully owns being in love with Everard as it is. Of course... some choices may not be choices at all.
What a FUN, bold historical romance! First off—let me be so clear. While Everard very much thinks he's in the midst of a love triangle at one point, it's a bit more complex than that. By "a bit more complex" I mean this is a poly triad romance. And it's great.
Wait, you say. "Pirate marriage of convenience?" Yes! Pirates had a sort of... domestic partnership, marriage situation happening back in the day, in which one pirate basically committed to another pirate and gave him the rights of inheritance, etc. that a wife would traditionally have. And some historians would say that meant they were good buddies. Sure!
Here, it's very clear that Everard and Vitaliy are a lot more than good buddies. But what are they... exactly? Everard is very "I'm his matelot in name only, I swear", and Vitaliy is like "sure", which kind of sums up Everard's approach to relationships in general. He's our POV character (see, I like single POV books sometimes! They just have to be good!) and he is essentially clueless about relationships. He doesn't really know what to do with Vitaliy's calm, accepting approach to their relationship. He doesn't know what to do with D'Arcy's exasperated, straightforward ownership of simply being madly in love with Everard while not expecting him to actually own his feelings. Personally, I found this rather delightful, and it adds to the tension in the triad. Everard is very smart about seafaring, but when it comes to Feelings, he's DENSE, and it makes him all the more human.
This cluelessness adds a lot of humor to the book (there's a character introduced who is very obviously a lesbian at one point, and Everard spends like 80% of this novel trying not to be insanely jealous because he's so sure she slept with Vitaliy... babe...), but it's also the crux of his conflict with D'Arcy. While Vitaliy mystifies Everard—and it's so satisfying when he finally cracks and lets him in... in more ways than one—Everard frustrates D'Arcy. There's a rather funny, and also relatable scene in which they're on the brink of gettin' it in, and Everard says something dumb that makes D'Arcy go "WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT YOU STUPID DUMB IDIOT", and I really enjoy the drama.
While the romantic drama takes center stage, there's a lot of pirate stuff. This is a historical romance that's firmly rooted in the history of it all. E.M. Caro clearly did a lot of research, and I kind of loved being in a world that very much isn't ours. Never did I feel beaten over the head by the idea of Vitaliy being this Woke Pirate. His morality—shared by Everard and D'Arcy—feels both progressive and grounded in this niche moment in history. Look! You can do a pirate romance today without being absurdly problematic!
You get a good bit of action and adventure, and a lot of high stakes. I mean, Everard is missing fingers when this book begins. People get hurt. Near death incidents are had. Somehow, all this happens while everyone is trying to figure out their various relationship dynamics. I ended the book feeling so FOND of everyone. Like, awww, babes. I love y'all.
If I had to pick a favorite—and I doubt I'll be alone on this front—yeah... It's D'Arcy. The combination of being oh so slutty and oh so smitten really got me. He's hilarious, he wears his heart on his sleeve, and yet, perhaps, maybe, he's hiding a little something? He clashed perfectly with Everard's uptight nature, and watching him develop this camaraderie with Vitaly—and maybe more—over time was super satisfying. He's irresistibly bratty.
Oh, this is a HOT book. You get a good number of one-on-one encounters before we get to the triad stuff. The sexual dynamics between everyone feels very unique, and I really liked the acknowledgment that being a queer man doesn't mean you're down for *everything* one can do as a queer man. Everyone has their preferences, and everyone checks in with everyone. Consent was handled really well in this book, without feeling precious.
But damn. The scenes were well-written, still a little funny at points, and you got the difference between people who feel a little more like they're living on the edge (Vitaliy and Everard) and people with a deep familiarity with each other (D'Arcy and Everard), and maybe... a secret third thing? A secret third and fourth thing, depending on how you look at it?
And I gotta say... One of my favorite moments in the whole book is Everard seeing a very determined D'Arcy striding toward him right before a battle, literally going "Oh God" and having to explain to Vitaliy that he and D'Arcy have a tradition wherein Everard rails D'Arcy right before maritime skirmishes. DELIGHTFUL.
I would absolutely read another E.M. Caro book anytime, and this is exactly the kind of thing I'm looking for in the historical romances of today. Very sexy. Very emotional. Nobody's perfect. The emotional and physical stakes are high. The payoff is great. Highly recommend!
Thanks to the author and NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.