#fuckedupkid

[dswaney]

#fuckedupworld #fuckedupplace #judged #fuckedupface #fuckedup #dreams #life #fuckedupkid #knife #mom #dad #cop #badge #job #pay #boss #fuckedupday

[meowthepolice]

Ableton Life

[niclostdreams]

Over Thinking .. Probably Never Good.

cy sister had a performance today at a college.This college is by the hospital my friend had taken me too as my ticket to jump off the golden gate bridge grew closer and closer.

Anyways, After my sister had her solo the show was just about over and I decided to take a walk. I started to think about how close the hospital was and how easy it would be to just say “I want to kill myself.” They would have to admit me or sent me to this residental place I went to last time. Without even my parents knowing.

Without anyone knowing.

The other reason I thought about this was because they would watch what I was eating like my parents. They don’t care if I put any food in me as long as I don’t hurt myself or anyone. Even though by starving I am hurting myself but I don’t think that’s the point here.I know my parents would find out sooner or later but it wouldn’t hurt them as much to watch me die right in front of them again. Even thought they made it very clear that next time I end up anywhere they will not come visit me. Which is fine .. I will miss the .. but I don’t need please. Plus who says I want to recover.

Which brings me to my next point.

After thinking about just walking into the hospital. I thought do I really want to kill myself? Maybe I do want to die. Maybe like I used to by jumping off a bride, popping a shit load if pills, slitting my wrist or a gun shot to the head but maybe slowly very slowly so they watch all the pain show from the darkness in my eyes because the lightness is gone. It has been gone.I will die from the inside out as my organs shut down from lack of nuitiuran. From lack of love.

In a sick way. I am okay with that.

[notyoujustme]

But I can't shake the feeling that tonight I'm going to end up shaking in bed alone. I'm not a self help book I'm just a fucked up kid... 'Cause what I learnt was: it's not about forcing happiness, it's about not letting sadness win.

[zaneyzina]

It's just my luck.

If you would be my dark knight. I'd be your angel in sinners' clothing.

I would of waited but I won't wait until the milk spoils. 

Don't think, just listen to what you believe. 

Listen for the call. Listen for the dial tone. Listen for my heart because it's on the line waiting for a second hand pick me up.