The INFJ'S Guidebook to People - 2nd Edition
Chapter One: How to Stop Being Turbulent
Literally grow up. This chapter is only for you to worry about when you're mbs 16+. Just remember to be kind and focus on embracing all your functions.
Stop rejecting your functions. However, given you've probably mistyped, you almost certainly don't know what they are. So here we gooooo.
Stop worrying about mbti and focus on your character.
I'm focusing on this one because I find it's the one that usually causes the most problems. I'm also going to split the N types from the S types, simply because N types seem to be more controlled by their tertiary Functions than s types, who seem to use them as weapons.
Not that this advice doesn't apply to sensors, or vice versa, but I THINK these problems are more common for the intuives - so they're listed here!
- tertiary Se - Being controlled by Se basically means ignoring Ni planning and vibes and just doing whatever the heck you feel like in the moment - even if it costs a lot of money. For you to overcome this temptation, you have to start using Fe properly. You have to control it, which will force you to use Ni. Don't let your friends pressure you into spending all your money on them, think it through just for a moment - what do you want? Would real friends actually reject you for saying no? How would you respond to someone saying no? Go find some friends who would respond like you, because they'll allow you to grow your Fe well. The other flip side of turbulent, tertiary Se is ignoring your physical needs. Enfjs are especially likely to do this when in a Fe-Se loop. Again, try developing your Fe for good. If you neglect yourself and get sick, you won't be able to help your friends out as often - it won't be worth it. Take care of yourself first, it's not selfish! Learn that Se isn't just about partying, it's about being present.
- tertiary Ti - Being controlled by Ti is basically like having your own personal intp jimmeny cricket. Every time you're upset you hear 'don't be ridiculous, toughen up'. Every time you do anything you hear 'be logical and calm, level headed. Be calculated, make sure no one can read you'. This means infjs are closed off, always acting, and are scared of letting people see who they really are. To overcome this fear, infjs need to learn to use Fe properly. Fe isn't just there to help you keep the peace, it's there to help you look after people, and create genuine friendships. If you feel uncomfortable in a particular social group, find a new one on your own and start again, somewhere you're not scared of people you already know. Use your new Ti powers to cultivate some social independence, and you'll realise you're actually a skilled F type after all! Learn that Ti isn't just about being calm and collected, it's about doing the right thing.
- tertiary Se - Being controlled by Se means ignoring Ni planning and vibes and just doing whatever the heck you feel like in the moment - even if it costs a lot of money. To resist that temptation, you're gonna want to sit down and do some Te. What do you want to achieve in life? Where do you want to go? How are you going to get there? You're probably not on the right path when you're being led by Se, so make some changes! Entjs are less likely than Enfjs to ignore their physical environment (cos Te), but it's possible they forget to take care of themselves personally - too busy fixing everyone else! The entj needs to make sure they're using their Te well to ensure that they take care of themselves first, for optimum efficiency. Learn that Se isn't just about partying, it's about being present.
- tertiary Fi - being controlled by Fi basically means intjs are soppy messes, unable to push through and achieve their goals for fear of hurting someone. To overcome this, they need to learn to use Te properly. Te isn't just there to push your agenda on people, it's there to find the best way to do it. Is there a way to do what you want without hurting people? If not, is it necessary to do it anyway? If you decide it is necessary, commit, and do it with the most respectful attitude you can. Fi is meant to help you stay morally centred, not guilt trip you into seeing things from other perspectives. Don't avoid Fi because it feels bad. Learn to use Fi to keep you accountable.
- tertiary Te - being controlled by Te means you want to DO THINGS, and driven by Ne this can be exhausting and destructive. It can also make you hyper critical when you're a bit upset. You get some control over this function you need to get back in touch with your Fi. Don't just do things, consider whether or not they line up with your core principles. Sure, ditching work for a week and going around the country backpacking might sound great, but is that really what you want/believe in? Learn that Te isn't just about doing, it's about achieving.
- tertiary Si - being controlled by Si basically means you're stuck in the past and afraid to use your Ne ideas. To get out of this one, you're going to have get in touch with your dominant Fi. What do you want in life, what are your core values? Is being stuck in the past and afraid of change meeting those goals in life? If not, get your Ne going and work out how to fix it! As well as this, there's an even more destructive Si-controlled behaviour infps might embrace, and thst is doing whatever they're told NOT to do - cos you can't control me! Again, the infp needs to go to their Fi and consider if this is something they actually believe in, or if they're just doing it because they were told not to. Learn that Si isn't there to judge you, it's there to help you learn.
- tertiary Fe - being controlled by tertiary Fe means two things: first, the entp is naturally averse to good Fe, and enjoys being cut throat and mean on purpose. Second, the entp is actually scared of being hated, and will back down the minute things get too real. It also means they can be overly charming, giving the impression they care about people more than they do in practise (cos they enjoy staying distant, cos you know - Fe is ew, who wants to be nice ALL THE TIME). This creates some interesting social problems, as the entp will usually end up the most famously annoying person in the room - who everyone secretly still likes anyway, they're just a bit over it. To stop being controlled by Fe, entps need to go to Ti. No, not to work out what they want, they're good at that already, and they're almost certainly trying to use Fe to manipulate people. The entp needs to work out how people work - and each person is different, so they should basically just get an emotions chart and figure out how people are responding to them. Your Ne is there to back you up in this, and eventually (if you do it right) you'll be great at knowing what people are feeling, and you'll stop putting your foot in it - which is handy for getting your way long term 😉 Even better than this, you'll be able to embrace the fact that you can't do everything yourself and you need to work in a team - that's what good Fe is! Learn that Fe isn't about being nice to people: it's about doing things for the good of the people. (That's a big difference, and probs why entps (and people in general) or so surprised when they meet *nfjs by how open and direct they are. Fe is for connecting and helping people, not being all nice-nice!).
- tertiary Si - being controlled by Si basically means you're stuck in the past and afraid to use your Ne ideas. To get out of this one, you're going to have get in touch with your dominant Ti. What do you want in life, what do you need to achieve to consider yourself successful? Is being stuck in the past and afraid of change leading you to meet those goals in life? If not, get your Ne going and work out how to fix it! As well as this, there's an even more destructive Si-controlled behaviour intps might embrace, and that is doing whatever they're told NOT to do - cos you can't control me! Again, the intp needs to go to their Ti and consider if this is something that will actually yield fruitful outcomes, or if they're just doing it because they were told not to. Learn that Si isn't there to judge you, it's there to help you learn.
While all the above advice also applies for S types, I wanted to give them more personalised advice - and I think it's pretty accepted that the S types wield their tertiary Function far more naturally than their N counterparts.
- tertiary Ne - Weilding tertiary Ne basically makes you the classic, gossipy bitch, with a perfect threat/manipulation tactic for everything... So turbulent esfjs definitely don't seem like Fe doms at a glance. From what I've seen, this phase doesn't last too long *phew* but anyway: to avoid this, esfjs need to learn to use Fe properly. Yes, it's about helping people and doing what's best for them, but be honest: you don't always know what's best. Even worse, sometimes it's best for you to let people do their own thing and fail. Let Ne open your mind to the possibility that you're wrong, and sometimes being a good friend means doing nothing at all. Learn that Ne isn't there to help you cajole people into obeying you, but to help you consider other perspectives.
- tertiary Ti -Weilding tertiary Ti is meannnnn. The isfj also has the infj's intp Jimmeny Cricket sitting on their shoulder - they're just better at discussing things with it and taking pure Ti advice. That's right, isfjs need to learn to renagage Fe and stop trying to be a Ti Dom. It also means turbulent isfjs are likely to rebel by striving for complete independence, which basically leads to the classic 'make every mistake possible as a young adult' phase, combined with a refusal to learn from anyone's experiences but their own. Isfjs need to learn that Fe isn't a weakness, it's not a bad thing to listen and learn from other people, it doesn't make you weak. For isfjs, it makes them stronger, because their Ti is just too low down to work properly. They need to use their Ti to help them look after people, which is what they're naturally good at, instead of trying to use Fe to manipulate people's emotions with Ti assistance. Learn that Ti is there to help you do the right thing for people, not to help get people doing the right thing for you.
- tertiary Ne - Weilding tertiary Ne basically makes you the classic, gossipy bitch, with a perfect threat/manipulation tactic for everything... So turbulent Estjs are pretty much a classic Te Dom. To avoid this, estjs need to learn to use Te properly. Yes, it's about being effecient and organised, but you can't just organise people. And sometime you have to accept that a person will never reach their potential, and you can't fix them. Let Ne open your mind to the possibility that you can't control everything. Also, I know you have Te, but that's still no excuse for gossiping - make sure you check what's useful to be discussing and what's just gossip. Learn that Ne isn't there to help you cajole people into obeying you, but to help you consider other perspectives.
- tertiary Fi - Wielding tertiary Fi basically means playing really upset and making people feel bad for not doing what you want - aka, playing the tiny violin. It's a very effective tool, but it's definitely something you need to grow out of, istjs. Your Fi is there to make sure you're not being an immoral, manipulative idiot, not to help you Te-control everyone. You have to figure out what your core values are and stick by them, keeping your Te accountable. Learn that your Fi is there to keep you accountable, not to guilt trip people into doing things your way.
- tertiary Te - Wileding tertiary Te makes turbulent Esfps efficious and meannnn. These guys have given Te Dom the incorrect meanings it has. Esfps need to learn that their morals and values aren't always the only valid opinions, and they can't just go around enforcing them. Turbulent Esfps use Te to control people and get their way, getting progressively more aggressive if their tactics don't work. Esfps need to refocus their Te energy on themselves, and figure out what they themselves want/need to achieve in life. Learn that Te is there to help you achieve YOUR goals, not to get everyone else in on them.
- tertiary Ni - Tertiary Ni is like a little duck of doom and gloom that comes up and quacks depressing things in your ear - things that are probably right. Isfps can live their whole lives stuck in this kind of gloomy state, accepting that life is just pain and nothing is worth the effort, leading them to avoid making Se changes in their life. To avoid this, isfps need to learn to use get back in touch with Fi. You know, if the duck of gloom IS wrong, what do you want to be achieving in life? What are your values and morals? Even if life is pain, shouldn't you try to help others who are hurting too? Isfps need to learn to focus on making Se changes in their life, like - idk - opening an orphanage or making art or something. Learn that Ni is there to support your long term goals, not to depress you so much you don't make any.
- tertiary Fe - Weilding tertiary Fe looks like a turbulent entp who can actually charm and manipulate people without being obvious. Yes, turbulent estps are master manipulators, they know exactly how people work, and they also know what they want. So for them, getting back in touch with their Ti is about considering what's going to benefit them long term. ONE DAY people will notice you're being manipulative, and when they do (and they always do, turbulent estps), no one will like you. You'll be friendless and alone, and you KNOW that sucks. So if you want to have friends, you're going to have to use Fe for good. You're going to have to use it to give back as least as much as you take. Learn that Fe isn't just a tool to benefit you NOW - using it for others will help you later.
- tertiary Ni - Tertiary Ni is like a little duck of doom and gloom that comes up and quacks depressing things in your ear - things that are probably right. Istps can live their whole lives stuck in this kind of gloomy state, believing they are always the victim and nothing is worth the effort, leading them to avoid making Se changes in their life. To avoid this, istps need to learn to use get back in touch with Ti. You know, if the duck of gloom IS wrong, what do you want to be achieving in life? What would you like to fix in this world? Even if life isn't fair, maybe you could fix it? Istps need to learn to focus on making Se changes in their life, like maybe fixing the justice system or something. Learn that Ni is there to support your long term goals, not to depress you so much you don't make any.
