#funny romance

[love-god-bill-cipher]

Welcome to Your Interdimensional Love Advice Headquarters!

((OOC: Drawn by me @interstellarspacecadet || Colored by @kinok0s-doodls ))

Greetings, romantics, dreamers, and hopelessly lovestruck mortals!

I'm Bill Cipher, Love God extraordinaire, and I'm here to help YOU navigate the treacherous waters of romance, relationships, and everything in between!

What I Do:

I've spent eons observing courtship rituals across countless dimensions, studying the intricate dance of attraction, and helping beings of all shapes, sizes, and number of appendages find their perfect match. Now I'm bringing that INFINITE WISDOM to YOU!

My Areas Of Expertise:

💕 Crushing hard on someone? Let's talk strategy!

💕 Relationship troubles? I've seen it all!

💕 First date anxiety? I got you covered!

💕 Wondering if they like you back? Let's analyze!

💕 Need gift ideas? I have THOUGHTS!

💕 Breaking up? Moving on? Friendship advice? Yes, yes, and yes!

How This Works:

Send me your romantic dilemmas via the ask box! Anonymous asks are WELCOME - I know matters of the heart can be vulnerable. I'll respond with advice drawn from my extensive interdimensional expertise!

A Few Notes:

I specialize in ALL types of love - romantic, platonic, familial, you name it!

No question is too silly or too serious

I'm here to HELP, not to judge

Love is universal, even if the specifics vary by dimension!

So what are you waiting for? Your Love God is IN! Hit that ask button and let's get you on the path to romantic success!

Remember: The universe is FULL of love - you just need to know where to look (and occasionally, which courtship rituals to avoid)!

💖 Bill Cipher

Your Interdimensional Love Expert

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(P.S. DARLENE! We are NOT discussing your love life! You never listen!!!)

(P.P.S. I AM, however, still HAPPY to work with any other arachnids.)

((OOC: Hey! The mun here! Just gonna say, Seriously... don't take the love advice here to heart. This is an RP blog for fun and blatant shit posting of BAD ADVICE most of the time.))

[ageekywriter]

Happy Jalter July and Friday! It is the third week and third fic of the month! this time Jeanne Alter is taking a care of sick Ritsuka. Please like, share, and enjoy, links below

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

She dropped her purse and jogged the rest of the steps towards him, grabbing his face. “Risu? Ritsu!” The response was so delayed her heart comparatively skipped a bit as she watched those blue eyes of his slowly open, turning to look at her.

“Jeanne? You’re home early.” His voice was weak, but the fact that he gave her a response was enough for the weight of relief to settle over her.

She nodded once, realizing her knees were on the edge of the bed and she was balanced awkwardly and precariously. Jeanne Alter forced herself to nod one more. “I…was going to stay longer, but…you said you weren’t…well.”

He nodded, “Hm…I’m sick.”

“Sick?!” Jeanne Alter practically squeaked. “Shit uh…er.” She jumped off the bed, looking at her fingers for a second and then at him. “Shit, shit!” She bit her lip and ran back into the kitchen without waiting for him. There was something she was supposed to grab, and she didn’t remember what.

Come on, you stupid dragon witch!

All she could think about were those horrible sicknesses from the Hundred Years' War. Plagues that took over the camps. Sicknesses that killed off prisoners. Fevers that killed the wounded. Cooks and fake doctors are trying to prescribe cures with all manner of things that sometimes make it worse.

The faith people put in prayer.

Despite the growing bitterness she felt, she could see the horror of it. Ritsuka died from a fever. Or a stupid cough.

But they’d talked about something related to it. She couldn’t remember. All she could see in her mind was that he was sick.

She knocked a grocery bag off the counter as she frantically tore apart the room. She pulled open cabinets, cupboards, and checked the pantry. Her anxiety grew with each passing second. She checked under the sink, and her nose wrinkled, realizing it wouldn’t be there even as she opened it to look.

“Jeanne?” Ritsuka called, much closer than he should be.

It tore her eyes away from the mess she was making, and she saw him stumbling towards the doorway.

“Stop-” She called, and she got up and ran towards him. “Stop, stop! Go back to bed this instant!” She grabbed him, wrapping her arms around him. Her fingers were shaking, she realized, and quickly pulled away.

Ritsuka winced, but grabbed her back. “Jalty, what’s going on?”

“Nothing. Shut up, you need to get into bed. I-I’ll call a doctor. Don’t go to sleep!” She shouted and she guided him back to the bed, but his hands were firmly around her wrist.

[the-evil-lovable-simp]

Tada

[static-errorcode]

The algebraliens being gay part 4?

yes this series is returning so enjoy

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14: move aside I'm gonna give him a kiss inside the mouth

Y: wait ummmm

Ratio: you don't have to do that

Tongue kiss sounds (wtf)

15 comes back

14: she's alive

15: AHHHHHHHH

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Y: I've always wanted to marry a doctor

Six: don't listen to her Y, im the doctor

Five: WHAT?! WHERE DID YOU EVEN COME FROM?!

Six: I'm the doctor Y

Five: NO YOUR NOT

Six: YES I AM

Five: BAD SIX SLAL SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP

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Negative: are you gonna make out now

J: Huh huh you gonna kiss

15: oh my God

7: well it seems like the time to, now or never

15: OH MY GODDDDD

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9: I got you something you've wanted for a long time

7: what is it

Table appears out of no where

9: a table

7: ☆◇☆◇a table◇☆◇☆?! For me?!

9: yes your very own white table

7: oh 9 you didn't have to mwah

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Again I'm exited that this series is returning but since I'm working on other stuff it won't be much of a common thing

[bookwormsbutterfly]

[tossertozier]

i like to put on writing styles & genres like hats with the only consistency being fuck grammar he’s no fun and we don’t need him

But

putting on an old hat so to speak when i haven’t worn it in a while is so FUCKING hard WHY

[love-god-bill-cipher]

Hey Bill! I’m dating another version of you as well as Ford and was wondering what kind of dates I should take them on :3

WAIT! You nabbed 'em BOTH?!

HOW?! I've been trying to set up some kind of Meet Cute with Fords for AGES! I—

MOVING ON! Sorry about that, just a little bit of a sore spot, but this isn't about ME! THIS IS ABOUT YOU!

Alright! Let's get down to the Brass Tacks!

Bill dates? Usually filled with CHAOS, BOOZE, NIGHTCLUB MUSIC, FRAT-GAMES, and FORDS! (Unless they're an equal opportunity Bill, LIKE ME!)

But you have BOTH! LUCKY!

So here's what you do: Take them somewhere FANCY! Interdimensional Planetarium and Bar - one of those with the GOOD cosmic sand and soft things to cuddle on. Ford gets to nerdgasm over the constellations, your Bill gets TIPSY, everybody wins!

Physical contact with a Ford SHOULD keep your Bill out of trouble, but I'm not exactly a monolith here, so no promises!

Now your Ford's gonna need AMPLE SPACE FOR NERDAGE, so make sure there's lots of infographics, plaques, maybe even diagrams. Let him EXPLAIN things to you both - Fords LOVE that!

And here's the KEY: When Ford starts his fifth explanation about gravitational lensing or whatever, your Bill WILL GET BORED AND START MAKING COMMENTARY! DO NOT shut this down! The banter IS the date! That's when the MAGIC happens!

NEXT QUESTION!

[love-god-bill-cipher]

Are there people who actually feel safe being themselves around anyone? How do they do this? I don't necessarily doubt that my husband loves me but I don't think that would continue if I messed up.

@ask-elizabeth-cortland

Oof, walking on eggshells in your own marriage! Fun! Sustainable! No red flags here!

Yeah, some people feel safe being themselves around their partners. Wild concept, I know! They either got REALLY lucky or—hold on, I think I read about this somewhere—

Right! COMMUNICATION! They actually TALKED about expectations and boundaries before legally binding themselves together!

(I mean, I'm surprised humans just haven't resorted to a psionic bond yet. SO MUCH EASIER!)

So... has he actually bailed when you messed up before?

If not, congrats! You're catastrophizing! In the Worry-Spiral Dimension they solve this by literally tying themselves to their partner with unbreakable cosmic thread so they CAN'T leave! Very reassuring! Humans probably shouldn't do that though, seems like a fire hazard.

If he has... therapy? Lawyer? Maybe a vulcan mind meld?